Slow and Steady

[LH19]

J,

Come on man! Read your post.

Lots of weak behavior and pressure.

You don’t give a fuch if she sleeps here or doesn’t. You don’t give a fuch if she spends time with you or doesn’t.

[joejoe1]

Jac,

It seems like you were close to begging her to stay. Why keep asking her to stay after you tell her she couldn't stay over night. You sending her mix messages. Either it's not the right time or you really don't care if she stay, it can't be both and you can't make declarations and then back down.

You applied a lot of pressure for a person that didn't want her to stay overnight.

Onward and upward

[Jac12]

Damn...I didn't see it like that.

I thought I was setting some boundaries for myself (I don't want her staying over if she's in the other bedroom) and I didn't see that as weak behaviour. But at the same time I was open to hanging out with her after he went to bed. I guess I didn't want her thinking she could come and go as she pleases - and looking back if I just let it be we would have enjoyed a nice evening and woke up to look after our son...no big deal.

It's tricky navigating this part of the process...as LH said I need to a point where I don't give a fuch if she spends time with me or not.

[LH19]

J,

The really weak part is when you said staying there is bad for your mentality.

You have to be detached and let her come to you at her own pace.

Think of the cat. When a cat is curious he will slowly come up to you and sit on your lap. When you chase a cat it runs.

Look I know it’s not easy but you have a chance here.

[Jac12]

It's the truth though - it [censored] having her stay in the other room. We were doing that when this whole thing started and I don't want to do that again. It makes me feel like she's not interested in me and if that's the case I don't want her staying over period.

Then again, her even deciding to stay in our house and spending time with me is a step forward from where we've been.

When does it get easier....thanks LH, Joe

[LH19]

J,

She's not going to jump righ back in your bed and say take me. It doesn't work that way.

I think it was fine for her to stay in the guest room for one night while helping your son potty train. I agree that if she was moved back in that she shouldn't be in the guest room.

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get back in the game.

To answer your question. Some people think piecing is harder then going through a divorce so I don't think it will get easier anytime soon.

[Ready2Change]

Make her interested in you:

Primal Instinct of attraction for a woman:
A man that is confident, funny, charming, sexual, charismatic, masculine, unpredictable and socially intelligent.

Talking and displaying these traits. Her attraction is triggered by what he is saying and doing during the interaction. She is not thinking if she is attracted to him, she is feeling it.


Most guys don't know this. Do your research. Learn the pickup artist skills and apply them to your wife.

[joejoe1]

Jac,

I'm not saying you did anything wrong. And made a bad decision for her to not stay over night or asking her to stay after wards.

My point was your message was confusing. In one statement you telling her she couldn't stay in another one you asking her too stay to chill afterwards. If I was her I would feel confused.

It's doesn't get easier, you just become more knowledgeable, and better in control of self.

The faster you learn how to separate your emotions from you W reactions, the better you are able to deal with each interaction.

Onward and upward

[Jac12]

Thanks guys - I really appreciate the advice and help.

I need to keep these things in mind so I'm not acting on my own emotions.

[Jac12]

Hi All - I'm kind of feeling like my W is playing me. Maybe it's just the fear talking but I'm a little worried that she' being nice to me and opening up with me so that way I'm "nicer" in any divorce proceedings or legal separation we do.

We spent the weekend toilet training our son and we had a good time. She opened up about some things, had some cries, and I felt like we were connecting more than we have in the past few years.

Here's the thing: it "feels" very genuine but she has yet to say anything specific about her feelings towards me and us, except for apologizing for how she behaved last winter. Is this a red flag this early (her fog has been slowly lifting over the past couple of months)?

I just find myself fighting between trusting what I'm feeling vs. not trusting her motives. That sounds sad to say about someone you married...but it is what it is.

Any thoughts?

I also know I need to detach and GAL more than I'm currently doing...I read over Robx's old posts and I'm nowhere close to where he was mentally.