Running out of time ... one month left!

[Augusto]

Well she came back, kids got out of the car and she stayed in the car crying while locking herself in for few minutes. Once inside I told her "Hey I was taking a shower when you knocked on the door" and she didn't try to fight or anything.

I don't know what's wrong with her from yesterday to today. Nothing I can do about it ...

[Ready2Change]

I don't know what's wrong with her from yesterday to today. Nothing I can do about it ...

Wrong.

Listen and understand how she is FEELING. Do not offer advice. Do not tell her everything will be OK.

Validate.

Keep your emotions out. Be neutral. Just listen to her story. It does not mean it is true. Do not argue. Listen to every word like you need to type it here exactly.

[Augusto]

True, and I want to do that, but she's not sharing how she feels now.

After I went out Friday night, on Saturday morning she opened up about work without me asking and it was all well. She complimented me on my shirt as I got went out again for the day.

Yesterday she cried twice and was a bit more distant, today the same and cried when she got home.

I made the mistake of asking her how her situation at work was going, what she shared on Saturday, and she responded "I don't want to talk about that now".

Trying to find out why she's crying and how she feels at this moment seems almost impossible, specially if I don't ask her directly about it.

[Traveler]

True, and I want to do that, but she's not sharing how she feels now.

Trying to find out why she's crying and how she feels at this moment seems almost impossible, specially if I don't ask her directly about it.

Hi Augosto, I believe she did begin to share her feelings with you tonight:

W: Beyond disrespectful of you to have me knock as your door and you don't answer.

It’s not a FACT that you disrespected her by not opening the front door, it’s how she FELT about the situation. That’s why I encouraged, “Oh no! You felt ignored and like I didn’t respect you when I didn’t open the door?” When we listen, understand, and validate their feelings (there may have been more, e.g., perhaps in the past she had her own key) connection increases. Beyond that, others are then often more receptive to listening to our perspectives, and in my limited experience, may even apologize for jumping to faulty conclusions. Just food for thought next time! It’s s tough journey and tomorrow is a new day. Good luck.

[Augusto]

Good point. It wasn't the front door, I didn't open the door to the master bedroom (where I sleep). I think she wanted to ask me if I could pick up one of the kids (which I had offered earlier). Instead she left and did it herself. But those are details, I think your point still stands.

When she came back she didn't bring it up again, she didn't dispute what I said, but it could be because she was done complaining about it. I'm more worried about her crying, between today and yesterday I've spotted her crying or get teary eyed at least 3 times. She's suffering, but I'm not sure exactly why, I can only speculate and I don't want to.

[NewLife3]

I'm more worried about her crying, between today and yesterday I've spotted her crying or get teary eyed at least 3 times. She's suffering, but I'm not sure exactly why, I can only speculate and I don't want to.

Daycare director stopped me tonight and told me that my wife always looks like she's either on the verge of tears, just done crying, or actively crying any time she sees her. Claims she even saw her in a retail store recently and basically avoided her because it looked like she was just aimlessly walking around the store with tears in her eyes.

BD'ed 8/21, She moved out 9/23... We are swapping S4 every Sunday at 1PM. I am complete NC except for child-related issues. When I see her to swap our son, she acts as if she's about to burst into tears at any given moment and won't give more than one word mumbled responses. Sad to see. Almost like watching a bad train-wreck inside of a snow globe that I can't interact with.

[Augusto]

One of the girls mentioned that on the way home my W was talking on the phone about a work situation, so could be the crying last night was about that. It's probably the thing she shared with me on Saturday, but again last night she didn't want to talk about it. Some situation with a complaint from HR to her and her boss, wonder what happened.

I'm feeling particularly down today, I have not been able to work and I'm too focused on her. Feels like a regression. I've been waking up early but this morning I was too slow. She complained about a few things; that the kids were fighting in the morning and I wasn't on top of it, and that she had to put the milk in the fridge I bought last night ... my daughter that got the groceries down didn't put it in.

Only communication today via text has been her updating me about a car insurance claim, from the accident last week. I still struggle with the business-like communication she keeps doing with me. She inserts a "Hello, and good morning" now in those texts, but it seems so robot like.

[Augusto]

Just got this text;

W; “I was talking to you and you kept on walking out of the house. I was asking you if you are ok with leaving D18 watching the kids for 1-2 hours while you return from your trip. Is only a yes or no answer”

ME: “Oh you felt ignored when I walked out to pick D15 up. I rather be here so I’ll try to come earlier so you can prepare for your trip. Wasn’t clear”

Am I doing this right?

I was in a rush to pick my daughter up, basically W wants to leave earlier to get ready for her NYC trip ...

[Augusto]

I ended up cancelling my trip to the office, not worth the headache and complication. When I told her that she said "You don't have to do that" but I insisted. Hopefully not seeing as caving ...

[Ready2Change]

Communication is almost always confusing. I focus on clarifying and reducing confusion.

Personally, I believe you should have engaged W with full eye contact and focused on listening. If that was not possible, A quick "I am running late. text me. bye"


Here is another option:

H"Sorry, Sounds like you felt ignored. I was running late to pick up D. I will be home by X:XX."

or

H"No. I will be home by X:XX"

or

H:"yes" (Any reason you should not trust D18 to watch the younger kids?? Your wife trusts her)