Well it is coming up on that time again. BD anniversary date. 12/23 will be two years since BD. It amazes me the amount of anxiety that date can still drum up.
Most of you that were here last year know that last year at this time I was struggling with why I fought so hard to save my marriage. Why I didn't just walk away after BD last year. I struggled for a couple of months with the idea of pulling the plug myself, as most of you are aware.
This year I am much more content in our new MR. After the speed bump in the late summer, as documented here, things are back on an even keel. Her and I are settling into middle-age, heading towards old-age, with a firm commitment to each other and to our MR. And this time I am not resting on my laurels. I continue to read, learn and improve. The sale of the old house has move forward, and soon I will insist that her and I get back into MC. I will get back into IC. I am never again going to sit back and just let life come at me, I am going to go out and get out of life what I want.
Anyway, I am sure I will come back here as the emotions of that date continue to rise and fall. Just wanted to give a quick update.
Steve85, I have been following your sitch for some time now. Although, I never commented. I’m glad to hear that things are going well with you and your wife. Your situation always gave me hope.
It’s funny that you say you battled with the decision to fight for your marriage. I can truly relate to that. I beat myself up sometimes for not walking away 2 years ago when I was first BD’d. Anyway, I won’t hijack your thread, it’s just good to hear that you and your wife are committed to building a new marriage. I wish you both the best!
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
I would love to hear your perspective if you are willing to share. I am sure other readers would benefit.
Interesting thread. I will have to look at it in more depth. I do think that the OP really hit on something related to positivity. You have to remain ever positive if you have any hope of success in piecing and Ring. Negativity, and being overly sensitive will destroy you. But I need to take more time to really digest that thread.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Well it is coming up on that time again. BD anniversary date. 12/23 will be two years since BD. It amazes me the amount of anxiety that date can still drum up.
Most of you that were here last year know that last year at this time I was struggling with why I fought so hard to save my marriage. Why I didn't just walk away after BD last year. I struggled for a couple of months with the idea of pulling the plug myself, as most of you are aware.
This year I am much more content in our new MR. After the speed bump in the late summer, as documented here, things are back on an even keel. Her and I are settling into middle-age, heading towards old-age, with a firm commitment to each other and to our MR. And this time I am not resting on my laurels. I continue to read, learn and improve. The sale of the old house has move forward, and soon I will insist that her and I get back into MC. I will get back into IC. I am never again going to sit back and just let life come at me, I am going to go out and get out of life what I want.
Anyway, I am sure I will come back here as the emotions of that date continue to rise and fall. Just wanted to give a quick update.
Steve85, I have been following your sitch for some time now. Although, I never commented. I’m glad to hear that things are going well with you and your wife. Your situation always gave me hope.
It’s funny that you say you battled with the decision to fight for your marriage. I can truly relate to that. I beat myself up sometimes for not walking away 2 years ago when I was first BD’d. Anyway, I won’t hijack your thread, it’s just good to hear that you and your wife are committed to building a new marriage. I wish you both the best!
I think part of it is laziness? I think after a year of always being on, last year at this time I was ready to just sit back and relax. And just come down for a while. I also think I had gotten a little lax in my GAL. GAL is not a temporary, just get me through my sitch thing. It is a lifelong thing. We should always be GAL! Just like we should always be self-improving (180s) and always being in a healthy level of self-differentiation (detachment).
If you think about it, the easiest way to bring about death in any aspect is to do nothing. If you sat down in one spot and did nothing, in a short period of time you would die right there. Same with relationships. Sitting down and doing nothing will bring about the death of your MR.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Wow, interesting too see you in a vulnerable spot.
Originally Posted by Newbie20
It is sad and the older the people are, the sadder and dumber it is to D in my opinion. What are they running to? Do people in their late 50s, 60s and over really think there is better out there? I don't get it. I haven't dated in 35 years and from what I see and hear, I DON'T WANT TO!
Yeah, none of us are perfect here. I've given bad advice and been called out for it. And rightfully so. Vulnerability is part of being human. And while at times it is easy to see objectivity in other people's sitches, in our own it is very difficult.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Steve, wow I didn't remember that she BD'd you two days before Christmas, how thoughtful was that? Incredible! Hopefully the anxiety will pass but it's certainly understandable. My grandfather took his life right before Christmas when I was a kid and it was many, many years before I could make it through Christmas again without feeling terrible grief.
Originally Posted by Newbie20
It is sad and the older the people are, the sadder and dumber it is to D in my opinion. What are they running to? Do people in their late 50s, 60s and over really think there is better out there? I don't get it. I haven't dated in 35 years and from what I see and hear, I DON'T WANT TO!
Well it is easier for men I think, because we can date a lot younger. There's still a taboo in place for women to do that although it's not as frowned upon as it once was. Dating the same age once you're over 50 is tough because everyone is pretty set in their ways and established by then. Younger people have a lot more flexible lives and living situations, so if you date younger it's easier for your partner to adapt to your home and work schedule. Now as for what a WAS is thinking, well they're in the fog of a fantasy. They really do think they'll find that perfect mate that worships them, wants to spend every waking moment gazing into their eyes, makes millions, is emotionally supportive and is ready and willing for sex whenever called upon. Do they find that? No, of course not. But they -think- they will and you simply can't compete with a fantasy, because a fantasy partner has zero baggage and zero problems.
Well, in my case, he's 64 and "unable" to put it delicately. So younger ain't happening and the older ones .... OMG. He got lucky with me. I look 15-18 years younger.
