1 Is there any benefit to me waiting till the lease is up to file?
2 is DBing in the beginning have really nothing to do with getting WAW back and just trying to get LBS head screwed on straight?
3 I’m I supposed to listen to her vent about her day, do things with her, go to her families together? Or just have very little to do with her?
4 Should filing be my first step?
5 if I file am I standing for my marriage or know. Because I’m confused on that. Acoording to the board. Should I be filing? Or should I be waiting? Seems like I’ve heard both.
Women are ATTRACTED to men with EMOTIONAL STRENGTH... strength in times of stress. Strong when all around them is crumbling.. THAT is the strength she will respond to.
Originally Posted by Coach
To get there you don't need to understand what your WAW is thinking but understand what she is feeling. Why your actions are making her feel the way she does. Confidence, poise, and self-control are actions you take as a man that make a woman feel attracted to you and safe in your presence. Doesn't mean you don't have fear but have the courage to handle it the right way. You have to be emotionally strong to lead like this.
Use what currently works, understand what doesn't work and why you keep doing it anyway, find a new behavior, try it and keep it if it works. This works for me -TEA. Thoughts proceed emotion and emotion proceeds action. Your woman needs to know her man can control his emotions to take the right action when needed. This is a primal instinct that is hardwired in us.
Stay thirsty my friends.
Cheers Coach
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Man after reading your last post it is clear you are all over the place. If you want us to help us you have to be completely honest with us. My hunch is you have read the saying over and over that "you have to let her go to get her back" so you are trying to convince yourself and us you let her go.
Now here is the part you are not going to like. You are probably looking at a minimum of two years before this plays itself out. Either A she realizes life with you wasn't so bad and she misses you or B you move on and find someone else. Zero shortcuts unfortunately no way around it.
So the best advice we give is to protect yourself emotionally and financially and that will also be what is best for your son.
I am really sorry that with everything you are going through you have to deal with this but unfortunately these are the cards you have been dealt.
LH Friend, when I type on these boards I tend to ramble. Like really bad. Lol. I need to do this on a computer instrad of a phone lol. What I’m about to say is the Gods honest truth. I believe in God so I would not say that lightly
1 I am totally ok getting D’d.
2 IF she had a total change of heart right now, I would have to think long and hard before I was willing to recommit. I have forgiven everything she has done and said. But I haven’t forgotten.
3 I’m ok being single and doing more self improvement and maturing as a healthy adult so when the time does come for my next R (regardless of who it is with), I will be the best version of me possible.
4 I still have much work to do on myself
5 I WANT her to be happy. Regardless of who it is with
6 I’m no longer sad about this. I just think I was because of the emotional night we had.
7 I want to proceed carefully so that any hypothetical chance at recon is not destroyed by some careless actions now (this does NOT mean I want to recon, just that I don’t want to ruin it if I can)
8 I’m genuinely confused about whether I should be filing for D or waiting. (Maybe I’m misunderstanding the word “standing”
9. I am not letting her go. I already have let her go
10 I wonder if we would have ever worked out anyways. We have some massive fundamental differences in thinking. (I believe in God, she is a devout atheist). She finds religion repulsive. I always see the good in people. She always sees the bad.
I’m just looking for guidance on how to proceed. As a healthy strong and good man. I want to do whatever is right
I would like to add that I genuine fear I do have. Is being alone forever. Would anyone want to sign up to date a guy who is battling cancer (probably terminal in the long run).
(I hope to beat it though)
I’m not getting doom and gloom Just wondering about the future out there
I would like to add that I genuine fear I do have. Is being alone forever. Would anyone want to sign up to date a guy who is battling cancer (probably terminal in the long run).
(I hope to beat it though)
I’m not getting doom and gloom Just wondering about the future out there
I don't think that's doom and gloom at all, far better to face it than pretend the risk isn't there because it may very well drive your decisions. Yes you absolutely would find people to date, I have no doubt. And yes, you could still have a meaningful relationship with someone even if your time is short. Don't cling to a hateful, unloving, disrespectful wife because you think you might not have a chance with anyone else.
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I wonder if we would have ever worked out anyways. We have some massive fundamental differences in thinking. (I believe in God, she is a devout atheist). She finds religion repulsive. I always see the good in people. She always sees the bad.
Wow, those are some pretty major roadblocks to a lasting R.
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I’m just looking for guidance on how to proceed. As a healthy strong and good man. I want to do whatever is right
You've done right by your M up to this point. Now it's time to start doing right by Oz! If you file for D and move out tomorrow then I think you could go to sleep at night knowing you gave it a bold effort. No shame.
I would like to add that I genuine fear I do have. Is being alone forever. Would anyone want to sign up to date a guy who is battling cancer (probably terminal in the long run).
Hi Ozman,
For casual dating, where you don't talk about cancer, your prognosis shouldn't matter. Many would be up for a night out at the movies, sipping Mai Tais on the beach, or dancing 'til dawn without asking or wanting to know your prognosis. Many casual daters are monogamous. They just don't want to deal with others' issues.
My partner has a neurodegenerative disease. In her support group, the number of people who are coupled or single isn't much different than anywhere else. As long as you're willing to extend as much support and understanding to a partner as you'd be asking to take, I hardly see your dating outlook as hopeless.
2 is DBing in the beginning have really nothing to do with getting WAW back and just trying to get LBS head screwed on straight?
Getting my head screwed on straight helped me retrieve my walkaway partner, but I agree mostly this site helped me learn to listen (even when it's hard), and cut down on rash, emotional decisions.
