Midlife wife crisis9

[Wolfman]

Between my w and d they are really out to drive me crazy. A week ago my w told me that my s friend mom was going to take my s and d to a trampoline park for yesterday. They asked if that was ok and I said yes. Fast forward to yesterday, my d said the mom will be picking us up at 12:30. I asked how do you know? She said the mom texted her. I said to my d please text the mom and have her text me the details of today. My d said why? I said because I would like to k ow from the mom what’s going on. My d replied I just told you. I said I get it but I want to hear it from the mom and have her phone number. Again she said why do you need to speak with her. At that point I had to end this, so I said, I am the father and I am not asking you I am telling you to have her text me or call me. If I don’t hear from her you are not going. Of course right after I said that my phone rings, it’s my w. My w calls and starts off with what’s the problem? I said no problem I would just like the mom to reach out to me about the details. I have no idea which trampoline park or what time they are coming back. She said you know what time they are getting picked up. I said yes but that’s all I know. (In case anyone is just reading my thread w is away for 4 days) she said d can text her and find out all the info. I said no I am the father and the mom should be in contact with me not d. So now in her voice I can hear her getting angry. She then said that’s weird for her to call or text you. I said why is that weird? She said she barely knows you. I said I don’t know what that has to do with anything, I am the father and need to know what’s going on form the mom. Again she said that is weird that she would speak with you. I said let me ask you something. Would it be ok if I made plans for the kids with another parent and the other parent didn’t tell you anything about the plans? She said she would want to know. So I said what’s the difference? Here’s where she hasn’t lost it. Her actual reply was your a man and it’s weird she would reach out to you since you are a man. I said I am the father and have her reach out to me that’s it!! She said fine and hung up.
The mom reached out to me was very sweet and good thing she did. The time she was coming to get the kids was wrong and she wanted to take them out to lunch afterwards.
My w is trying hard to control everything and make everything a secret. I am tired of this nonsense. And will not let her control me anymore.

[LH19]

Great job standing your ground. Your learning.

[IHCLACS]

Handled that perfectly, and made a good example out of it too. I've had similar responses and situations. It is your right to know where you child is at all times. You are their father.

[AnotherStander]

Wolf, I think what you were requesting was perfectly legit, but I would suggest that you explain it to your D instead of pulling the "I am the dad and you will do as I say" card. You simply could have said "I need to know how to contact the parents you will be with in case of emergency, and I need for them to have my number for the same reason since your mother is out of town."

[Ready2Change]

Great job.

And by the way, Change how you view this. Change "They are trying to drive me crazy" thought into "Teaching them how to be healthier people"


I would have family meetings with my children. I would force them to give a "true apology" following a script. Of course they hated it. Well now that they are older, SD17 is expecting a true apology from her grandmother. I am proud of her. Grandmother needs to give her a true apology.

Apologize (I am sorry...)
depersonalize (place action in larger context)
shift intentions (I was trying...)
solidify commitment to change (take concrete steps to assure no repeats)
restore balance (put energy into relationship)
Example” I am very sorry I put a dent in your car. Nothing was going right that day. I didn’t want to give it to the valet because I know how much you love your car. So when I parked it myself on the street, that’s when it got hit. I’ve already called several places and got quotes. I’ll take care of it anyway you want. You can either give me the insurance information or I can give you the quotes. I am also going to have them detail the entire car so it will look like new. That’s on me. I feel so badly about this happening.”

[Wolfman]

The last 4 days with my kids was amazing. We did so many things together and there was not a single problem. I was so happy to be with them. It’s so sad that we got to this point. I don’t know how she would want to be away from the kids for 4 days, but that is just me. I don’t know if it’s people filling her head or just her only craziness but her behavior is so bizarre. From locking the bedroom door she even stopped the mail while she was gone. In her mind I have become some kind of monster and it’s sad. How does someone go from being so in love to pure disgust? I would get it if I cheated, beat her, alcoholic and other things, but none of that happened. I have heard that this is a marathon not a sprint. No one said the marathon never ends. The usual for me, the mornings are hard and it’s when I feel the most down. I will keep moving forward and enjoying my time with my kids. Those 2 beauty’s mean the world to me!!! I miss the whole family dynamic. But I guess this is my new reality and I just have to accept it. It’s just so hard to. I miss stability!! I miss family dinners!! I miss my w and I working together to get things done!!

It is truly amazing how my w never veered from this d path!! Full speed ahead for her!! Sorry just having a down moment!!

[LH19]

W,

First I want to say I think you need to change up your mornings. Do you run? If not you should start. I just came back from a run and guess who I ended up passing? My ex and I playfully pushed her off the path in my the grass and she laughed. I’m 13 months past D and I still miss the family unit sometimes and guess what I bet she does too. I’m not going to let that ruin the rest of my life.

Where you’re going to get yourself into trouble and probably end up here again because you won’t take the time to understand women. We told you 100 times that this is how she feels right now. She will miss them down the road when the newness wears off. You don’t get a gold star for not beating or cheating there is so much more then that including understanding her feelings.

99% of the WW do not veer off the path once you get here so your case isn’t special.

[Btrow]

It’s so sad that we got to this point. I don’t know how she would want to be away from the kids for 4 days, but that is just me.

Wolfman, mid 2014 some changes were made to the schedule at my XW's workplace, meaning she would have to work 16 evening shifts each month. She was in tears as she couldn't do that to her kids. She panically applied for several other jobs just for her kids sake. Even for a position at the local cookie factory. (she works with disabled children, a job she LOVES). Early 2015 I was away from home for 4 days for work related stuff, and my kids called me crying every night that they missed me. When i got back home she told me "NEVER do that again. The kids can't be without you" .
12 months later.... BOMBDROP.

Now she doesn't see them at all every other week and sometimes go 2-3 weeks without sein them. Feelings change. And we don't get it. Maybe later she won't either, but for now it is what it is. Take the advice here, follow your path, apply DB. No one knows the future, right?

[Wolfman]

W,

Where you’re going to get yourself into trouble and probably end up here again because you won’t take the time to understand women. We told you 100 times that this is how she feels right now. She will miss them down the road when the newness wears off. You don’t get a gold star for not beating or cheating there is so much more then that including understanding her feelings.

99% of the WW do not veer off the path once you get here so your case isn’t special.

I understand this is how she feels now. I k ow what you are saying about women’s feelings. I definitely dropped the ball. LH for me anytime I heard divorce it was usually those “bad” things I mentioned. This is all new to me that people get divorced because of certain emotional needs not being met. Trust me I will not make that same mistake again. I have learned a lot during this process.
Also my morning routine will change. I am a teacher and work starts on Tuesday .

[Wolfman]

Question. Tonight w wants to go over the stipulation before we give it back to the lawyer. I really want her to know I still do t want this. Is there anything I can say or do? I know everyone always says don’t talk about the relationship but I want her to know I still don’t want this!!! Even if she knows I don’t want it I feel she needs to still hear it from me. I am trying so hard to be strong here but I am faultering. She needs this stipulation done so she can buy me out. Buy me out of the home we lived in for 10 years. The home that I refinished every room. Finally made it to what “we” wanted to now have to walk away from it and there is nothing I can do. My life feels like one of those monster scenes she. The little guy is being forced to sign over his business to one of the monsters and there is nothing he can do. I know if I saw my w hurting and see how much this home meant to her I wouldn’t do that to her. I honestly believe I would have a change of heart. I’m looking for advice from the vets here!!! I think I know the answer but just thought I would ask.