The last straw

[Ready2Change]

Hi Zip,

Here are all my post. Read them. Understand that they apply to all men. Apply them to your sitch:
https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=userposts&id=19238


Dig into Coach, PuppyDogTails, RobX, AllenA, Steve85, AnotherStander, LH19 posts. They are very wise.

[Zip]

Well I have been away for some time from the board regarding posting and working in DBing. Joined the gym and working on trust issues w the wife.

Then came thanksgiving....and the headway I was thinking was taking place definitely not taking hold. W informed me of why she wasn’t going to my family gathering as we have for 30+yrs but instead to her sisters house. I was disappointed but agreed she should go. The reasons she gave were not what I expected:

First, my mother called and introduced herself as W’s ex Mil. Although she fought herself before finishing saying it, the damage was done. I questioned my mom why she would have said such and she said it just slipped out.

Second. My Bro told his S about the pending D inAugust and he told his M, an Ex who my W met for dinner the same week and was informed of the D before she had time to mention it.

End result..she went to her S house. Saw her for 3 min on thanksgiving to wish her a good day.

Saw her for 2 min on Black Friday prior to her leaving for the rest of the w/e to spend time w her S at their beach house. Texted her Friday to make sure she made it and no communication after that until she returned Sunday afternoon. We all watched football the rest of the eve with min conv but everything was okay.

THEN CAME MONDAY MORNING

I was leaving for work and she stopped me saying she had to talk to me...to say “ I can’t live here under these conditions any longer....then handed me paperwork to sign “ so she can buy a beach house and move on.

There is a lot in this doc regarding pending an absolute D and stating we have been separated since Sept 2016.

She disclosed she has put away $250k over a period of time and now know she is trying to protect this money to buy the house...in addition to expecting 50% of what we own.

Furthermore, she says I have 5 days to sign or her L will drag me into court.....

So the past 2 days I have been a wreck emotionally but today has been better. I realize I am getting played and now am wondering how this may work out. Have an appt next week w L and have been strategizing on how to proceed.

What a f#$&@ mess. All while I was hoping we were making baby steps in the right direction.

Any vets want to add 2 cents to this disaster would be greatly appreciated

Zip

[Zip]

Been thinking on the separation date being 9/2016...

Found out there is a diff between marital assets and earned assets. Earned assets are not included in a D if earned after the sep date. The marital assets are split at time of D.....so she is trying to protect her nest egg from me. She was able to earn and have min expenses as I was paying the mtge and other exp vs her. She didn’t share this until around July this yr. I was not happy she has been withholding this as it’s clear there was a motive to it...

Some feel she will lose if and when this date is challenged. She was in the marital bed until aug 3 2019. Up til then we have been a married couple but w/o sex for 3 yrs.

The other option may be to accept the date if all marital assets are valued at 9/16 values and I would get the diff in the values vs her. It’s interesting how you can get sc#@$d w/o even knowing it’s coming.

Thoughts?

Zip

[Zip]

One idea is being she has not filed for D, I could file and use thee correct date and she will have to fight it vs me.

Second. Maybe try to negotiate all the assets now while she wants something vs waiting and making her mad beyond negotiating....

All L questions at this time but I am finding it hard to think I would ever want to try reconciling if it was an option , which I am quite sure that train left the station a while ago without my seeing it leave.

Guess m
I am a LBS....wondering what to do now....

I know my heart is now broken and need to get myself in a place to deal with the destruction...

Zip

[Zip]

I am probably not handling this right but I don’t want to even be with her in the same room or converse w her. D23 is with her most of the time or she is in her office working. I have not spoken to her but once yesterday when I told her I am in a horrible emotional state and will try working on getting her the doc when I see a L which is next W.

She says it’s like living with a wet blanket piled on her and she can’t do it anymore. This is the first I have heard such since the pic issue in August. I find it really odd that all of a sudden she needs out and now!

Afraid my D23 is prob going to move out w her or to her bf house. Lots of negative changes and trying to deal with what I can control.

My questions are what should I do on being with them or should I stay clear of W. I know now she is ready for a battle to keep all she can and more... and this “ I can’t live like this anymore” came as a surprise without any indication.

Oh and the last night when I got in, she wanted to know if I wanted to watch survivor with her....I politely declined.

This is nuts.....


Zip

[Zip]

I feel she has worked me over and the battle hasn’t even started

2 weeks ago, we had a conv and I told her she is free to go if that’s what she wants. Said a D isn’t what I want but I am not holding her back. Also said I’m not going to pursue her but if she goes, I’m going to be right here at home.

Second thoughts might not have been the best thing to say but in reality, why stay if she is set on going. I now see she has been planning to leave and waiting for the right time.

And to think we have D27s wedding here at the farm in June....this just s#cks! I feel so bad for D27 and that her wedding is in the midst of our D.

Starting to get pissed at the W. Need to remind myself this is her doing. Not mine. Her issues, m
Not mine, and I cant control her...if she wants to go... then....

Zip

[Zip]

Need to sleep and eat....not much of either the past few days.

I never wanted to be here but, I will be in a better place in the future....just seem that it won’t be with her.

So ironic, I rent to a couple who divorced and now back living together after a couple yrs, I then had a call from a client who was divorced when I met her and she then dated another client of mine. Not long ago I heard she got married again. I asked why she still had her first married last name and she said “ I did get married again, back to my first husband”!

So...never say never....keep DBing..

Zip

[Ready2Change]

Sorry to hear this.

Do not sign anything. Review things with your lawyer.

I am going to re-read your last several posts.

[Zip]

Thanks R2C

No not signing anything.

How can she act cool and normal when she knows what she is trying to do to me?

I need to knock off the edgy attitude as it is so instinctive when you feel you are being attacked.

It’s amazing how your best friend turns into your biggest enemy. Talk about a helpless feeling. Didn’t get here quickly and wouldn’t change quickly.....but time has expired on this M.

Keep thinking....what a loss....for all of us.

Zip

[Ready2Change]

Do not make any major decisions right now, but you can't sit on things.

1) DO NOT HAVE ANY MORE DISCUSSIONS WITH HER.

2) Part of your plan should include:

I would claim you have not separated. You both live in the same house correct? The day she moves out is the date of separation.

The cash she saved up can go on her half of the balance sheet. (or you can claim part of it). Do some research in the "Real Value" of things. $100K equity in a house does not equal $100K in cash. There are TAX issues as well. DANF is no longer posting here, but he was wise in the financial area.