I understand what you're saying, but there are reasons for all of this. As far as me on the couch, she has a bad back and can't sleep there. Plus she goes to bed at 8 and I go to bed later, other than nights that I GAL I would have nowhere in the house to go except upstairs to bed as well. I will tell her that she should be the one sleeping on the couch just so she understands that but I will not make her. As far as the moving out, I am currently taking online classes, and we have no internet at home and can't get it. So I have to do all my homework at work when I have downtime. The apartment location can have internet so it will help with my school. Plus we have a dog that I really don't want to deal with, I love dogs but I never wanted this one and she is a huge pain. Maintenance of the home will fall to her as well which she will not be able to handle. Maybe these aren't acceptable reasons, I really don't know, but this is how I see it.
Well the couch reason and is not acceptable affairs have consequences. As for the apartment, I have never heard of a house that didn't get internet. Are you ok with the possibility of OM being in your house and even possibly moving in?
Well the couch will stay that way, if it's a big fail on my part so be it but I'm not going to force her to the couch and take away my area to be able to unwind and relax. A house with no internet is indeed strange, it runs down to both corners but not in between down our road. I could have had it installed but the $32k bill seemed excessive! I never even would have thought I needed to check that out before I moved there, especially since we only went 1 mile down the road when we moved there. I can't say I'm comfortable with OM moving in, but I really don't see that happening. I'm still pretty sure this is fizzling, and she would not bring him there with our 2 boys around because then people would start to believe she's a cheater. She's still in full on denial that this was an affair to begin with. I mean I know that she realizes, but she will not fully admit the scope. Not to mention he's still married and not intending on divorcing his wife, from what she tells me anyway. I do keep an eye on the local courts to see if anything has been initiated but it has not.
I have checked with a lawyer, all is good on that front.
We have 2 boys, 6 and 18. The 18 year old will pretty much be spending his time with his mother and he is in and out of the house. So while the possibility is there I don't see it.
A question, LH. Quite honestly your comments are making me think maybe I'm not cut out for this whole DB thing. I understand the concept and all that, but the two things I've mentioned here, couch and apartment, I am doing what I feel is best for me in both cases. I do understand that I need to make things more difficult for W as well, but should I be doing things that aren't in my best interest just to make it difficult for her? If so, I'm not sure I can go down this road. I have not read the book and frankly it will be difficult for me without her finding it so it is not currently going to happen, I have been basing everything I know on this on the website and forums alone.
.... I have not read the book and frankly it will be difficult for me without her finding it so it is not currently going to happen, I have been basing everything I know on this on the website and forums alone.
Hi JR,
The book is a great tool. Can you keep it at your office and read it during breaks?
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
If you truly feel these things are best for you and you’re not trying to cater to her then that’s your decision. I have been on this forum for almost 5 years and typically when the LBS moves out they end up regretting it.
This will be the hardest thing you will probably ever do in your life time.
....Quite honestly your comments are making me think maybe I'm not cut out for this whole DB thing... I am doing what I feel is best for me in both cases.... I do understand that I need to make things more difficult for W as well, but should I be doing things that aren't in my best interest just to make it difficult for her?
Busting a divorce is hard work. Most of the work is focused on changing ones behavior. It is a self reflective process where one questions their belief system, makes positive changes in areas they identify as needing improvement.
I assume you want to stand for your marriage. That is what I base my suggestions on.
Buy Divorce Remedy and keep it someplace wife will never be able to find it. If your office is not an option, there are many other options. One roadblock should not stop you from your goal. There are many solutions to every problem. That is how you need to look at busting your D. What is my goal? What are my options? Which options have the best odds of working? Let me try a few...even if they seem counter-intuitive.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
It's not impossible for me to hide the book and read it, just very tricky. Between work, school, and family the combination of finding time to read it and hide it at the same time are tough. But, you are correct. I will find a way. I can see where this is clearly going to be hard work, very counterintuitive to not try to bend over and give them their way, to try to continue to be the nice guy. Usually I have these ideas in my head of what I want to say, and when the conversation comes up it just comes out all wrong.
I really do believe the apartment is in my best interest. The house is being sold either way so I would be needing to find a place to live. I would rather not buy a house until I get a better feel of what I can afford, and I can't buy one without selling ours first for a down payment. We pretty much missed our window to sell before 2020, so this is the best option for me. There is really not much in my area for rentals, small town, and this one required what will at the end be a 4 month wait just to get in.
