Seeing that check on the table this morning sent my thoughts downward. I know I’ve got a good case for more money I just don’t know how much since I don’t know what he makes now and the dividends are still undecided. I dreamed about being on the stand testifying that he is cheating which I can do it’s the part where I’d have to look at him. I dreamed I had to tell the court that our 19 year old caught him because WAH lied and my witness lied. I imagined his attorney cutting me to shreds over my mental illness and that stupid male friend I made 6 years ago. I did not cheat but she will use it against me. I’ve already told my attorney all of this.
My negative thoughts tell me again he’s having a good time at my expense. I’m writing this trying to get my head back on straight.
Cheating (can) affect alimony in my state. Given my financial needs combined with him being an idiot I’ll get more money than I would have had he filed back in May. My thoughts tell me this is all some sort of master plan but it’s only because he’s being coached. I get the whole status quo thing but does he think I’m stupid? Even if I didn’t catch him cheating I’d have to file. If he can prove I don’t need alimony then he might not have to pay much.
I paid rent in October while he was still paying everything else. November is all me but I filed on the 18th. Just like he won’t like the word adultery I don’t like the word destitute. Makes me sound like I’m on the verge of being homeless and yet I will be without support. Right now he’s paying a few hundred more than CS. If that sticks he just won the lottery.
What kind of proof do you have of cheating other than your son seeing another car in the driveway?
Because be careful, if you don’t have proof of cheating, proof that this is anymore than a friend, you’ll just put yourself through something more painful.
I had proof of my ex cheating but we were a no fault state so I never put myself through the hell.
Put speculation and assumption won’t get you your case. Only hard evidence.
..... and do you really want to put your son in the position of testifying against his own father? Because that could be pretty damaging to him.
There are tho by a in this process that aren’t worth the pain it would cause you and others you love to punish your H. Trust me, my ex cheated on my when I was pregnant with our IVF high risk pregnancy and left me when our daughter was 6 months old. She’s 12 now, they are married, and she is my daughters stepmother. I wanted nothing more than to punish them both. But in those efforts, I realized I was only punishing me and my daughter. No matter who’s original “fault” your sitch is, the consequences of direct actions will fall on you.
So, why don’t you really ask the right questions to your L. What exactly do you need to prove this? Will your son have to testify? How much more money is there to be gained?
This is really important stuff in the long run for your sanity
My son walked in on them (they don’t know). He will not be testifying. WAH will never know unless S19 tells him. My star witness is someone really great.
In the end it won’t matter this is just a quick way to get support. If I’m filing just because I want out then the courts won’t care about my financial situation. I need a reason to get an emergency hearing.
Well, if you aren’t getting No money and you can’t support yourself right now and this truly is the fastest way to go , maybe it’s the right decision.
But I imagine after a trial and the effort to prove it, it could be even longer. And in the long run, he might want to fight you tooth and nail.
As said above, find out what it takes to prove infidelity. I’m pretty sure most states don’t even have these grounds any more because it’s so hard to prove.
My point is , don’t make any rash emotional decisions and don’t do it to punish him. Make your moves for what’s good for you in the long run.
Make sure to check with your lawyer about what it takes to proof infidelity in your state.
Consider hiring a PI? Or maybe have witness and subpoena the OW?
I offered to hire a PI and she said the witness would be enough (for now). WAH and both our attorneys know this person so this isn’t some random friend. It isn’t enough proof on its own no but it gets me a hearing.
Well, if you aren’t getting No money and you can’t support yourself right now and this truly is the fastest way to go , maybe it’s the right decision.
But I imagine after a trial and the effort to prove it, it could be even longer. And in the long run, he might want to fight you tooth and nail.
As said above, find out what it takes to prove infidelity. I’m pretty sure most states don’t even have these grounds any more because it’s so hard to prove.
My point is , don’t make any rash emotional decisions and don’t do it to punish him. Make your moves for what’s good for you in the long run.
I trusted WAH back in May when we discussed support. He didn’t want to pay me much and got angry. I gave him my ramen noodles budget and he said “you can’t make it on that”. Well that is what he is paying me. Infidelity is impossible to prove and my attorney knows that. I know that.
Our divorce revolves around alimony. I’m reading everything I can get my hands on if we aren’t even close then I push for a trial. It will never get that far because I’ll get a temporary support hearing. That ruling will likely stick since its based on income, length of marriage, financial need, etc. At that point I drop the adultery charge and change it to irreconcilable differences. It’s all very strategic.
I’m not interested in punishing him. Heck I still want to reconcile years down the road (yes I’m that stupid). I’m filing to protect myself and my kids financially. The adultery is just a means to an end.
