In house does make it a little different, but I believe the goal is to get equal 50/50 splits. Lawyers are expensive.
One parent gets Thanksgiving this year, the other gets Xmas. Flips next year.
My X always has Xmas Eve. I always have xmas day. Kids show up at 9. They open presents at my house. We have the meal. Santa presents are easy to put out because they are with mom.
Local relatives make it easy for me to split holidays. If you or her want to travel during holidays, then full holidays might be an option for you.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I'm looking at some volunteer opportunities for Thanksgiving day. It's actually kind of exciting, I'm going to miss my kids at dinner but if I could do something meaningful that day it would help a lot alleviate what I expect to be a day full of sadness ... or thankfulness.
So I take D13 to church for her youth group, W text me this little gem;
Quote
"As you attend church so often now and are finding this new found and deeper spiritual life, I pray that your word always match your actions. I will continue to be the best mom I can be for our kids and I will continue to treat you with respect."
Context - W knows we have both been very spiritual, we met at Church and were youth leaders, I even wanted to be a priest, so this is a bit ironic.
I answered all wrong, I went into a long response about forgiveness and the moral/spiritual dimension of what is happening to us. I should have just shut up, but I felt that by bringing up my faith she opened the door to that discussion.
Anyways, I don't know what she meant by "word match actions". She did say later that she will continue with the D even though I'm delaying. As she was leaving (more on that later) I asked what she meant, because I'm not delaying anything. Looks like she's frustrated with my lawyer not being fast on responding, and filing stuff. I told her I have nothing to do with that, and that I haven't told my lawyer to delay anything.
I told her how this process is so horrible, lawyers, separating kids on holidays, etc. ... she just said "yeah, it's called a DIVORCE".
She says she's happy I'm doing better, improving spiritually, but that she doesn't need to be a part of it and that we don't need to be married. In the end she left screaming at me. Very frustrating night.
So she's off to her NYC trip. Initially she told me she'd be back Sunday, now I find out she's back Monday and didn't even give me a time "sometime in the afternoon, my friend hasn't given me details". She has family in NYC and I asked her if she was going to visit them, she said she doesn't know because she's not even sure what part of NYC she'll be staying at. The whole trip is so weird, but I don't to think about it or obsess about whatever she's doing over there.
Few minutes later she calls me because D13 was missing her new water bottle. She talked to me normally, like nothing had happened before. The way she left I was surprised she called and even sounded normal. Then texted me a bunch of info about things the girls have to do.
Thanks Ready, yeah I've been beating myself up for not validating and letting myself fall into that trap. It was just odd, she almost never sends a text like that and it caught me completely off guard. I saw it as an "opening", oh she's talking about our R in a way, let me see ... and I need to stop thinking like that.
People that still talk to her and me tell me she's struggling, not feeling good. Just talked to somebody today and she's sick and doesn't want the kids (or I I guess) to know about it. Says she went to urgent care, one day while at work. All I know is that last week she was under a lot of stress, and one day she slept as soon as she got home.
I'm not crazy about this "NYC trip", I can't even really tell if she's really there. She told the kids about it, but it seems like she hasn't told a lot of our friends. I didn't complain about it, but I wouldn't be surprised she expected me to voice my opinion on it ... just not going to do it. I wished her well and a good time.
I think the D is completely unavoidable, I don't see her changing her mind anytime soon. She's been very clear about that. I still think my best opportunity might be after, but I don't see how that's going to happen. I have a meeting with my L tomorrow, so we'll see how that's panning out.
Today she's sent some cordial text about the kids, etc. so at least things seem to have cooled off for the time.
Lots of texts from W, related to kids. She sent some hearts and kisses via text so I could show D5. Oldest one needed help with something and she constantly kept texting "please help her", "please help her". Resolved all issues.
She texted something about driving kids back and forth and put in a little thing to remind me this is what she's done all along, how's this for a validating response?
W: "I know how hard it is to juggle the kid's schedule. It's ben my life. Thank you again for taking care of D18's issue and getting D15 now"
H: "I understand it much better now"
Trying to get the hang of this ...
Most of the other texts are not opportunities for validation since they're more about coordinating stuff of course.
