Hope you guys had a good weekend. WW called me Fri about a kid concern and it devolved into an R talk. I repeated said we are talking about our D15 and not the R and she said she wanted to talk R. She said she wasn't sure if she could go back to our M. Replied - I know, there is a lot to think about. She said she felt like I was holding the house over her head and making her feel like she didn't deserve to live in it. She also said she felt like I hated her and never imagined how bad it does hurt. I told her I do not hate her at all and that she alone decided to leave. I told her that I still have some hope left. She stated she would be transporting S12 to an event out of state this weekend and I offered to contribute some funds for it.
I wish I could somehow rid her of all this resentment and anger she has inside. I really feel like I have gotten rid of mostly all of my resentment to her through therapy and church. I didn't tell her this - but I just want her to come back home and end this madness.
Concert Fri night was great. I participated with transporting the kids and had some good talks w them. Made some food yesterday and helped a friend move yesterday. What I thought was going to be a 2 hour job turned into a 7 hour job. She wasn't prepared and a lot of the time was spent with her going through pics, talking to family, telling me stories behind belongings etc. I tried my best to just be a supportive friend and it's something I wouldn't have offered up to help with in my past. She got divorced in 2007 and it was amazing to me how unhealed she was from the ordeal.
Going to try to work out more this week, finish reading the second half of DB, and just keep in regular contact w the kids.
Hey mate. Sounds like you did good in the R talk she sprung on you. I suspect this was premeditated.
I probably would have left out the bit about you having hope and her deciding to leave though. I'd get onto R2C's noteable quotes thread as there's some good stuff there!
Next time, tell her you'd love to chat, but you need to shoot and you'll take a rain cheque.
Keep working out mate! Good on you. Seeing any results?
Me: early 40's XW: nearly 50 T: 15 M: 5 BD: Jan 19 S:10 SS: 22 SD: 24
My latest things are the kids being abnormally quiet (not responding to texts). They are staying with her by choice and I basically do not want to rock the boat. i miss them a lot.
Are you worried about disconnecting from S12 if you let the kids stay with mom 100%, especially given she’s hostile? With my ex-wife and I, we encouraged the kids that having two parents in their lives was ideal.
Hi CWarrior - I am worried and kind of fear they are being coached by someone over on her side to stay away from me. i've always been extremely close to my kids and this is just weird.It wouldn't surprise me if she stooped to that level - like I said, she is just very angry all the time and *constantly* playing the victim card. Not once has she empathized with me this entire year. It's amazing in a bad way, when i think about it.
Just trying to make any encounter with the kids a positive one and be there for them.
Her anger is just her internal pain coming to the surface. Try to stay detached from it so you can see it as her pain and not as your issue.
Both sides of a divorcing couple offer up all sorts of advice, this is normal. Dragging the kids in is not OK but you don't know that it is happening. Maybe the kids are hurt by you seeing other women, your W certainly is. And maybe it's nothing.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
I came home to a fluorescent green card from the Sherrifs Dept stating they’d like to to be contacted regarding serving a Civil Summons. Am betting these are my divorce papers. My anxiety level has gone through the roof and I didn’t sleep much last night. I was hoping we could somehow mediate or work something out together. I’m going to give my attorney a call this morning before I contact the Sheriffs Dept.
I haven’t called nor texted her. I can’t believe in 20 years together, this is how it will end.
I haven’t called nor texted her. I can’t believe in 20 years together, this is how it will end.
I'm very sorry you're going through this. Getting served is arguably the worst part of this whole process. For me getting served was far worse than the actual D. It's easy to lose hope when you are holding those papers in your hands. But you should have hope anyway, because you STILL have a chance at recon, probably just farther down the road than you hoped. And even if you don't recon, you may find yourself in a R that's even better and more fulfilling. A lot of us have! My girlfriend just did another model shoot and sent me the proofs. They are underwater shots of her wearing some very sheer drape-like clothing that billows out all around her. She looks exactly like a painting of a Greek goddess. My reaction was just... DAYUM!! Sometimes I still can't believe how lucky I am. Later my ex came over to drop off something for our S. Bless her heart she is really struggling with extra weight, mainly in the belly area. Her hair was greasy and she had frumpy clothes on and nerdy glasses. I look at her now and just wonder at why I tried so hard to save an M to this unattractive person that said to my face that she didn't love me and didn't want to be married anymore!
It can be shocking to see. I remember the first time W left me, she packed all her things with her mother while I was at work. I knew her stuff would be gone when I got home, but I was not prepared when I walked in the front door. It hit me like a ton of bricks that this was actually happening.
I will mirror what AnotherStander said, it's not over for you. Time has a way of changing people, their thoughts, opinions, and feelings can change pretty drastically.
3 times my W left me. All 3 times, I was 100% convinced I would never hear from her again. She's come back 3x now and my friends/family are warning me to prepare for a 4th return.
I don't think I could ever take her back as much as it pains me to admit it. I still love her but this is no way to live.
Last piece of advice that I hope you will consider - DO NOT react to how you are feeling right now. It will only cause you more trouble. Talk to your lawyer but do not contact W right now, nothing good can come from it.
All good advice. I am trying to just get advice from my attorney and am meeting with her tomorrow morning after getting a lot of half accurate advice from well meaning friends. I have a call in to the Sheriff Dept and will pick up the documentation I need after work.
My emotions are all over the place. Sometimes I feel like a failure. Sometimes I question why I tried sustaining a marriage with someone who not once empathized to me and not once wanted to stand up and support what we had. I miss her. I get beyond confused whether to just move forward without or pray and wait she comes back.
At this point, I am going dark. Having a girl spend the night when the WW lives across the street wasn't my brightest idea but man, you have to go live your life.
