Divorce because I betrayed her trust - PART 3

[DS9]

Hey dan remember to keep everything short. Post issue could’ve been condensed to ‘ ta please post to xyz regards dan ‘

I wouldn’t validate the phone thing at all.

If she writes war and peace you write spot the dog. If she talks like Shakespeare you talk like John wick.

Yes waiting is very good

[DaB35]

Thanks DS.

Yes on reflection I could have made my request much shorter. I'm learning!

OK so ignore the phone thing. I will wait til after lunch then say "Yes Monday will be fine, thank you." and leave it at that.

If she writes war and peace you write spot the dog.

Love this ^

[DS9]

Instead of Monday being fine etc just flick her a thumbs up emoji.

Have you read the excellent book world war z? When battling the ghouls, they weren’t winning til they began to ‘out G the G ‘.

[DaB35]

I don't have a smartphone now, so emojis aren't possible on my little 1-inch screen device!
No Wi-Fi, no GPS, only stores 50 texts (including ones I've sent), no data. It has been BRILLIANT. Had it 4 months now.

I just check my emails in my lunch break at work or at home, and then check facebook (when I do use it, which is not often) or watch YouTube etc. when I'm at home. It's great.
When I go out on lunch for a walk I enjoy the colour of the sky or the sounds of the town etc. much more. Also, I walk better, and slower, with more purpose and confidence. I'm going to keep being a non-smartphone user! Plus it's a nice talking point occasionally.

[DaB35]

LIttle Journal

Day off from gym today. Did a bit of work at home instead.

Going to look at various lock-up storage facilities tomorrow to see what my options are.

I'm sad to lose our wonderful house that we really looked after for 3 years, but W decided to fire me so I have to respect her decision, much as I don't think it was the right one. I'm therefore looking at GAL and detachment instead.

My intention is not solely to get her to notice my changes. No. My goal is to continue bettering myself and show everyone that I have improved my outlook on life and general perception of myself, which has always never been 100%. I will be AMOAFWL.

[DaB35]

That's why several of us suspect there's more going on here.

I've been thinking about this for a day or so. There really is no evidence that she was or is seeing someone else. She has never mentioned it, and I believe she is incapable of keeping that a secret. She says "I cannot keep any secrets. I have to tell it to someone. I can't lie." That's the remnants of guilt from her childhood religious upbringing there, and she has acknowledged that is what it is herself many times.

She has expressed annoyance that I'm too quiet and 'don't say any words'. She would not address this like DR explains - "When you don't talk to me frequently about what's going on in your life or your thoughts [etc.], I feel..."
I'd just get "Why don't you speak?!" We wouldn't argue but that was because of NGS - avoiding conflict.

When I would be annoyed at her or she did something that upset me, I wouldn't call her out on it. My fault entirely - no boundaries set. This led to her friends joke that she wore the trousers and was 'in charge' of me. She didn't like that and always said we were equals. But truth is she has a very dominating personality, despite the fact that she has admitted it is a massive front because she is immensely insecure - although she only reveals this when she is extremely upset (like discovering my infidelity and online chats etc.).

This is why I'm sad that she dismissed IC for herself. I think it'd help her enormously. To clarify, I'm not suggesting it to her 24/7!

She is just a "simple soul" (her words) who "sees things straight down the middle - I tell it like it is."

I honestly cannot think of anything further that might be "going on".

Have I missed something?

[DaB35]

W has emailed me to say that our house is on the market.

She attached a link. I don't want to look at the link as it might make me upset.

Any advice on how I should respond? And should it be email or text?

[DaB35]

I'm going to email back:

"OK, thanks for letting me know [thumbs up emoji]"

No Hi, no Bye.

[Traveler]

When I would be annoyed at her or she did something that upset me, I wouldn't call her out on it. My fault entirely - no boundaries set. This led to her friends joke that she wore the trousers and was 'in charge' of me. She didn't like that and always said we were equals.

For most, what you've copped to would be an excuse for ending a marriage they're dissatisfied with, rather than an insurmountable reason for ending a satisfying marriage. As you say, many of us have irrational triggers. IMHO, you've owned your mistakes.. and you haven't missed anything you've shared.

Any advice on how I should respond? And should it be email or text?

Are there any factors that go against the typical DB advice of a short acknowledgment?

[DS9]

My advice in responding to her letting you know about the house being listed is not to respond at all.

Or, depending on the vibe you wish to give, you could say something like - "Excellent! Let's hope it sells quick! Fingers crossed!!!!! (insert smile face emoji). Make sure you tell the agent we want a very quick settlement period."

I'm actually tending to the latter. Flips the script mate