Midlife wife crisis11

[Ready2Change]

I have a question. My stbxw text me this morning that my d was not behaving and that she lost her cell phone for the day. Today is my day with the kids. I wanted to do something nice with my d since my stbxw is taking my s to see the globetrotters. I have a feeling she will day to me that I am rewarding my d for bad behavior. But her behavior wasn’t with me and then I am the one who is suppose enforce the punishment. Please advise.

H:"W, I think it is best if you enforce your discipline with D during your time with her. I will do the same. Thanks for understanding, H"

[Wolfman]

Well today is the day I sign the divorce papers. I am truly falling apart. I can’t believe she is truly going through with this. I just want my family back. I’m trying to stay strong but I am so broken by this. Any comments would be greatly appreciated at this time. Thanks

[Thornton]

Hey Wolf,

We all can all remember the day when we signed those papers. If you really think about it, it's just a piece of paper. It changes nothing in regards to DBing. I've seen many couples actually get divorced only to remarry later.

Your W thinks that by signing the papers, her life is going to change and get better. The fact is, she's still W and you are still Wolf. Nothing has really changed in regards to your relationship. You are both still parents to your kids etc.

Take a deep breath and realize that your story isn't over. It's over when you decide it's over.

Keep DBing, you're gonna be ok.

[NewLife3]

Well today is the day I sign the divorce papers. I am truly falling apart. I can’t believe she is truly going through with this. I just want my family back. I’m trying to stay strong but I am so broken by this. Any comments would be greatly appreciated at this time. Thanks

I was there a few weeks ago. I would say the day she BD'ed me and the day I signed the papers and sent them off were the two most emotional days that I've had during this entire process that began on 8/21. I found that going ahead and allowing the emotions to consume me and crying helped me tremendously. It was my final mourning of the old M. We may have a new M in the future or we may not, no one knows what the future holds.

Like everyone will tell you, it is just a piece of paper filed at the courthouse. It has nothing to do with your R, you can have a nonexistent R and still be married or you can have a great R that is on the way to being reconciled without being married.

One thing the people closest to me have to constantly remind me is that I do not have to make a decision right now to ever have an R again with her or not. I get stuck vacillating between "would I take her back?" or "would I not take her back?" There is no use expending any energy to make that decision in my mind right now, just stick to DB'ing and becoming the best man or person that you can be and it will all fall into place in the end.

I constantly wish I could just shake her and wake her up and get her to come back to the M and drop her toxic affair. Then I remember to just step back. Control what I can control -- myself.

Living well is the best revenge, and the only way I will achieve that is by moving on and building the best life for myself and my son. I feel a little freer every single day when I realize how much of my happiness I was allowing my W to be responsible for. While this has been the most painful journey I have ever been on, I am still thankful that I am having to suffer through it because I am growing so much as an individual and father that I never would have had we stuck around in our old M.

I take solace in knowing that now that I am no longer in my W's life, she must go through this journey on her own without blaming me for the final outcome. The final outcome will either be her realizing her failures and faults as a human and deciding to build a new R with me or not. The ball almost becomes completely in their court once you go NC outside of child-related contact.

[Ready2Change]

Well today is the day I sign the divorce papers. I am truly falling apart. I can’t believe she is truly going through with this. I just want my family back. I’m trying to stay strong but I am so broken by this. Any comments would be greatly appreciated at this time. Thanks

HI buddy,

I know how much this skucs. It has been 10 years for me. I will never understand my X, even with all I know about relationship dynamics. Believe me, we can't change other people.

Take today one minute at a time. Make time alone to cry. Let all the tears flow. Feel the pain. Same with the anger. Feel the anger.

HUGS

[ovrrnbw]

Just wanted to offer my support Wolfman. Everyone here is hurting, sometimes very badly, and having been through a lot of pain myself I realized something: You are stronger than you feel right now. You are a worthy and valuable person. There is a bright future ahead.

You'll make it through today and be better for it.

[Wolfman]

So we signed the d paperwork Monday. So it’s all done. One thing shaking that day, besides me crying all day and night, not in front of her. When I walked into the conference room she was sitting at one wide of the long table. So I sat on the other side of it. When I sat down away from her, she actually had the nerve to ask me what’s my problem? I said my problem is we are here to get divorced. What did she expect me to do? Skip in and give her a high five?? So that’s it. It takes 6-9 months for it to be done by the courts and it will be official. I know that I did not DB very well, but honestly this “train” was heading in one direction and thee was nothing I could do to stop it. I feel a lot of emotions right now, sad, anger, lost, frustrated and confused.

[Augusto]

Praying for you. That's going to be me very soon, and I'm not looking forward to it at all. I don't understand the lack of empathy spouses seeking divorce have. I mean, it's one thing that you want to break apart a commitment, a family, but why do you have to be a jerk about it?

My W the other day told me I was being "salty" about the D. "SALTY".

And then, if I show any emotion towards it, then she'll say I'm trying to manipulate the situation. It's incredible.

[Ready2Change]

Just remember, nothing is set in stone.


We are here for you. Let us know how we can help.

[Wolfman]

Praying for you. That's going to be me very soon, and I'm not looking forward to it at all. I don't understand the lack of empathy spouses seeking divorce have. I mean, it's one thing that you want to break apart a commitment, a family, but why do you have to be a jerk about it?

My W the other day told me I was being "salty" about the D. "SALTY".

And then, if I show any emotion towards it, then she'll say I'm trying to manipulate the situation. It's incredible.

I don’t get it. I said it before, if I was a total jerk, cheating, drugs, abusive, alcohol I would say I deserve it. But because I didn’t kiss her hello all the time or kiss her goodnight, this is why we got d. I get them with those things maybe she did t feel loved. Ok then let’s talk about it and fix it. To me those are easy fixes. Augusto I am sorry you will be going through it too. It was the worse day of my life. And for her, no problem. She has some nerve saying you are being salty. What we are suppose to be happy about breaking apart our family!!? That just goes to show how gone they are. I’m praying for you!!!

Just remember, nothing is set in stone.

We are here for you. Let us know how we can help.

Thank you. I know nothing is set in stone. But for the mere fact that she never swayed away from d to me means she is never coming back. Even if one day she realized she made a mistake she would never admit it. Her pride is the ruination of her.

Honestly I feel Ike there is nothing for me to talk about. It’s a done deal. Now it’s times for me to pick up the million pieces and try and put it back together. It’s sad today I was just thinking, I just want to go home and crawl into my bed with her. But I have a better chance of hitting the lotto. I will try to help others not make the same mistakes I made. I feel like i should have been a dirtbag and been intimate with a lot of women the. This would be justified and would say I deserve this.