It's been a week since I've confirmed my W affair with another woman. Since then I've contemplated so many things. Exposing her to her parents. Posting those horrible text messages on social media. Going down to the salon that they both work at and exposing them there. All of those thoughts came from a place of hate and revenge. Then I realized that in order for me to heal, I can't harbor these feelings inside of myself any longer. I have to reach a place of acceptance. This is real life. All of this REALLY happened and IS happening in front of me, and I have to accept that. That is the only way that I can find any kind of peace. Then I started to try and understand what happened. I know my W didn't set out for this. She didn't purposely try to hurt me, but she did and continues to do so.
Everyday since then has been the same. We see each other at home, spend time with our son and do all the parenting stuff. We don't really talk, if we do, I make sure that I'm fully engaged and she knows that I'm listening to her fully. We don't really argue either. Just living in the same house going through the motions. I don't remember the last time we've had any physical contact.
My W right now is in limerence with OW. They work with each other, so they are with each other everyday. Every moment she's at home, she is on her phone communicating with her. I don't ask questions. I give her space. I always occupy a different room than she's in. I've been pulling away and I feel as if she's relieved when I do that so she has more time to concentrate on OW.
If she truly wants to find happiness outside of our marriage, i'm ready to let her. Who am I to deny her that? That's what she is looking for.
That said, I'm trying to make a decision to not renew our lease come January, and plan on being out of there by 1 Feb. That way we each have some time to find separate places to live. I will propose a parenting plan for our son that we both can agree on. In my heart, I feel like this is the right thing to do for everybody.
I second that LovingIt. There will be days and times when you feel like you can't control yourself. You will be spiraling and you will feel hopeless. IT WILL PASS.
Originally Posted by kbuenob
If she truly wants to find happiness outside of our marriage, i'm ready to let her. Who am I to deny her that? That's what she is looking for.
Wow. I wish that I had your strength when I was in your position. Re-read this on your bad days to remind yourself that she has her own choices and you deserve someone that wants to choose you. Very mature thinking here.
LBW 32 - me WW 31 T 7 M 4 No Kids 4 dogs
Separated 1y Navigating the mine field and GAL with or without
Anything new KB? It’s been nearly a week since we’ve heard from you.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
