You aren’t giving HER money. You are giving your kids money. When you pay child support it’s based on a fair calculation. Do you ha e any doubt she isn’t using that money for the good of the kids? You act like everything is an attack on you and you are being sucked dry. These are your kids.
I understand putting heart into your home and not getting to live there. That’s difficult. But don’t carry around that bitterness. Make a new beautiful home for you and your kids.
You do know that years of vindictive behavior cannot be forgiven by apologizing at separation, right? It takes tome to show change. Where is the change? You still seem pretty vindictive .
And you like your new girl because she treats you like a king. It’s about you. How do you treat her? I still stand by you treating her unfairly by being with her because she treats you like a king while you have this attachment and bitterness towards your wife.
Settle yourself out first. Do the inner work. Give yourself tome and chance to get rid of the bitterness. And make sure you can that you wouldn’t dump your girl if your ex did what you wanted to. I know many hearts that have gotten broken that way and it just isn’t fair.
Looks like dating early got you into a lot of trouble. Also, looks like your still selfish and unwilling to put someone else’s needs first unless you’re getting something in return.
I have asked you many times how you’ve changed and what I got from you was your keep the kids activities on a calendar and you don’t get mad and argue anymore. We are now finding the latter to not be true so looks like with all the pain you went through you now know how to keep a calendar.
Maybe I shouldn’t have. But I know I will always have a love for my ex. I was with her for 20 years. But I also don’t know if I would jump right back with her. Do I miss my family,,, YES.
I miss my old life, it was nice and it was a huge part of who I was. I miss taking care of the kids, and getting ready for Santa, and getting them settled in to sleep at night, and going to football games to watch them in cheer and band, and helping them with homework, etc. etc. Here's the thing, I could remarry my XW but those things are not returning. My kids are grown now. I love them to pieces, and I love spending adult time with them. But my old life is gone and it will never return whether my XW ever wants to reconcile or not. I love my XW, but it's more like the love you have for a relative, not for a wife and lover. I love her but I wouldn't want to be married to her again. I think that's where a lot of LBS's end up. If you have kids then your life is destined to change in huge ways over time regardless of the state of your marriage.
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But my GF treats me like a king. She is amazing.
Enjoy it while it lasts, but all relationships eventually fall out of limerence and settle into something more long-term. The first year I dated my GF she treated me like a king too. Now? Well maybe a prince, but at least that's still better than the court jester, LOL! I was never in limerence with her, but I recognized it in her and I didn't set my expectations based on that. I waited to see what our R would look like AFTER that. And it's very good, but she is not as "all-in" as she was that first year, and that is fine. So don't get too wound up in how things are going just yet, and try not to get too deep into limerence yourself.
Wolf - it sounds like you would take your Ex-W in a heartbeat...you're still concerned with either being right or how your actions will affect the thinking of your Ex-W.
Maybe you shouldn't have gotten into another relationship b/c I feel like you'd drop her in a second if your Ex-W wanted to reconcile.n.
Maybe I shouldn’t have. But I know I will always have a love for my ex. I was with her for 20 years. But I also don’t know if I would jump right back with her. Do I miss my family,,, YES. But my GF treats me like a king. She is amazing. If my ex asked me back tomorrow i would have a lot of thinking to do. And I would have to know my ex would work on some things too. It can’t be all about me doing the work.
You can have love but know that you don't want a relationship with someone. It "sounds" like you just want someone to treat you well to prove your value. I don't blame you for wanting that but it makes things messy unless you are fully done with your old R. Especially with kids involved in my opinion. I think this is why every Vet on here promotes working on yourself during this process so that you know when you're ready to move on and you see the value in yourself.
I'm 13 months in to my situation and I thought about dating a few months ago but I knew I wasn't ready and my W still was working through her own inner turmoil. I haven't met any new women or been on any dates bc I know I still want things to work out with my W and until that door is closed I'll be focusing on my own personal growth. I'll add that my W said some awful things to me early on and I thought we had maybe 5% chance at best but that's just based on moments in time. Things change and it's best to not jump the gun IMO.
H 37 W 31 S 2
T: 7 M: 4
BD 12/18 Separated 2/19 Living back together 04/06/2019 W Moved out again 07/15/2019
Last edited by job; 01/08/2006:19 PM. Reason: added link to new thread
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
