Just had sex with WAS

[Traveler]

Hi KBueno,

It's completely understandable you rushed the confrontation and didn't end things. This is common.

Strive to be uncommon. Hold-off on expressing your feelings just now. You haven't had enough time to process them. If she talks, it's okay to listen and validate. She may want you to respond emotionally--don't take the bait. It's okay for her to feel upset and express that, but enforce boundaries (e.g., walk away.. with your son, if-needed) if she goes heavy on yelling, name-calling, physical violence, etc.

She said her period is coming and has been feeling horny (sorry for i'm being too explicit). After about 2 seconds of some banter, we go at it. Needless to say it was amazing, and for that period of time I felt like I had my wife back. She was calling me babe, kissing passionately etc

Your concerns about her never having interest in men, or totally losing interest don't seem justified based on what you've shared. It's more likely she's bisexual. I have a close bisexual friend who prefers long, monogamous relationships. She's often misidentified as heterosexual or homosexual depending on her partner. Interestingly, she tends to switch genders each new relationship.

[Ready2Change]

Good advise:

Do NOT talk about your marriage with her right now... give her space to process you challenging her affair... Do NOT talk about your feelings right now. Do NOT talk to her right now about anything except your kids (if any)...Do not trust her.

[Ready2Change]

Do NOT believe they will stop communicating.
IGNORE what your wife is saying right now. she has an addiction
IGNORE your wife's THREATS
IGNORE your wife's TANTRUMS
Do NOT ARGUE with your wife right now... just sidestep it like you would sidestep arguing with a child... you don't argue with your kids, you set a boundary and END the convo.

This OM has been sneaking around with your WIFE, do NOT TRUST HIM...

Your wife is just throwing a fit because you ruined her FUN... do NOT cave... stand up for yourself and just hold fast... do NOT argue with her.. she will BAIT you into a fight... do NOT fight her...

[Ready2Change]

Marriage is about trust yes, but its ALSO about RESPECT.

a. Trust your wife to remain faithful.
b. Respect your husband enough not to socialize in secret with obnoxious alcoholics.

When B is ignored, you have to let A go to... sorry... its basic mathematics.

When respect to YOU goes out the window, TRUSTING her has to go out the window too...

This isn't the end of your marriage sir, but you have got to get on DAMAGE CONTROL -- NOW

[kbuenob]

Guys im really fighting the urge to do a couple of things:

- Let W family know about the affair. Im close with her dad and im afraid she's going to flip it and blame everything on me. And make me look like the bad guy. i'm pretty sure she has done that with my MIL and SIL. Pretty sure they hate me now. It's sad because I love my W family

- Let OW know that I've been intimate with my W. If my W loved the OW so much, why did she want to have S with me the other night?

I failed to mention that I attempted to call and texted the OW during the confrontation. That was probably a no-no.

[Ready2Change]

Thank you for the advice so far everyone.

I went ahead and moved most of her stuff in the other room. pretty sure she's going to flip

Stay calm. Show her that you can calmly handle her emotions. Let her emotions control her. You control your emotions.

[kbuenob]

Your concerns about her never having interest in men, or totally losing interest don't seem justified based on what you've shared. It's more likely she's bisexual. I have a close bisexual friend who prefers long, monogamous relationships. She's often misidentified as heterosexual or homosexual depending on her partner. Interestingly, she tends to switch genders each new relationship.

Thats my feeling as well. They started as friends, and they got closer and ended up starting the affair

[Ready2Change]

- Let W family know about the affair. Im close with her dad and im afraid she's going to flip it and blame everything on me. And make me look like the bad guy. i'm pretty sure she has done that with my MIL and SIL. Pretty sure they hate me now. It's sad because I love my W family

MWD advises against exposure. You really don't have time to do all the research to make the best decision in the area. There are good ways and bad ways to do this.

- Let OW know that I've been intimate with my W.

Again, there is a better way.


You should be in PROTECTION mode.

Protect yourself. Protect your son. Protect you family.

Emotional, financial, physical.....

[kbuenob]

Ok, thank you R2C

[Traveler]

Guys im really fighting the urge to do a couple of things:

If you decide to expose, do it a week from now when you've researched the pros/cons. Today your goal is to not lash our, argue, R talk, question, etc. You took one really big action already.