All 3 of us are at home this Sunday morning. The W is in the living room with our S, while I'm hanging out in the MBR. She's on her phone as always, laughing out loud, constantly receiving text messages no doubt from her lover. She seems so happy to be interacting with OW and not with me. It definitely hurts. Especially when I visualize all those text messages between them that I saw. I love you, I miss you, babe. Cant wait to cuddle with you etc. It hurts bad. She was my babe, and we made a commitment to each other. Now she's "loving" another woman.
How can they really love each other? Their relationship is built on lies and deceit. The OW is toxic and breaking up a family. How can my W love her? How can my W tell OW that she loves her when WE had sex just the other day? Is she really a lesbian now? I feel like my W is lost and don't know if she will ever find her way back.
I'm keeping a straight face, made breakfast earlier and started doing Sunday chores.
Still having trouble formulating a plan. It's hard for me to detach from her when I see her everyday. I'm still feeling like I haven't took any action yet. The only thing that I did so far was moving her stuff out to the guest room, only to have her move her stuff back to the MBR.
I have pictures of the text messages between my W and OW and can easily expose. In fact she went into my phone and deleted all of them although I have backups and since changed my password a few times.
Right now i'm concentrating on staying calm and relaxed in every interaction with my W. I have to admit though, I feel like i'm not doing anything and am allowing this A to happen right in front of my eyes. Is this what you all suggest? I went out with friends to GAL last night, I already go to the gym, practice martial arts, do pretty well at work, take good care of my S, do my fair share around the house, manage our finances. I already do a lot for our family.
HOW DO I STOP THE AFFAIR???
I can't be around my W and not feel extremely heartbroken. I've been trying to look at things objectively and at times I can do that without any emotions. But I melt when I see her.
I want to talk to her about moving out this house. Rent is quite expensive and I have been thinking about this even before the BD. I can use that as a potential way for us to separate- a clean slate. She can find a place to live and i can find my own. We can talk about splitting time with our son. I will be talking to a few lawyers soon and will ask about that as well.
What should I do guys? I can't detach from her while we're in the same house. It's just not possible for me. I love her too much and I melt when i see her. I need her out of site out of mind if I have any hope of letting her go for real.
Kb, you are feeling into the "I can't detach while we live together" trap. We've seen dozens of sitches here. Some with the couple cohabitating. Some with the couple physically separated. Many of those LBSs cohabitating say "I can't detach while in the same house". Ironically, a lot of the LBSs that are physically separated complain that they can't show their WAS their changes while separated.
So kb becareful what you wish for.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
How long until lease is up? You DB in the same house. She doesn't even want to move out of MBR. Why? (think hard about this one)
We're on a month-month. I can be out of here in 30 days. I sincerely believe that the only way for me to fully detach is for her to be out of site, out of mind. I melt every time I see or smell her and it kills me. I get nervous pulling up to the house because of all the negative energy in here. This is not good for my sanity, R2C
I don't know why she doesn't want to leave the MBR. I'm dumbfounded. She tells the OW that she loves her, but is ok with sleeping with me in the same bed? My W is lost and confused...just like I am right now...
Kb, you are feeling into the "I can't detach while we live together" trap. We've seen dozens of sitches here. Some with the couple cohabitating. Some with the couple physically separated. Many of those LBSs cohabitating say "I can't detach while in the same house". Ironically, a lot of the LBSs that are physically separated complain that they can't show their WAS their changes while separated.
So kb becareful what you wish for.
Good to hear form you Steve. But does my W care about my changes? She is having an A with another chick. In my mind, she doesn't give 2 sh*ts about my changes while she's busy "loving" this other woman.
So, should my plan be simply to "work on myself" while she's knee deep in this A?
This is all so complicated. I want my S10 to spend time with his mama too (50/50), but can't trust that she'll be able to afford a place on her own. Current place is expensive, and she definitely can't afford to live here solo. I feel stuck man.
How long until lease is up? You DB in the same house. She doesn't even want to move out of MBR. Why? (think hard about this one)
We're on a month-month. I can be out of here in 30 days. I sincerely believe that the only way for me to fully detach is for her to be out of site, out of mind. I melt every time I see or smell her and it kills me. I get nervous pulling up to the house because of all the negative energy in here. This is not good for my sanity, R2C
I don't know why she doesn't want to leave the MBR. I'm dumbfounded. She tells the OW that she loves her, but is ok with sleeping with me in the same bed? My W is lost and confused...just like I am right now...
From what I've observed on the board, it doesn't work like that. It's common for people, usually husbands, to say that they "can't" detach until after they are living separately . . . and then when that time comes, they still struggle to detach.
Detaching is hard work. It means learning to redirect your thoughts and control your emotions. There is no shortcut.
Me: 44 H: 44 Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10 Together/Married: 22 years H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16 H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
From what I've observed on the board, it doesn't work like that. It's common for people, usually husbands, to say that they "can't" detach until after they are living separately . . . and then when that time comes, they still struggle to detach.
Detaching is hard work. It means learning to redirect your thoughts and control your emotions. There is no shortcut.
Based on everyone's responses, I shouldn't move out in attempts to make detaching easier.
From what I've observed on the board, it doesn't work like that. It's common for people, usually husbands, to say that they "can't" detach until after they are living separately . . . and then when that time comes, they still struggle to detach.
Detaching is hard work. It means learning to redirect your thoughts and control your emotions. There is no shortcut.
Based on everyone's responses, I shouldn't move out in attempts to make detaching easier.
