I hear you brother. I think we have a lot in common. I just want to tell you that your kids won’t be destroyed if you D. I thought that too but mine are fine and I might argue better off because there is zero tension in my home and probably not much in their moms.
It’s amazing how WWs can become sexual camels lol.
In MC she has basically said we need to back burner that issue while we talk through other things as recently as last week. But there isn’t even a road in that direction since there is zero intimacy (from my perspective).
Yeah I agree that it's not on the horizon at this point. The reason I asked if it had been discussed is because she's still saying ILY and giving "polite" kisses. Usually when a WAS cuts the sex out they cut out all other intimacy as well (but not always). Strangely many WAS's will do what mine did- cut out all the casual signs of affection (kissing, hugging, ILY) while continuing to have sex.
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You conjecture on the WW, since I am a newbie is that it was a physical affair, is that correct?
Sorry, WW is shorthand for "wayward wife" which is a bit different than WAW (walkaway wife). Typically a WAW wants out of the M because they feel their needs aren't being met, but they're not necessarily wanting to jump into another R anytime soon. Waywards are often looking for someone else to meet their emotional needs while they are still married. They might be in an EA or PA or even an IA ("imaginary" or fantasy affair).
In MC she has basically said we need to back burner that issue while we talk through other things as recently as last week. But there isn’t even a road in that direction since there is zero intimacy (from my perspective).
Yeah I agree that it's not on the horizon at this point. The reason I asked if it had been discussed is because she's still saying ILY and giving "polite" kisses. Usually when a WAS cuts the sex out they cut out all other intimacy as well (but not always). Strangely many WAS's will do what mine did- cut out all the casual signs of affection (kissing, hugging, ILY) while continuing to have sex.
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You conjecture on the WW, since I am a newbie is that it was a physical affair, is that correct?
Sorry, WW is shorthand for "wayward wife" which is a bit different than WAW (walkaway wife). Typically a WAW wants out of the M because they feel their needs aren't being met, but they're not necessarily wanting to jump into another R anytime soon. Waywards are often looking for someone else to meet their emotional needs while they are still married. They might be in an EA or PA or even an IA ("imaginary" or fantasy affair).
The WW will also expect that they can do whatever they want....and that the LBH will be sitting their continuing to provide whatever they want from them too. We call it cake eating.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Well I’m sure Scotty B would love to hear the complex recipe as would I. How do you prevent her from doing whatever she wants? Sounds like control to me. How does he get her to have sex with him against her will? He could go to jail. How does her show her he’s not waiting around for her to figure her $hit out?
One of the best quotes I read on here was from Accuray who said he read the only way and healthy relationship can last long term is that both partners are willing to walk away if their needs aren’t being met and bother partners have to believe the other is willing to walk.
I think the emotional immaturity could be a thing. I really don't think she is looking for the next thing or looking for that thrill and excitement. Now if it found her, that would be different.
I've also noticed that her drinking has taken an uptick with about a half of bottle of wine every night - not sure how that factors in.
She also quit her job because she hated it a couple of months ago and I supported her, her boss was a jerk. And now she is really trying to figure out what she wants to do next. She wants to make a bit of a career change, so she is putting time into that. Just some additional details.
I did order No More Mr. Nice Guy after listening to a book review of it, parts of it sounded familiar and I thought, based on the reviews, it couldn't hurt.
Well I’m sure Scotty B would love to hear the complex recipe as would I. How do you prevent her from doing whatever she wants? Sounds like control to me. How does he get her to have sex with him against her will? He could go to jail. How does her show her he’s not waiting around for her to figure her $hit out?
One of the best quotes I read on here was from Accuray who said he read the only way and healthy relationship can last long term is that both partners are willing to walk away if their needs aren’t being met and bother partners have to believe the other is willing to walk.
Something to think about.
This is an outstanding post with great probing questions. As always LH your insight is keen.
The complexity you are describing her is why it is a complex recipe. Obviously, I do not advocate rape. What I do advocate is reading sandi's extensive writings here on dealing with a WW. ScottB look for threads and responses from sandi. She was a WW herself. She knows best how to deal with them.
However, as stated before, I am not sure your W is still a WW. I think she is foundering. And I think you've done some things, and are held back by NGS in doing better things, that have her stuck in a rut.......as you are.
Now the good news. You are here. You are reading. You are in C. You are doing many things to get yourself to a better place! And you should stop and commend yourself for that. Because that is how we improve. So keep doing it. Trust the process. Be consistent. And most of all..................BE PATIENT. It sounds to me that you, like me, are devoutly religious. If so, and if I can presume you are a Christian, you know what God tells us about being longsuffering. In fact, most places in the NT were the word "patience" is used, a more appropriate translation from the original Greek would be "longsuffering".
And that word implies EXACTLY what it means........
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
