I have read that thread so many times. I bent over backwards for her, because that was my 180. Or at least I thought it was. One of her complaints was I never listen and did what I wanted to do anyway. So I thought by doing everything she would see I have changed. It didn’t help. There was one thing looking back I truly regret and I was told numerous times about and that was taking back the MBR. I should have but yet again she convinced me being in their that I have not changed and I was vindictive. She just knew what to say to get her way. I hate her for that!!! I should have stayed there so she could have felt the pain I felt.
M:42 XW:41 T:19 M: 15 D:13 S:10 BD: 8/10/18 Moved out: 8/18 Moved in: 9/18/18 Moved out: 4/22/19 D papers signed 11/4/19 D final 3/18/20
Its their narritive Wolf. They expect you to emotionally play along with their narritive and react appropriately with their plan. Its like you almost have to be stoic at all times with them to keep them second guessing.Been super busy with the moving and getting life in order. But have been following you closely. Thinking of you and praying for you as well. Will try to be supportive later.
I am curious you say that bending over backwards was your 180 when it seems like all you ever did was bend over backwards and got nothing in return. Seems to me like a 180 to being submissive would be showing strength.
IH thanks so much. It’s not just d it everything else. There are so many life changes and they were forced upon me. I have to totally downgrade my life. I lived in a real nice area in a big beautiful home, to now a little shed almost literally
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Originally Posted by LH19
W, I am curious you say that bending over backwards was your 180 when it seems like all you ever did was bend over backwards and got nothing in return. Seems to me like a 180 to being submissive would be showing strength.
It’s funny you say that. I knew I did but she made me believe in the end I did nothing. I should have listened to you!! Everything you said was right. I was afraid and I tried to give in to her every wish thinking I was going to nice her back. I should have lived my life the way it was. Let her feel all the changes of leaving. I was just so afraid and in the end who got hurt... ME!!! She experienced no loss, no change. Should have never left and never left the MBR. I thought by doing those things I was showing her I changed and was not vindictive. But she manipulated me, she knew that word would get her way!! I hate myself for being that way!!
M:42 XW:41 T:19 M: 15 D:13 S:10 BD: 8/10/18 Moved out: 8/18 Moved in: 9/18/18 Moved out: 4/22/19 D papers signed 11/4/19 D final 3/18/20
Thought you might enjoy this Wolf. May give insights as to why internal states change. Its because of opportunity, availability, circumstance and presence. https://youtu.be/-bRy8XlRTDQ
Hi IH. Thanks for checking in. Honestly I am stuck. My pain is still there and as strong as when it all started. I guess I am not someone who gets over this so quickly. I started to look for places to live. That was also depressing. I had this big beautiful home and now I have to go to something small and much further from my job. For me it’s the loss of everything. I lost my home, wife and only seeing my children part time. And all of this and I wanted none of it. For me it [censored] because some days I say to myself I just want to go home. But that is no longer for me. When I feel down I go to the gym, I go to friends homes or call them. But for me the pain is still there. I want to sob as not feel like this and I try to think about a great future for myself. That is will be with an amazing person. Honestly I’m scared of that too. Falling in love with someone and they do the same thing. I will be so worried all the time about what I am saying or doing, that is not living. There are moments I am happy but let me tell you it is brief moments.
How are you doing IH? What’s going on with you? Your situation sounds so similar.
M:42 XW:41 T:19 M: 15 D:13 S:10 BD: 8/10/18 Moved out: 8/18 Moved in: 9/18/18 Moved out: 4/22/19 D papers signed 11/4/19 D final 3/18/20
Hey wolf sorry to hear you feel stuck mate. It takes time and if it takes you a little longer that’s ok too because we’re all different. I feel that way sometimes too so you’re not alone. Time and patience.
Are you in ic? Got a really good friend you can vent about all your feelings?
Keep your chin up buddy
Me: early 40's XW: nearly 50 T: 15 M: 5 BD: Jan 19 S:10 SS: 22 SD: 24
I can totally relate to how you feel. I've experienced and am experiencing everything you described.
I was divorced from my first W and also lost my big house, my security, and my full-time relationship with my daughter. I lost everything. It took me a long time to heal. Rest assured, you will adapt to your reality. It's not want you want, but you will adjust. You will also find happiness again and even fall in love again. And when that happens, all the pain that you are suffering now, will fade into a distant memory.
One foot in front of the other, Wolf. Feel your feelings, admit your faults, forgive yourself, and have faith even though you can't fathom it right now, that life will be good for you once again.
