Divorce/WAW due to my infidelity Part 3

[crdcheck]

Having my lawyer review the mediation docs (settlement agreement) this week, looking to get notarized next, submitted to court week of the 4th. So, we're at the end. I don't see any way to change course at this point but any advice for what I should be doing the next couple of months? I'm doing the following:

-Minimizing contact w/ W (no random texts, invites to see a concert together)
-Always being positive (I need to work on this - I still have a bit of a clinical tone with her)
-GALs (weekly class I'm taking, reading regularly, doing yard work, cooking, volunteering, plus working out)
-Not reaching out to her parents
-Not playing D4 off of her in any way
-Expanding friend group (tough as I feel like I have no time)

Is it just "wait and see" then? Like, one day (X)W will (or won't) reach out to say "hey, we should talk"?

[LH19]

CC,

You definitely don’t want to see concerts together but the rest of the points look really good.

Just start moving forward in your life and I would suggest waiting a year to date.

As for the phone call one day. Highly unlikely that it will be that straight forward and most likely at least 2 years away.

[crdcheck]

You definitely don’t want to see concerts together but the rest of the points look really good.

Yes, of course - I worded that poorly. I'm not sending her anything that's not tactical. Candidly, I really want to say "are you sure?" but know that's a terrible idea. Also, our 10-year anniversary is Nov 14... we may technically make that. Wish I could say something.

Just start moving forward in your life and I would suggest waiting a year to date.

How do you define "date" in this context? I don't want anything serious but I want to be able to go out with other people. Can you clarify?

As for the phone call one day. Highly unlikely that it will be that straight forward and most likely at least 2 years away.

Hopefully I recognize the outreach. I mean, I'm not giving much of an opening. For example, my parents are taking her (used to be our) dog for Thanksgiving (I have no idea how that happened, waiting for my parents to explain) and W asked me if I would take her for a day between when W takes D4 to her hometown and when my parents come to town. That doesn't feel like outreach to me but could it be? I know, I know - ridiculous. I just don't know what to keep my eyes open for.

[Ready2Change]

How do you define "date" in this context? I don't want anything serious but I want to be able to go out with other people. Can you clarify?

"date" = "doing an activity with one woman" (With possible intentions of intimacy)

Your single time will most likely be brief. Enjoy it.

[LH19]

I think you need to define what you mean by outreach.

[crdcheck]

I think you need to define what you mean by outreach.

How will I know if her communications/asks are a subtle way to get back into an R. I don't expect that she's going to say "Hey, I made a mistake, let's see a counselor" but I don't to read into anything else, including interpreted tone in texts/emails.

[crdcheck]

"date" = "doing an activity with one woman" (With possible intentions of intimacy)

Your single time will most likely be brief. Enjoy it.

Yeah, it's going to be tough to go a year. I'm not looking to not be single but I don't want to not date, and I can't see a reason I would hold off for myself (i.e. I would be holding off for (X)W). I enjoy it and it doesn't feel like it's that difficult (am getting some subtle nudges from people already).

[LH19]

CC,

You’ll know her intentions. I will be more then kid related stuff. Probably a trip down memory lane. Maybe innuendos.

Just being single things are going to happen if you have an active social life. I’m talking about getting into a serious relationship.

[AnotherStander]

Candidly, I really want to say "are you sure?" but know that's a terrible idea.

Correct, she's still "sure". When she changes her mind she will make sure you know.

Also, our 10-year anniversary is Nov 14... we may technically make that. Wish I could say something.

Technically my XW and I made 20 and then 21 after BD, after S but before D. Looking back I see how completely meaningless those anniversaries were.

How do you define "date" in this context? I don't want anything serious but I want to be able to go out with other people. Can you clarify?

Man if I had a dollar for every LBS that just wants to go hang out with women and then in short order ends up in a new R that they aren't ready for! Just be careful, everyone's timeline is different but rarely has an LBS healed enough for a new R in less than a year post-BD.

Hopefully I recognize the outreach. I mean, I'm not giving much of an opening. For example, my parents are taking her (used to be our) dog for Thanksgiving (I have no idea how that happened, waiting for my parents to explain) and W asked me if I would take her for a day between when W takes D4 to her hometown and when my parents come to town. That doesn't feel like outreach to me but could it be?

If by "outreach" you mean her expressing interest in recon, then rest assured it's not going to be anything confusing or requiring interpretation. She will make it very clear to you. You don't have to leave her an opening, she will make one. The dogsitting thing is probably just what it appears- she's looking for a dogsitter, free if possible.

[crdcheck]

Man if I had a dollar for every LBS that just wants to go hang out with women and then in short order ends up in a new R that they aren't ready for! Just be careful, everyone's timeline is different but rarely has an LBS healed enough for a new R in less than a year post-BD.

Ha! Yeah, definite risk to keep in mind. I just know myself - if opportunities come up I'll take advantage. Intimacy with W was terrible, I've spent years on lockdown... not going to lay low unless I see a huge risk with it. I don't want a real R for a while (don't want to be the cliche who says "never" but I don't really want to repeat this).

If by "outreach" you mean her expressing interest in recon, then rest assured it's not going to be anything confusing or requiring interpretation. She will make it very clear to you. You don't have to leave her an opening, she will make one. The dogsitting thing is probably just what it appears- she's looking for a dogsitter, free if possible.

Thanks, very helpful. Part of my detachment has been to avoid imagining what she's thinking which means I'm trying not to read into anything. Knowing that it will be obvious if she wants to recon is immensely helpful.