So right before heading to work my wife told me two of her work friends bought her a ticket to go on a trip the weekend after this one, and if I could be with the kids Thursday-Friday (the rest of the weekend I was supposed to be with them and she usually leaves). She told me they surprised her with this, and that they're going to see their family, that she wished they had asked her before but they thought it would relax her a bit (whatever that means she said).
She put me on the spot but I kind of expected her to think I was going to be somewhat upset and I told her, it' fine with me. I didn't want to ask her many details but I did ask where the trip was, she told me it's to New York. She asked my opinion on what to do since the flight is at 4am on Thursday morning, she said she could leave late on Wed stay with her friends and they'd all go together. I said it was fine.
Did I do the right thing here? I do have to work those days, but all it means is I have to drive 1 extra kid to school, everything else is the same. I'm trying to give her space and not pressure her on this type of stuff. It's going to be a though 5 days for me wondering what the heck is going on over there, but I see no other options.
Not going to lie. The trip is very troubling. You handled it well because she is going no matter what you say or do. Has there been any other red flags like this? Do you know her co-workers? I'm really not buying the whole"they surprised me with a ticket" thing.
Don't dwell on it too much. But remain observant and vigilant. The truth always has a way of coming to light.
Last edited by Steve85; 10/31/1902:51 PM.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Not going to lie. The trip is very troubling. You handled it well because she is going no matter what you say or do. Has there been any other red flags like this? Do you know her co-workers? I'm really not buying the whole"they surprised me with a ticket" thing.
Don't dwell on it too much. But remain observant and vigilant. The truth always has a way of coming to light.
Yeah, I'm trying to control my mind from over-spinning.
For the last few years she's been closing herself off from our mutual, and Church friends. She's focused more on work friends and her family in Puerto Rico (which I was the one who reconnected them to her).
I didn't ask her what 2 (or 1 and mom) friends, she said it was somebody she has helped a lot in the past and I think she said they were taking her mom along.
She has this one friend that she talks to quite a bit on the phone (about pretty much nothing) that is a custodian at her hospital, and she helped her out because at one point she was homeless. I met her at a company picnic, didn't see anything suspicious. They hang around a lot.
I could be a jerk about it, I travel for work (although I stopped that after BD) ... I could have told her I have to be in the office Thursday but it just didn't seem worth it to do that.
I could be in denial, I've thought about it, but I don't think she's having an affair. But yeah, stuff like this doesn't help.
I think you handled it great. Taking the kids is always the right thing to do. I hope y'all find some serious fun this weekend and you should just forget about your W and enjoy the time you have alone. If she is doing something wrong then you can't stop her anyways, so let it go.
What do you like to do for fun and what haven't you done in forever that would be awesome?
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Well this weekend it's "her" weekend with the kids; I'm planning on going to a divorce support group on Friday night and not sure what after. Then on Saturday thinking of driving to Orlando, some festivals going on.
The weekend she'll be gone I have the kids, not sure what to do. I have some hotel points I was saving up and maybe we do another staycation in Orlando or go to St. Augustine. Not sure, but yeah I want to make sure we're all distracted that weekend.
The girls have weird reactions when their mom goes away on "her weekends". They don't question what she does, but when she doesn't answer their texts they get anxious. BTW she called those weekends her "weekends off" not "your weekends with the kids". :-/
BTW she called those weekends her "weekends off" not "your weekends with the kids". :-/
That seems kinds messed up. I never consider myself "off" from being a parent. No matter where I am in the world. And I've traveled to many different places of the past 6 years.
Well she's always been a great mom, and has dedicated all her time to our kids. Just a couple of things:
1) Our 4th child was a surprise, and I know that caused additional stress in our relationship but also on her life goals (we were talking about going back to school, I wanted to go on a trip to Paris with her, etc.)
2) The oldest kid who is now out of highschool and her, rebelled against her. I don't know if she blames me a bit for it, but I'm sure she thinks I didn't back her up enough in that conflict, so there's resentment there. She also feels like she failed our oldest child, she didn't but that's how she feels
3) The other day she told me about the "weekend off". She also told me that, "You can let the kids do whatever they want with you, but they're not going to disrupt my FLOW" (!?!?) She was referring to their last minute demands, and driving around all over the place. She's had enough, and I get it, but the way she expresses it is a bit disturbing. She did open up a lot to talk about that that weekend.
She also wants me to back her up with the kids which hast put me in uncomfortable circumstances:
a) She was arguing with one of the girls, who took offense to something she said, I backed my W up. My daughter then told me "I felt like you took mom's side against me because you want to be nice to her" (ouch!)
b) Another time she was having another argument with another kid, I stayed quiet. She then went to scream at me because I didn't back her up. I told her I didn't know the full situation and decided to stay quiet, not that I was contradicting her.
#1 rule of parenting: you need to have an united front. It sounds like your parenting with her has been broken for a long time. When you disagree, you do it privately, not in front of the kids.
Augusto, has anyone mentioned the book No More Mr. Nice Guy to you yet? I am detecting some nice guy syndrome tendencies here.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Yeah, that's something we're working on, but during this situation she's reading all my micro-expressions just to see if I even hint at thinking something else. But I believe it has gotten much better.
Yes, I've been called a nice guy before. Gotten that feedback from friends and family. Without going into all the details now, I kind of gave her too much say and freedom on our finances which she would keep messing up over and over and I would have to come in and save the day, when I should have put that under control years ago.
Never heard of the book, might be something I need to take a look at.
BTW, what do you guys recommend I do with my wedding ring for now? I still wear mine, I feel like I can't take it off until the D is 'official' and that taking it off is kind of giving in to her. But not sure ...
