Additionally What do i do if she raises divorce? She has already stated she is no longer my wife and regardless of any changes she will never come back.
Do I state that I don't want a divorce that I still love her or that I'd prefer we worked on our issues/ relationship but won't stand in her way. I'm dreading this being raised
I guess I'm anxious about them returning and that she will remain free of doubt that this is what she wants.
She says she's not your wife, your compliments offend her, she'll never return, and she wants a private life. She says point blank she doesn't trust you. Isn't it obvious labeling yourself mentally ill and promising to change is doomed? It might have been enough back when she was deciding whether or not to leave you.
With the DB approach you work on bettering yourself--e.g., tackle APD and Depression. Maybe your wife will discover being away from her kids 50%, financial hardships, and the reality of modern dating doesn't live up to its grass is greener promises and she returns to this new and better you. Maybe after working out your issues you find a new and better wife, or maybe you discover a new and better life doesn't require any wife.
It [censored] being at rock bottom. This forum is full of others who've been there. You can pull through this.
Thanks LH19 We just had a huge blow out via whatsapp Started with her offloading about how difficult the kids had been today and how she had been struggling while away on holiday with them. I replied I knew it must be hard.
She then replied that she felt like she was messaging a call centre and wouldn't offload to me again.
I said it was ok, they are our kids.
Then came a massive offload from her. How sad she was losing her husband and best friend while seeing couples on holiday. How she felt cheated robbed and angry How she no longer loved or trusted me and now she had nothing How she had to rebuild while so vulnerable How I was just going out and making new friends (This was weird as I went out 1 night this week with my one friend who came Down for the weekend to offer support) How I could just change now and how cheated she felt that I hadn't done it while together. How everyone thinks "wow what a great guy" Then a "F U!"
How because of my mental health I'm the victim with loads of support and she has nothing ( I have just my mental health nurse at the moment, zero social contacts locally she has a huge extended group of friends who she speaks to and sees daily) How I had lied about changes last time we seperated just to get back and abuse her How I have been Gaslighting her.
Then she changed tact Asked when I could pack my belongings. When I got keys for new flat That she didn't want to be around when I packed and just wanted her own life. Then could I stay at the house this weekend to look after kids as her friend is coming down and she would like to go out!
I was mostly just validating, I didn't apologise or argue anything. I did say I missed the kids and would watch them.
Despite feeling exhausted by the conversation and upset after having mostly positive messages about the kids and holiday this week. It is the first glimmer I have seen that she is upset by the seperation.
1. Compose a response 2. Cut out about 30-50% of the text 3. Wait a bit longer than you think you should to hit send
This will stop you feeling exhausted by chats like these, gives you a little time to think, and doesn't make you feel pressured to go back to her quickly.
Me - 36, W - 32 No kids T - 8 yr, M - 3 yr Discovery - 14 May 2019 S - 25 May 2019 & D bomb - 29 July 2019 D & House sale final - Feb 2020
W:"I want a divorce right now!!" H:"I see many solutions to our problems, but if divorce is the ONLY way for you to be happy, I will not stand in your way." W:"Bla bla bla bla" H:"I understand you feel that way" And keep validating.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
