Yes 99% percent of the things people do on the board is because of fear and trying to stop the pain. It just so happens that these things are counterintuitive and usually make matters worse.
One thing that always frustrated me was that my WAW did not understand my POV at all. She still doesn’t. I’ve said point blank to her face (in front of the MC) things that she has apparently ignored. Either she knows but doesn’t care, or her own reality is so distorted that she discarded whatever I said and forgot about it.
The illusion is that your W cares about your opinions and feelings. Right now she doesn’t. That may change. But you can’t be the agent of change. It’s up to her.
