Had a brief conversation with w last night on the phone. I know I made a mistake but I needed to say it. She called me to tell me the lawyer wrote up the new stipulation and if I looked it over yet. I said I didn’t because my phone hasn’t been working. (Just got a new battery for iPhone it kept crashing) She said I need to look it over so she can buy me out, the bank needs that. I said sure no problem. I said you sure you want to do this? She said, you still don’t get it? I said I absolutely do, you don’t have to explain it to me again. She said, you still don’t want this? I said absolutely not. I said how could you ask me that? I said no way I want this. I also said, it’s your decision and I can’t stop you but I don’t want this. She was silent on the other end for about 30 seconds. She said I wish things could have been different. She wishes there is something she could do. I wanted to say you can do something work on the marriage. but she is past the point of no return. Then said there was so thing else I wanted to talk to you about but can’t remember. When I said that, I felt like she was in shock, like she thinks I want a divorce now. That’s why sometimes I feel like time and space is doing exactly that, creating space. I can’t imagine how she would think I want d? I guess I have to just accept the inevitable.
M:42 XW:41 T:19 M: 15 D:13 S:10 BD: 8/10/18 Moved out: 8/18 Moved in: 9/18/18 Moved out: 4/22/19 D papers signed 11/4/19 D final 3/18/20
Please start a new thread and link the two threads together.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
She said, you still don’t get it? I said I absolutely do, you don’t have to explain it to me again.
So I am curious Wolf that if you wanted to get kicked in the nuts again (and you did), why not try to get the closure you're looking for from her? Why not say, I don't understand can you explain it to me? Because you certainly don't get it because you're on here at least once a week saying " I will never understand why my w wants a d all the problems are fixable".
Time and space will give her the opportunity to see if you are the reason she is unhappy and to see if she misses you. It will also give you the opportunity to see that life goes on and your happiness and identity isn't tied to the marriage. As time goes by and her resentment fades and your idealization of the marriage you thought you had disapates there may come a time where you both decide that maybe the life you had was good .Maybe it can be even better with the two of you working towards a new relationship. Only time will tell.
The bottom line is you want to be with someone who chooses, respects and wants to be with you.
She said, you still don’t get it? I said I absolutely do, you don’t have to explain it to me again.
Time and space will give her the opportunity to see if you are the reason she is unhappy and to see if she misses you. It will also give you the opportunity to see that life goes on and your happiness and identity isn't tied to the marriage. As time goes by and her resentment fades and your idealization of the marriage you thought you had disapates there may come a time where you both decide that maybe the life you had was good .Maybe it can be even better with the two of you working towards a new relationship. Only time will tell.
The bottom line is you want to be with someone who chooses, respects and wants to be with you.
I was in the middle of a similar post and, realization, and summization this morning. I was on the realization of happiness and identity being tied to the M as well as resentment and misery. People don't really know why they are unhappy when they are or were so close to someone, and if the other person is the reason, or if it is they themselves (the other person, or you.) Will post later on what I observed last night. Keep remembering this. Hammer it into your heads. Happiness is a choice. Just like love marriage and commitment is a choice. The feelings are the fruits or the results of that choice. It comes from within. It doesn't come from extertal gratification or novelty. LH19 take that quote and put it in the record books.
