Living, I just finished reading your thread and WOW. I'm so sorry to hear about the turn of events. I am curious - what is holding you back from filing for D?
Woosa, I don’t want a divorce. However, I won’t stand in his way if he chooses to file for one.
That said, I am tired of the emotional roller coaster we’ve been on.
My mind may change this coming year. But I just feel like he’s the one who wants it, let him be the one to file it.
I’ve been on a roller coaster ride for 2 years with my H, who I believe with everything in me is having a MLC. All the advise and help says to GAL, take care of yourself, and leave the MLC’er to their mess. The advise also says that if the MLC’er wants a divorce let them do the work to get that. So I’ve been trying all that.
Truth is, I’ve held on hoping that he would change back into the man I married or heck even a better version of him. And based on my husbands behavior, he hasn’t.
That’s the best answer I can give you.
Last edited by Living; 12/01/1902:20 PM.
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
It is sad to see what they have become and can be mind blowing that not only are they ok with it they can't see what they're doing is wrong.
If you have time I think it would be great for you give advice to the newbies, especially the women. You're journey could be helpful to many people.
Thank you LH19. I agree it truly is sad to see their decline. It’s hard to watch someone you love blow their life up. However, there is nothing you can do.
I’ll be sure to pop in and help the newbies. This is a hard road and I was optimistic that we would pull through it but I just don’t my husband has the desire to be a husband anymore. I think he wants to run around like a teenager and do what he wants when he wants...no matter the consequences.
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
Truth is, I’ve held on hoping that he would change back into the man I married or heck even a better version of him. And based on my husbands behavior, he hasn’t.
That’s the best answer I can give you.
You are a strong woman for holding out for this long. I am at a little over two months and I question myself everyday how I can keep going. It's always that little bit of hope that things will turn around.....
sending thoughts your way. wishing you the best no matter what happens with your H.
Why do you say you can guarantee her H will be back and it’s too early in the process? She said it has been two years. I’m just curious. I have had many people say a similar thing to me about how it’s only a matter of time and the real question is what my response will be when she does come crawling back etc.
L,
I’m really sorry to read about your sitch. I related a lot. My W said the exact same things to me after her first A, that she was too scared to lose me, afraid she would regret everything for the rest of her life etc. Flash forward a year, we have deja vu and she is in another A. Those feelings of fear of loss and regret are not enough for successful recon. It is awful to experience the hope they bring, and in my case it brought me all the way to false recon for over a year, only to be crushed all over again. Take solace knowing that if your H ever does come back, all this time and roller coaster ride is necessary to have a true long term reconciliation.
It’s a feeling a get when I read sitches. First off L is strong and I believe her husband respects her which is a must. Men tend to try to comeback more then woman. Plus I think her husband is lost right now and will eventually find his way.
I realize I should be careful saying it because I obviously no one can predict the future.
Thank you LH19, I will definitely come here to help anyone that o can.
Woosa, it’s because of websites like this and my faith in God that I’ve been able to last 2 years on this road. I’ve been battered and bruised but I’m not broken. I refuse to let this kill me.
Thank you for your input 44tries. I know that there’s a lesson in all of our struggles. The one the thing I can say about my situation is that I get stronger everyday. I’ve been taking this time to do a lot of work on myself and I’m in a good place mentally. I know that whatever happens, I’ll be ok.
LH19 is right, my husband is lost and he’s admitted as much many times. I can tell that he’s not intentionally trying to hurt me. However, hurt people hurt those closest to them.
I also know that my husband does love me in some shape or forum. The problem is that he’s doesn’t love me the way I need and the way he should. But how could he when he doesn’t love himself?
So watching him struggle allows me to have some form of compassion for him. It’s hard but it’s the truth. Some days I want to smack the crap out of him, and other days...I feel compassion for him.
He truly is lost and it shows in his everyday actions. He’s lost his identity and is out here searching for things in people, places, and things...that he can only find on himself. He’s searching for answers that lie in himself but he hasn’t grown enough to realize that yet.
I have no doubt that someday he will get tired of acting like a ranging teenager. His body isn’t going to allow him go keep this up forever. However as LH19 said, if he turns back to me then...I may have moved on.
Last edited by Living; 12/01/1906:31 PM.
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
I just wan to add a bit more for those catching up on my sitch....
These past 2 years that my husband has been on this wild ride he’s been on has been hard. In fact, hard is an understatement. But.....
I haven’t just wasted this precious time to focus on me. I’m certainly not perfect but I’ve grown a lot in the last 2 years.
I’ve re-gained my independence. This has been huge for me. I was independent when I met him so it feels good to be able to take care of myself again.
I’ve become financially independent of my husband.
I’ve built up a savings (it’s not huge but it’s mine).
I’ve been building my business.
I’ve lost 40 pounds just this year alone. The stress jump started that weight loss and I decided I may as well keep it up, lol!
I’ve been in counseling to help me with this process and the counseling had been amazing.
I’ve taken a couple of road trips solo (something I would have never done before).
Spiritually and mentally I’m in a great place. I still get emotional but I’m not where I used to be.
I’ve got even more planned for 2020. I have an inner knowing that no matter where the road takes me, that I will be ok.
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
