So Steve just to clarify you our advising someone who has been threatened with D four times to pursue and ask for sex?
I knew you wouldn't like it. LOL
No what I am advising him is to improve himself as a person, and as a husband. And not to do just to say: "Well, I tried that, check it off the list." Improve himself FOR him.
He has a W that is on the fence. Just like my W was right before we moved to Ring and piecing.
I guess the last post could be characterized as pursuing....however I like to think of it more as expressing a need. Oh, and again, this is just for ScottB's specific sitch and is not for sitches in general.
But I hear you LH. Do I think he should go home and say "I want you right now, let's go into the bedroom?" No. But it is where it can move to ONCE you drop the NGS act, and once you start showing love to her in her language.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
P.S. And since you are nitpicking my advice I will turn it around. His W is in the house, not engaging with OM, attending MC, and is at least affectionate with him. And you jump to: "I can tell you there are lots of woman out there who would give anything to date a guy like you if your honest about your assessment of yourself."
Are you really saying that you think Scott is ready to start dating other women?
Last edited by Steve85; 01/09/2004:23 PM.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
No I was telling him when has had enough of the BS he can file for D, heal and then move on and eventually date again.
Also, you have no idea if there is an OM, sounds like she’s not putting in the effort in MC and I can get an I love you and a peck from my children in the morning. Sorry but you need more then that from your wife.
I'm fit, I've got a good job, I'm a great dad, I don't gamble or drink. I just can't understand why I have to continue to go through this.
You sound boring.
It is a lot of work to keep a woman interested. It takes a lot of work to get them sexually excited. They need excitement in their lives. google "the art of seduction". Be attractive. Be seductive. Be unpredictable.
I wish you well.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Scott (and other LBS) you need to get over this pity party of "life is so unfair"
6-year-olds get killed at a school, good people get cancer and die, people suffer unimaginable tragedies, horrible people prosper by lying (thousands of times) and cheating. Life isn't fair and no one has an explanation of why those things happen. So you aren't going to find an answer of why a good person like yourself has "to continue to go through this."
You are focused entirely too much on your W.
In my situation, I learn to simply ask for what I want. Look I think it's stupid that my W doesn't know that I want sex. It boggles my mind that she doesn't just know that. I mean it's a cliché at this point. But it doesn't stop me from asking for my needs to be met.
Ok Steve and Mario or Izdad or whomever you are. Those are great traits when your in a healthy marriage. Now when you were just bombed for the 4th time 3 months ago and your W shows zero interest in sex you want him to ask for it???? When she says no does he go running away with his tail between his legs?
Ok Steve and Mario or Izdad or whomever you are. Those are great traits when your in a healthy marriage. Now when you were just bombed for the 4th time 3 months ago and your W shows zero interest in sex you want him to ask for it???? When she says no does he go running away with his tail between his legs?
What did you do when a girl says no? did you go running away?
You act like there are no other ways to behave. There are.
Yeah it's been a few months since the BD. I certainly asked for sex a few months post BD. Sometime she said yes, other times no, but I took it in stride.
I would suggest they probably aren't ready for a sex life yet. But obviously, it's causing Scott a lot of conflict. It's causing resentment, it's causing anger. How is that healthy?
I'd suggest he go back and look at the book for guidance. Getting a marriage 'unstuck' is not quick or easy. I don't think trolling for women on Tinder is the answer either.
Ok Steve and Mario or Izdad or whomever you are. Those are great traits when your in a healthy marriage. Now when you were just bombed for the 4th time 3 months ago and your W shows zero interest in sex you want him to ask for it???? When she says no does he go running away with his tail between his legs?
Calling me that guy is a low blow, LH!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
No I was telling him when has had enough of the BS he can file for D, heal and then move on and eventually date again.
Also, you have no idea if there is an OM, sounds like she’s not putting in the effort in MC and I can get an I love you and a peck from my children in the morning. Sorry but you need more then that from your wife.
Yeah, I can understand that perspective. As I said, I see Scott's sitch being very close to mine shortly before we moved into Ring and piecing. He can always pull the plug. I don't see why it would hurt to fix the NGS, learn about love languages, and give it one more try with a little more knowledge. That's all.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
No I agree with your last post. It’s tough because you and I had different experiences so we tend to post our experience s. I just know emotional immaturity is bs. 90% of marriages can be fixed with both people on board. That’s the frustrating part.
