Yeah to be honest I do, didn't to start with, but with shared business and kids I have been recently and definitely a temptation to jump when she does.
Voice mail is your friend.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Had a good Halloween with the kids. Wife seemed happy. She even teased me a bit with a joke about cleaning up with the kids.
This morning I'm in the family home alone packing my things ,trying to seperate our shared belongings. She's chosen to go out as she didn't want to be here.
I would like to think it's because it's emotional for her too. But she is showing no signs. Very matter of fact. " I don't mind what you take etc, not going to argue over anything, half of it is yours but you understand why I don't want to be here"
Part of me feels she just dosent want to face any of the reality, I have no idea whether she cares or not.
Not sure it matters as it's not like she is going to change her mind.
She will come back later to give me a lift.
How the he'll do i keep a Pma or make out this isn't bothering me , on the day I'm walking away from the home, my family and symbolically my wife?
I feel all of this just cements her moving forward having all reminders if me removed.
I’m here with you JD. It’s just so tempting to say angry things isn’t it. I’ve had that temptation so many times but I haven’t acted on it. You draw on that huge reservoir of willpower you have in you jd. In moments of weakness pain and anger I repeat the word ‘calm’ over and over again whilst breathing- 4 seconds inhalation then 5 seconds exhaling. Try it for me please. You got this buddy!
Me: early 40's XW: nearly 50 T: 15 M: 5 BD: Jan 19 S:10 SS: 22 SD: 24
It is my opinion that they do not show sadness in public because that will put into question their decision and they don't want someone trying to talk them out of it. Also knowing that your are there as plan b is comforting to them in case it doesn't work out. Remember that how they feel now is how they think they are always going to feel. Just as they believe that you are always going to feel the way you do now. We both obviously know that feelings change.
Had a good Halloween with the kids. Wife seemed happy. She even teased me a bit with a joke about cleaning up with the kids.
This morning I'm in the family home alone packing my things ,trying to seperate our shared belongings. She's chosen to go out as she didn't want to be here.
I would like to think it's because it's emotional for her too. But she is showing no signs. Very matter of fact. " I don't mind what you take etc, not going to argue over anything, half of it is yours but you understand why I don't want to be here"
Part of me feels she just dosent want to face any of the reality, I have no idea whether she cares or not.
Not sure it matters as it's not like she is going to change her mind.
She will come back later to give me a lift.
How the he'll do i keep a Pma or make out this isn't bothering me , on the day I'm walking away from the home, my family and symbolically my wife?
I feel all of this just cements her moving forward having all reminders if me removed.
I will be in the same exact boat tonight and tomorrow moving. Yesterday XW and I went out with S2 to to go trick-or-treating and we had a good time I was upbeat positive and happy. She was kind of run-down from work and you could tell she was in a funk. Last night I had to stomach XW passing off S2 to brother-in-law and changing him and given him his bottle and putting him to bed. Almost as if I was being replaced and he was in training in taking care of him since I'm leaving the home tomorrow for good. I didn't let it phase me. But I sucked it up and still remained positive Jdevast. The honest to God truth is. THEY DONT CARE! Their love has gone cold for us in a romantic and marital sense. The only reason why they won't be in the house is not because of emotional reasons but because they want to give you your space and not get in your way, or deal with any potential emotions you may emit, or pleas or behaviors for last chances since they are done. I think a part of them feels guilty for what they're doing but they still feel justified and don't have any intention of looking back. Being moody spiteful resentful needy and insecure only cements that justification. It's a victim mindset of "see what you are doing to me?" Trust me I know a lot about this going to stop doing it for the rest of my life. I know you are probably angry and it feel like you are losing a lot based on someone else's decisions. But let me ask you something? See? There is how we are, how we think, and how we feel. And that's ok to have all of that.. But there is also how we present ourselves to other people and how they perceive that. We have to be aware of that. Would you just walk into work one morning and lash out at your co-workers because you were having a bad day and would it be right? Showing that resentment and holding on to it how is that serving you or benefiting your interactions with XW?? It's just going to make you more topsy-turvy and cement their position further that they are making the right choice. At this point in the game. Any positive or negative influences are going to have any effect on them anyway. so you might as well change your mindset and make it a positive one for you and learning how to control your emotions deal with them internally but yet still present yourself in a good fashion. Here is another weird way to try and look at it? Maybe moving and staying focused on getting your life settled can make you happy, and cut yourself off from The Source on the pain that you're feeling about the situation that you are in, or was in. something else to keep in mind for balance too. They are hurting whether they showed it or not. just because they act cold doesn't mean they don't have personal conflicts within themselves going on over all this. They just basically shut down the vulnerability factor., I'm willing to bet that make you keep a positive frame and act happy while you're moving is going to raise some questions from her. Directly or indirectly. It's kind of like this you almost have to convince them by exhibiting good behavior that they are the problem and not you. That they are the one making poor choices and not you. that you are secure in yourself and under emotional control no matter what and you'll be fine no matter what. Sadly it's taking me a year of In-House separation to learn this because I've always been a very emotionally reactive to every little thing. I've lost a spouse. But I've learned a lot and gained a lot more control over mysrkf. Hope this helps. I'm here for you for support if you need it. We all are.
J, very sorry you're struggling, but it's to be expected! Of course you're down, having to move your stuff is a real gut-punch that it's all real and not going away anytime soon. It's OK to be down and depressed, allow yourself that.
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I would like to think it's because it's emotional for her too. But she is showing no signs.
WAS's are masters of acting "as if". She absolutely is struggling, she just keeps it all deep within.
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Part of me feels she just dosent want to face any of the reality, I have no idea whether she cares or not.
Not sure it matters as it's not like she is going to change her mind.
Yes she cares, no she's not going to change her mind anytime soon. It may happen later, but not right now. These things have to run their course.
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How the he'll do i keep a Pma or make out this isn't bothering me , on the day I'm walking away from the home, my family and symbolically my wife?
Sometimes you just can't. It all sounds good on paper acting like you are fine and happy moving on, but in reality you can't mask your real feelings from someone who knows you so well. Just be you. Try not to have a mental breakdown in front of her, but she knows you're sad and you're not going to be able to completely conceal that fact.
I wouldn't try to act happy if you're not. Maybe make "neutral" your goal. Try to think of it like you are doing something at work, you may not like it but it's your job so you do it in a neutral manner without complaining or crying or such. Make sense?
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Should something be said about how I didn't want this.
Definitely not.
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Not going to reply immediately, but what do i say " fine thanks, nearly done" perhaps?
