I'd been thinking about parenting plans a lot this week. It's really early days but should i not know who is watching my kids. Or at least be sure contact numbers are exchanged.
It seems reasonable but yes in hindsight I'm sure she sees it that way
Now if I speak to my kids at all this evening, I'll be snooping.
I'd been thinking about parenting plans a lot this week. It's really early days but should i not know who is watching my kids. Or at least be sure contact numbers are exchanged.
It seems reasonable but yes in hindsight I'm sure she sees it that way
Now if I speak to my kids at all this evening, I'll be snooping.
Are you sure? Because I detect you are trying to convince yourself of this.
Instead of:
"I then asked if she could let me know who was sitting the kids tonight and could we make sure everyone had everyone else's numbers ( I was originally supposed to be watching them until latest walls up)."
What if you had done this:
"Hey "Jdevast's WAS", I was just thinking it would be a good idea if you made sure any sitters you use also have my number, in case of emergencies. Please leave it written down for them. Thanks!"
See the difference. I am not sure you are capable of being subjective here, but I think if you were really honest with yourself you'd admit that you want to know who was "watching" your kid's in case it was an OM. I know because I would in your shoes. The problem is that it is outside of your realm of control and influence. All you can do is hope that the mother of your children makes good decisions for them while they are in her care.
Last edited by Steve85; 11/06/1905:37 PM.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I then asked if she could let me know who was sitting the kids tonight
I feel it was the right thing to ask as their dad,
It's really early days but should i not know who is watching my kids.
Hi JDevast,
You probably should trust that she's competent enough to select a reasonably safe person to watch your kids for a few hours. Neither my ex-wife nor I have ever questioned the details of each other's sitters. If you lack that trust for some reason--which would be odd since you share a business--some recourses include Right of First Refusal and offering to watch the kids when she needs you to so she doesn't have to hire a sitter. My ex-wife and I get along well enough that I've shared sitter networks with her--upon her request.
Argh! I hadn't thought of it like that, I did want to know, maybe i am suspicious but hadn't considered another man watching my kids.
I don't think she would do that, and deep down I do trust her decisions with the kid's.
Time for her to go out has come and gone without response, so I guess I really put my foot in it. It's these things I have to be really careful of. Otherwise it's just the same old fear based me.
So is it best not to mention it again? Not sure I can rectify this.
So is it best not to mention it again? Not sure I can rectify this.
She isn't going to divorce you (or reconcile with you) over this one comment! Don't beat yourself up.
Originally Posted by "JDevast"
Now if I speak to my kids at all this evening, I'll be snooping.
Did you call your kids Monday, Tuesday? You could use your past routine to guide you as to whether you're calling them to get a little nightly contact in or you're calling them to snoop.
Argh! I hadn't thought of it like that, I did want to know, maybe i am suspicious but hadn't considered another man watching my kids.
I don't think she would do that, and deep down I do trust her decisions with the kid's.
Time for her to go out has come and gone without response, so I guess I really put my foot in it. It's these things I have to be really careful of. Otherwise it's just the same old fear based me.
So is it best not to mention it again? Not sure I can rectify this.
Never mention it again.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I chose to schedule a time the evenings the children were not here to speak to them . If H chose differently and not to speak to them that was his choice the days he did not spend here . Try to set up the nights you do not have them a time to talk or a quick video . This not only was a benefit to the children but to me . They could speak to me . I knew they were safe and happy . H also would spend the day with them but go out until all hours in the night . I always knew who was watching them but he also knew not to cross the line with a sitter I didn’t know or trust . That’s always been our standard though . I may be the odd one here but I feel you should know who is caring for your children .
I used the phone call or video for the children . He learned very quickly when he would try to get on phone the purpose was to speak to them only . Usually he would get on after I spoke to them Or videoed and I would say have a good night then I would hang up .
I do think though some stiches are different in areas . My H didn’t go too hard with fighting over kids . Deep down he knew my family roots are deep . Also my families pockets compared to his .Financially he knew I would out last him and out lawyer him . He said once I know if I take you to court I will not get near anything I want .
If she brings it up use what steve85 posted . Just you would like sitter to have your number if need be . Leave it at that .
I will put out my input on parenting time . By the second night not being in my home my smaller child would ask to come home . Could never have gone a week on week off .
You asked about self improvement. Get dressed nice . Smell nice . Smile a lot . The more you smile and are kind the more it becomes part of you . Get up earlier and go to sleep earlier . Read others stiches. I learned a lot from just reading on here . The more I got out the better I slept .
I also had nightmares . I noticed if I drank they came on . I was only a once in awhile drinker but had some time on my hands out with friends .
Did you read about love languages ? H was clearly words of affirmation. Easy ! He took kids to do something . I said thank you I appreciate. It got to the point he started thanking me I think for just about anything . I think I may have even put in one of my posts about it .Positivity and happiness are contagious.
The most important thing you can do for yourself is not let her emotions run yours . It’s her rollercoaster . Do not get on .
Morning started with requests again for me to leave work materials in the studio porch again for her to pick up without having any contact.
My replies again were all positive and brief.
I then sent her a copy of the bus timetable for my son, for when he travels to school from mine next week.
Received a mail back stating that she will be taking him to school Monday, picking him up from mine and that she will be picking our daughter up from school next week as it's her first week at new school.
None of this had been discussed and was very directorial.
I messaged saying I would also like to pick her up the first week at new school, especially 1st day.
She responds: you will be dropping her off so it will be more balanced if I pick her up, I want as little contact with you as possible.
Me: I would still like to pick her up weeks she is with me, especially the first day. Maybe first day we can both be there. I understand you want as little contact with me as possible. If we can I'd like to get a parenting plan in place as soon as possible. I'm open and flexible, just feel we need some clarity going forward. We don't have to meet but I can send some examples over and let me know what you think.
Her:I will come to drop her off and pick her up first day.i was trying to support my daughter and feel she would want to see me. Don't use our children as pawns to try and control me. I know what you are doing!
Me: I'm sorry you feel that way, I also wanted to be there for her 1st week, and of course she wants to see you. It's a big change among lots of other changes. We can both be there for them and don't have to talk. Trying to do what is best for them. I wouldn't use them as pawns in all of this.
No response
This is really hard, I feel like she is dictating everything and every fumble I make in trying to discuss or assert myself comes across as controlling.
I'd like to contact her and say: I'm finding this all really difficult, I'd like us to co-parent positively and I feel at the moment you are driving everything and when I want to have any input it's coming across as controlling. I would like to move forward, I don't know what you think?
I feel I need to do something to build some sort of bridge and lessen the animosity?
