I'm probably yo-yo-ing between anger and depression.
Angry whenever I think about this F*ing situation.
Maybe depressed... just recognizing that past several days been having trouble waking up to alarm and getting out of bed in the morning for work. Not waking up at 5 am with anxiety like before, but just lower motivation and energy. Not sure if it's related to the colder fall / winter weather outside. Will try to do more physical activities to combat it.
Anyways, continue to work on myself. Hard to fill up weekdays with "fun" activities, so been trying to work out, read, declutter at home. Wrote a list of goals to help meet new people including cooking classes, volunteer opportunities, MeetUps, and AA - still researching but haven't done any of them yet.
As for WW... communication and text is less and less, and strictly about business now since anything else she says I don't respond. I do act pretty cold, so maybe I'm not DBing correctly and it's going worse, or she's deep in her EA and this is just the roller coaster progression.
Question for the vets...
Since I ran into WW at the club with OM... it's effectively the confrontation of the truth exposing her lies.
Should go ahead and remove all the clothes she left at the home from the MBR closet, and put it bags into another room / hallway or something to enforce my boundary?
Not sure if it's any useful at this point if she's already not living at home. She does come back to grab stuff here or there.
Couple side notes...
- She still paid her share of the shared bills as of this month, so I have to be mindful of her rights. Outside of MBR is still inside the home. - I used to get angry and toss her stuff, so I've been doing a 180 to not reinforce that childish behavior of mine, and let her see that the home is still a good place that she will miss.
Unfortunately in these situations things have to get worse before they get better. Don’t bother bagging p the clothes if she doesn’t live there anymore.
It’s interesting how you’re classifying it as an EA when they live together.
Unfortunately in these situations things have to get worse before they get better. Don’t bother bagging p the clothes if she doesn’t live there anymore.
It’s interesting how you’re classifying it as an EA when they live together.
Thanks for your input LH.
I use EA/PA/A interchangeably... I guess I was thinking "extramarital affair", but I suppose the board probably uses it as "emotional affair". I'll make a note of that in the future.
IIRC, "EMA" is the commonly-accepted board abbreviation for "Extra-Marital Affair".
Also, i could never bring myself to just use "A" for affair. Seems like too much opportunity to read in a confusing fashion. Ditto "R" for reconciling. Took me forever to realize that Steve85 was referring to "reconciling" when he typed "Ring" as opposed to having or wearing a wedding "ring".
H53/W51, R-ing 4/'18
"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires"-Sg.of Sg 2:7
"So oftentimes it happens,that we live our lives in chains, & we never even know we have the key"-Eagles III 1:3
WW texted me yesterday out of the blue asking if I talked to her parents about the sitch - her moving out, etc. I have not replied.
Her parents are aware of the affair from several months back upon discovery of text messages, but I have not updated them since it's escalated.
I can only assume her parents were asking about our sitch because I have zero contact with family for close to 2 months. I did not respond to a family group text and attend a family function this past weekend. And historically, I always prioritized and attended family functions.
Her dad sent me a text message to me alone today of a news article. Usually this would be a group text, so I assume they just wanted to reach out to see if I'm okay? Do I respond to him? My thinking is that I should politely reply because I don't want to go out of my way to alienate them.
Thanksgiving is coming up, and I have no plans to attend that, so it'll come up again for WW for sure.
Getting hit by a ton of bricks today... spiraling thoughts and anxiety, worse than normal.
Not sure if it's due to some physical withdrawal from the weekend of drinking and partying - I guess Monday's were always a little harder. Or if it's the reality setting in more.
Hung out with a friend who knows about the sitch, and he started being pushy about not putting up with sh*t and taking action with D to show consequences. I've heard to be careful with advice from people like that, he's never been married or even had a LTR relationship since his adult life (he's 40+).
Also, read a lot more threads on another website SI this weekend. The advice there is similar with GAL and 180, but a lot less do nothing than DB here, and more towards expose and file. They have a more grim attitude there towards WW and serials. Maybe that's the reality I need.
With Thanksgiving coming up, thoughts are creeping in that WW will invite OM to her family and introduce him, and she will make up some BS narrative about me, and everyone will accept him, and not see him as the low life that he is. This may just be my imagination.
Been also thinking about the D, and realizing that my fear is that I will be divorce raped, and left with little safety net in life after everything is split up. I suppose she has the same fears when you are dividing 2 people's life together, but she has more family support here and OM to fallback on. My guess is that this is also everyone else's fear.
Starting to put together a daily list of goals / tasks, so that I can keep focus and be productive every day. Never did this before...
With Thanksgiving coming up, thoughts are creeping in that WW will invite OM to her family and introduce him, and she will make up some BS narrative about me, and everyone will accept him, and not see him as the low life that he is. This may just be my imagination.
I have these same thoughts with my WW and her OM for the holidays coming up. Unfortunately, there is absolutely nothing you can do to control this. Just be the best man you can be. You know the truth. She knows the truth. She may be shoving the truth down right now to justify her affair (they all do), but time and perspective will always win in the end both for them to see him as the low-life he is and for whatever narrative she makes up about you.
I will say though that one thing I did on my own was that I told her mother that I wish there had been something we could have done to work/save our marriage other than her building a relationship with another man before bailing on me. I did this because her mother said that "our entire marriage was a lie" and I told her that is entirely false, we had some unhappiness right there at the end but she is slandering our marriage as all cheaters tend to do to justify their decisions. This probably does not follow any kind of DB principles, but it did seem to change her mother's perspective and tone with me and did make me feel better for her to know the truth.
Just understand why MWD cations people. Timing and delivery are critically import if you choose this route. Both routes have benefits and drawbacks. I believe PuppyDogTails explained the best balance.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
