I've been back for two weeks and my W was different upon me returning. Sharing more, smiling more and she mentioned her feelings where "changing" and that she didn't know who she was - especially last winter when this all kind of started.
But it feels as though its back to where it was before I went away. She has checked in the last two nights to ask about our son and his toilet training but nothing about me. She hasn't asked to spend any time with me and she hasn't really said anything about her feelings about us.
Her ACTIONS suggest she isn't too interested in me but maybe I'm being too critical and expecting things to move faster if she is coming around. Our interactions are much better than they were and we seem to be getting along great - we even talked a bit about some sex stuff the other night which I'm surprised she opened up about.
I think I need to be patient. As Humble the Poet says: "We can’t see the future, and that simple fact is why we can’t get too excited or worried about a situation; we just have to let it play out.”
H 37 W 31 S 2
T: 7 M: 4
BD 12/18 Separated 2/19 Living back together 04/06/2019 W Moved out again 07/15/2019
After putting our son to bed last night my W stayed for about an hour after and had a glass of wine with me - we chatted about different things but there was no R talk.
She just came by to drop something off and decided to stay for 20 minutes and chat. Had some laughs - again no R talk, just keeping it light.
When she left she asked if her and her mom could come by tonight to see our son. I said that wouldn't be a problem as we would be here.
Obviously these are positive signs just from a better communication standpoint. How patient should I be as far as talking about our actual Relationship...I've flirted a little bit and she's been receptive to that but there is nothing physical going on besides hugs.
H 37 W 31 S 2
T: 7 M: 4
BD 12/18 Separated 2/19 Living back together 04/06/2019 W Moved out again 07/15/2019
Patience is not waiting for things to happen, it's giving the time to allow things to play out.
My W has been way more friendly...she just accepted a new job and she was asking me to read her responses to make sure it all sounded good in the negotiations (just like old times). She's been more receptive to time spent with me and our son. She doesn't seem as eager to take him out of the house when she's with him and she's even invited me to spend some time with them.
That said...still nothing outside of hugs for now but I feel we are connecting better emotionally than we have for a long time. Will this feed the physical connection to come back??
I'm definitely trying to understand her but unfortunately R2C she's well aware of the cards I'm holding.
I feel like I'm holding on to her saying " I feel like my emotions are changing" (for the better, so we held off on legal stuff) and I want more clarity on what that means.
I guess in time I'll get that....more patience and focus on myself and my son while this plays out. I am dressing better when I'm around her, staying positive, fun, upbeat - engaging with strangers when we are out and generally being friendly.
H 37 W 31 S 2
T: 7 M: 4
BD 12/18 Separated 2/19 Living back together 04/06/2019 W Moved out again 07/15/2019
I was telling her about our son being a bit difficult at daycare today after she asked how we were doing.
W: Shoot, I wonder what's up. Maybe me seeing him more and then not is confusing or upsetting him (sad face) Me: I don't know he's also 2. That said, I've been wondering if that's confusing to him as well. Do you have any thoughts on that? W: Just thought it could be a factor.
I didn't respond after that.
As noted earlier...we've been spending a bit more time as a family over the past 3 weeks but she still hasn't said anything much about us working things out. She's been way better but has a long way to go with her own personal things but she isn't so set on divorce apparently (at least compared to what she was saying 3 months ago).
Advice?
H 37 W 31 S 2
T: 7 M: 4
BD 12/18 Separated 2/19 Living back together 04/06/2019 W Moved out again 07/15/2019
W: Shoot, I wonder what's up. Maybe me seeing him more and then not is confusing or upsetting him (sad face)
Me: I don't know he's also 2. That said, I've been wondering if that's confusing to him as well. Do you have any thoughts on that?Yeah, it's really hard not knowing what he's thinking or feeling.
I didn't respond after that.
I think no response from now forward is the right choice. Zero pressure.
As noted above things have been better since I got back from Florida about 3 weeks ago. Tomorrow is also the year anniversary of BD.
But this past week she went 3 full days without reaching out and at least asking how our son is doing...this is similar to how things were before Florida and I just got used to it. But we were talking a bit every day since I got back, usually her initiating. I did invite her to join us Friday at a playdate for our son and she said she may come but then she never even texted to say she wasnt' going to make it.
I did give her a call Thursday morning to check in on how she was feeling (she's been a bit sick) and to see how her new job was working out. I wonder if this made her pull away again.
Anyways - I'm just trying to be aware of what's working and what's not without reading too much into anything. I want to see what her actions show. And right now her actions make me feel like the things she told me a couple of weeks ago weren't genuine. She's yet to start counselling and she certainly isn't asking to spend time with me. However, she is staying for a bit after our son goes to bed on the nights she's here, and that is a new thing since BD. Anyways, Michelle says to look for small signs of thawing and I feel like I've seen some but I'm also worried I'm being played and it is more to do with our son than it is with me.
Am I overreacting to three days?
H 37 W 31 S 2
T: 7 M: 4
BD 12/18 Separated 2/19 Living back together 04/06/2019 W Moved out again 07/15/2019
