It really bothers me when people tell me its over or give me that "look". Negative or so called "realists" think they are doing me a favor by making sure I don't get my hopes up.
One of WAH's complaints about me was my negativity and now I think omg this is how I made other people feel (I am working on this). I'm deeply ashamed to say I told someone who's family member had cancer that they only had a 20% chance of surviving 5 years. This family member made it 10 years and died of a heart attack. I'd like to say this was an isolated event but sadly its not.
It really bothers me when people tell me its over or give me that "look". Negative or so called "realists" think they are doing me a favor by making sure I don't get my hopes up.
DB helps here too - let other people have their own opinions and advice and viewpoints. You can't change how other people think or what they say.
You have the power to decide how to react emotionally.
DB helps here too - let other people have their own opinions and advice and viewpoints. You can't change how other people think or what they say.
You have the power to decide how to react emotionally.
DB has helped me with this and so much more. I feel centered, more positive, open minded, etc.
It has also given me the power to decide who to talk to (in real life). I'm distancing myself from people who make me feel bad. I'm negative enough as it is why would I add to it??
I was reading another thread and the words "false hope" were tossed out there. False hope means ZERO chances so unless your spouse dies there is always hope.
I started out refusing the face the reality of my situation. We are close to retirement, he won't leave the kids, we've been together for 30 years, etc. I was upset yes but still confident that I'd have a successful outcome. This was pure optimism considering he'd already moved out. I was delusional.
Reality hit when he cancelled the lease. I'm now not pessimistic but I'm not optimistic either. Bottom line = the outcome has yet to be determined (by either party).
Hope is the bridge between pessimism and optimism balanced by realism. This is why I think it takes many people 1-2 years to give up hope. It takes this long to see how the story ends or you're ready to end it.
I don't get many replies but people do lurk and writing all this helps me too.
Hope for the best prepare for the worse. This is an active process. I'm working on becoming the best version of myself but I have an attorney. I hate how I got here but I like who I've become. If he comes back I'll be strong enough to weather a rough reconciliation and if he doesn't I'll be strong enough to cope on my own. I'm preparing for either outcome.
Well WAH saw my house today. Did some repairs with S19 and wants to do more. I’d like to think it’s a good sign or at least something positive. I’m aware I’m looking at years if ever so I’m grounded. Im just saying it’s better than when he ignored my call when my car had an issue right?
He’s coming back here tomorrow to fix things. This isn’t weird at all. It’s perfectly normal to get dumped and have him in my house, fixing things after he forced me to move. We aren’t friends. We don’t co parent. We are 100% no contact and that isn’t changing anytime soon. D17 said she didn’t care what he did as long as he was gone by the time she got home.
Well WAH saw my house today. Did some repairs with S19 and wants to do more. I’d like to think it’s a good sign or at least something positive. I’m aware I’m looking at years if ever so I’m grounded. Im just saying it’s better than when he ignored my call when my car had an issue right?
Yes, definitely an improvement. Michele calls them "baby steps" and typically the road to recon is a whole lot of baby steps rather than one big jump.
I am the main reason why WAH left. Told him I understood and that I wouldn't fight him. He wanted to D immediately and I accepted that. I got better, a lot better once I got on the right combination of medication. I feel normal and I've been symptom free for 7 months (anxiety/depression). My kids, including our autistic son who couldn't lie if his life depended on it told him I'm doing good. He also tells WAH when I do bad as well (still working on my negativity, GAL, detaching, etc.)
He was all set to file but he stopped. A week later he told me the only reason he'd consider reconciling was because I was symptom free but that he needed time. He was angry (I get this). Once he said he was "done" but I acknowledged what I'd done wrong and worked to correct the behavior. He went back to being nice and said he was "confused". I did not beg. Instead I went completely dark (3 months now). I figured my only shot was LRT. Give him time to heal and time to fix me.
I'm probably delusional but this doesn't feel permanent (I'm okay if it is). I'm respecting his decision, I continue to cooperate, he's being somewhat nice (from afar), I'm letting him call the shots (this is hard but as long as he's being reasonable I'm letting it slide), I'm assuming I'll know when it's time to push for a D right?
I've kind of accepted my fate so to speak. Not in a bad way but in an accountability way. I have these moments of sadness over the loss but I can handle them now. I feel calm. Does this sound like I'm doing the right things?
