Just had sex with WAS

[kbuenob]

Right now, I highly recommend against it. Resist your urge to go to the cat to pet it.

A better tactic is to turn her on. Be catnip.

Agreed. I keep having to remind myself of the cat analogy!

[Ready2Change]

Read this thread frequently:
https://www.divorcebusting.com/foru...ain=47467&Number=2057224#Post2057224

[kbuenob]

I think it is important to determine what you are dealing with. This is a good read:
https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2653328#Post2653328

Thank you, yes indeed a good read.

I'm not sure that my W is WW. She doesn't disrespect me in front of our son, or act disrespectful ie eye rolling, etc. She is actually quite cordial and nice while we're at home. She's still doing her share of the housework/cooking and is in constant contact with her mom and sister. So im not sure to categorize her as a WW, WAS, MLC etc. I'm leaning towards MLC. These are some things that have taken place since the BD this past August. I'm not 100% sure of an A, but I do suspect it.

- ILYBNILWY
- went out a handful of times and returned home very late (5-5:30am) without sharing her whereabouts
- Stopped wearing her ring
- Glued to her phone, quite secretive about it
- A tapering off of affection. After the BD, we would still hug and kiss goodnight, but i think she was doing that because she felt bad for me
- taking on more work
- Pretty much roommates with a kid together at this point (that has sex when she feels like it I guess lol)

Does it matter the category? I do like the tough love approach but am afraid that it might not work if she is not WW

[Ready2Change]

Does it matter the category?

Absolutely. I would deal with a cheater way different than someone who just lost attraction. I believe there is a lot of overlap, but dealing with infidelity requires different tactics.

[Ready2Change]

I'm not 100% sure of an A, but I do suspect it.

If there is, and you get proof, the way you respond is extremely important.

You should really understand the differences in how "Allen A" and "Robx" and "PuppyDogTails" and Coach busted their divorces. Allen A was way more "protective" of his relationship. These guys along with Sandi2 are very wise.

[kbuenob]

I just don't know how to go about finding out the truth. I'm undecided about surveillance etc because, idk that just seems wrong to me. I wish I could tap into her cell phone but theres just no way to do that. I feel stuck.

I know that if the truth did come out that she IS having an affair, it would make it so much easier for me to let go of her...

[LH19]

Based on what you wrote there is a 99% chance she is having at least an EA.

[kbuenob]

Based on what you wrote there is a 99% chance she is having at least an EA.

agree

[kbuenob]

How messed up would it be if I just grabbed her phone from her while she was on it? That would be the only way for me to find out for sure (I think)

[LH19]

Nah don’t give her the satisfaction. It will come out eventually anyway. Detach, GAL and work on your 180s.