Confused and Lost

[KristinG]

R2C,

I haven't actually said this mantra to her. I just repeat it to myself so that I can stick to the boundary if/when she asks to do anything. For now, I think she knows the answer will be no. It's nice to have that little reminder to stay grounded and not get hopeful, anxious, etc. though.

I know that this (independence and exclusivity) is the ultimate goal. It DEFINITELY feels counter-intuitive to the norm. Judge me if you will - but it doesn't feel right in my bones to just cut communication completely. I know this is the definition of feeling counter-intuitive but I have to follow my heart. I don't reach out first and have gotten slower to respond. Again, taking time for myself and letting her have whatever space she wants. Right now I'm friend-zoning her hardcore because, at this point, I'm finally to the point that I'm not sure I want to R. At least not until actions follow suit. I guess I'm just done falling for her smooth talk. (or trying to be)

[AnotherStander]

I don't know if she is still in comm with AP, and I haven't snooped to find out.

More than likely she is. Usually if the WAS breaks contact with OP then they tell the LBS about it, I think to assuage some of their own guilty feelings. It rarely means anything though, within a few days or week they are right back on with OP, or onto OP #2.

I think I'm finally starting to build some walls of protection for myself. Boundaries. I keep repeating one of the suggested replys to her on here and it has become my mantra.

"Given our current situation, I don't think spending time together is a good idea"

Good, you have to kind of make yourself remember the rules at first but eventually you'll get the hang of it.

I have discovered that I need to work on the unhealthy attachment we both have for one another.

But was it unhealthy? Here's my take. Marriage is all about coming together with another as a team. You depend on each other- codependency isn't a disease, it's NORMAL in marriage! When we get BD'd then our natural reaction is to say "I never should have gotten this attached, it hurts too much". But that's love. Being in love is a wonderful thing until a breakup, then is su$ks!

[KristinG]

I hope I did this right: Link to the new thread

https://www.divorcebusting.com/foru...flat&Number=2870184&#Post2870184

[Ready2Change]

I don't reach out first and have gotten slower to respond. ....I'm just done falling for her smooth talk....

Perfect.


After bomb drop, all the relationship rules change. Quickly adapting to the new rules is key.


Actions speak louder than words. Both from you and her.

Change your actions. Watch her actions.