Good for you saying you will not be part of a love triangle. Now you have to pick yourself up and GAL . Get confident . You made a boundary that shows you are strong .
She admitted to not wanting to loose you but still continues PA. Boundary you have PA you do not have me .
Go dark for sometime. If she reaches out do not respond .
I know you are just emotionally broken but you can do this .
Keep that boundary. No more visits, talks, chats etc. Detach yourself from her and the hurt.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
Good morning all! Yesterday was really difficult, but day one of NC down and successful. She did text about a work thing - news flash I manage several veterinary practices and she works part time in one. I responded politely and short. She came by my main office and dropped off some paperwork. We didn't speak, she handed it to me and I just said thank you. I went to a have dinner with one of our married couple friends and they asked how everything was going with us "working on our M". I told them I didn't want to talk about it and just wanted to enjoy their company. They never brought it back up. Homemade tomato basil soup and grilled cheese for the WIN! This morning I have had waves of anxiety, but in general I feel optimistic about the day and am in a good mood. I know there will still be many ups and downs, but I am trying to look forward to each day getting a little easier to detach.
PS. I took off my wedding ring yesterday and it's been a really weird feeling - is this ok and normal? She hasn't worn hers in months, and I just felt like I needed to physically separate that commitment from my body.
LBW 32 - me WW 31 T 7 M 4 No Kids 4 dogs
Separated 1y Navigating the mine field and GAL with or without
Yes it’s an odd feeling not wearing your wedding band . I still go to twist mine sometimes and it’s no there . Great job with the work drop off and not talking about your marriage . You did really good keeping it short . Simple thank you .
Great job K!! Not to be pushy... but have you thought at all about changing the locks? You've taken a big symbolic step to detach and focus on YOU by taking off your ring, and I just want to put out there that the locks are also symbolic but also protective-- taking off your ring won't stop her from coming over next time she is drunk and sad, and that could put you in a spin. Just want to send some continued support to you for taking this all a day at a time, protecting yourself, and planning to fill your days with people who love you like you did last night during this difficult space.
Wedding rings are weird... my H takes his off all the time for surfing and yoga (BTW all this talk about shooting ranges and being macho/alpha cracks me up, we are in such a different community... yoga is where I can forget my sitch) and told me that he isn't as quick to put it back on afterwards because of what is going on between us... but he does, neither of us mention it now but I am always looking to see if it is on or off and (maybe stupidly) take some measure of comfort when he is wearing it. He wore it on his trip (though might be taking it off while there for all I know). For you guys (K and CG) when did your spouses take theirs off? CG, when did you take yours off?
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
CG - yeah I took all my jewelry off last night before bed and went to take it off but it wasn't there. VERY weird feeling.
May - I don't want to change the locks because it (until this weekend) has never been a surprise when she has used her key. Ordinarily, she is very polite and asks if she can stop by to grab something, see our dogs, etc. I don't forsee it becoming an issue as she knows I don't want her company right now. I was very clear I wanted space. I just hope I'm strong enough to DB when she reaches out on occasion. She took hers off sometime earlier this year. Afterwards, it was and on again off again situation. I noticed she would only wear it if we would be around other people or went to a family event. Didn't wear it on a daily basis, or during her time with me. I took mine off yesterday.
LBW 32 - me WW 31 T 7 M 4 No Kids 4 dogs
Separated 1y Navigating the mine field and GAL with or without
My husband took it off two days after he moved out . I took mine off around same time maybe few days later . Still haven’t put it back on . I did say something about it other night . He agreed easily but it’s at his sisters .
May - that's a great idea and I've been trying to think through different things to say when she inevitably invites me to do something.
"I already have plans, but thanks" "Unless things have somehow changed for you, I do not want to spend time together." "AHHHH I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY?!" haha
I am epic failing at DB with not responding to her texts. Mostly, she is treating me as a friend and as if nothing happened. But also confusing the heck out of me with texts about her new job and adding me as beneficiary, talking about retirement plans, giving me financial advice. I have responded, but tried to keep it short. "Ok, thanks, etc" It's making me so angry how easily she can get her hooks into me for a response. I'm reading and re-reading all of your posts and encouragement.
I was thinking about things last night and how do Sandi's rules change or alter when dealing with a WS as opposed to a WAS? Many of the rules seem drastically soft to be enforced on a S in an active affair.
I'm making plans again tonight with a friend so I'm successfully removing myself from hermit mode. That part feels good, because for the last 6 months plus I have not been motivated to do anything.
LBW 32 - me WW 31 T 7 M 4 No Kids 4 dogs
Separated 1y Navigating the mine field and GAL with or without
