Thanks people. Really helps to get some of this out by posting.
The move went ok, I was pretty subdued to be fair but got on with it and was polite.
We stopped for a cigarette, she started talking about how now I had the flat, i could have the kids more, that maybe they would miss her, and not see her as the dominant one who had kicked their father out.
(Exactly what she did do)
She then brought up she knows my son messages me and didn't want secret messages going on about what she was doing e.g. her party the other night or me conspiring with him when he has had an argument with her.
I told her clearly that of course I message my son ,but she has nothing to worry about and that every time he has been upset or unfair with her I have either discussed it with her or challenged him on it.
She didn't seem satisfied but we left it at that.
While moving she started bringing up again how I could have the kids more, stated that she wanted to go out and see her friends on Sunday and could I watch them.
I was pretty tetchy to be honest and non commital, I said I had a class on Sunday and that I also had to confirm an online appointment.
She wasn't happy with this, I stated once I'm settled I would love to see the kids more.
She then said maybe I should have them for half the school term.
I said maybe, again pretty tetchy, my anger was getting the better of me , she knows me well enough to know that I'm not happy when I'm quiet.
Plan was that this flat was temporary until we sold the family home. Then we could co parent 50/50. She mentions know that she wants to put the house sale back until spring due to too much upheaval and even suggested buying me out.
I stated it's a lot to think about, once I'm settled we can discuss it.
Thanked her for the hand moving and she drove off.
I got the real sense she was looking for a fight about me not taking on a greater responsibility with the kids. Truth is I have jumped every time she's asked or needed me.
The source of my anger is A: how cold and set in stone she appears to be about this whole thing and B, her desire for me to see the kids more is purely to facilitate her new social life.
Sat here thinking maybe I should text her to apologise for being tetchy today something like: " hi , just wanted to say sorry for being tetchy earlier, it's been an emotional day for me, my course is ______time Sunday and my appointment is at _____pm"
Cripes! Now getting multiple texts asking questions about my appointment Sunday, and why can't I change it (because it means it's interfering with her plans)
I'm staying vague but politely not budging. Slightly concerned that she will take this as more evidence of "controlling behaviour"
I feel I am being obstructive, that I should maybe drop the rope and let her new exciting single life play out.
At the same time, I have jumped every time for her and facilitated her new life.
I don't know if it's petty or not but she should realise it's not all roses and there is a reality to face. Just concerned that she will find a way to make this about me obstructing or controlling her life.
Hi Jdevast, good job handling her badgering you during the move without budging or fighting.
I'd politely hold the line on Sunday and drop texting a bunch about it. Look at Augosto's thread for inspiration. You're not being controlling--telling her what to do. She can do whatever she wants. You set a boundary on what you will do and showing her you can stick to your boundaries once chosen is strength.
To be honest kinda feels like an ultimatum. May backfire.
Is it better to be close to kids and her or put the threat of serious distance and reality there.
It may well be better for me.
She has been self first and maybe I need to.
She keeps talking about the future, and possibilities of meeting someone new, she stated the other day she believes I would be happier, but it's a real small town.
Still kinda feels spiteful or one upmanship but at same time need her to know I'm not here to jump rope.
