So he came home last Thursday as expected. It was around 1:00 am. He came into our room, I said hi and he replied hi, the. He picked up his pillow to go sleep on the couch. Friday, I did my thing, I went shopping with D24 then we went home before we were off to another destination of fun. He was home, chatty enough to speak to me. I needed him to take care of one of our animals, since I would not be home and he freely told me where he was going and that he would not be late. Saturday, he was gone most of the day, but I did notice him looking at his hobby items (racing) he has not paid any interest in them, since before the BD. We need money to race, don’t have it and I attributed his non interest before the BD to depression that we do not have the funds. Saturday was our daughter’s last night home, I asked if she wanted to go someplace special for dinner and she responded dad was taking her out. After they came back, she and I went out. I didn’t say anything, but she said bye to him and he asked where we were going. Idk if he asked for her or both of us. He never asks me. Yesterday, he stayed away all day. I found out he went for a bike ride. We live near a beach and it seems like he went there to ride. For some reason, this hurt really bad. We haven’t gone in so long, we used to love going. When it was time to take D24 to the airport, she just said bye and he said bye back. No hug no nothing. When I came back from the airport, the living room was dark and I just went to bed. I hate not saying anything. I am fearful, that now it seems the OW has found another that my H will find another. I expect him to, but I do see signs he is still inside the man I love. No more snake eyes. Really. I hope this isn’t because our daughter was home, but he really didn’t spend much time with her. Does anyone have any advice? I mean besides GAL. Anyone have a similar situation? Thanks.
I woke up really sad today. I am feeling hopeless.
Sometime early this morning, he came into our room to use the shower in our bathroom (only shower in the house). When he was done, I sleepily asked something about what time he’d be home tonight. He was very certain he didn’t know what time. I then followed up with I would not be home had hoped he could feed the dogs. He then responded he’d be home and could do that.
I just remember as I was falling back to sleep, he probably thought I wanted to “TALK” and was avoiding that. He of course, didn’t ask where I’d be. He doesn’t care.
Last night I was realizing this is 8 months post BD, a few weeks post OW and I know his feelings are all over. How can I keep GAL? I’m so sad.
I know people can wake up on the wrong side of the bed, and I usually am a very positive person. I hate feeling like this.
Last edited by PLC; 01/07/2004:13 PM. Reason: Added more
Does anyone have any advice? I mean besides GAL. Anyone have a similar situation? Thanks.
Well it sounds like you are doing what you need to do. Giving him time and space, doing your own thing, not applying pressure to him. Just keep doing that. IHS's are the worst, it's just miserable business trying to give someone time and space while they live under the same roof. Very sorry you are hurting. Keep taking care of yourself!
Thank you AnotherStander. I really try to not let this get to me. I am wondering if deep down I thought he would feel something over the holidays and realize I am here.
I will continue with the advice you gave. Thank you.
Yesterday, I had asked him to take care of our pets, since I wouldn’t be home to feed them in the evening.
He agreed and did. When I got home, he wasn’t there. When he came home, instead of walking into the living room, he actually walked through the room where I was first. I really feel he was curious as to where I went. I saw at that little moment GAL makes him wonder.
When your h does things for you, be sure to recognize his efforts. Those two words "thank you" mean a lot to people and it lets them know that you are aware of their efforts.
Continue to give him the space and time he needs. If he wants to talk, listen and validate his feelings/thoughts.
Sit quietly and the answers will come, dig deeper for patience and keep the focus on you and your GAL activities.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Last night I was realizing this is 8 months post BD, a few weeks post OW and I know his feelings are all over. How can I keep GAL? I’m so sad.
I know people can wake up on the wrong side of the bed, and I usually am a very positive person. I hate feeling like this.
I'm sorry you were feeling hopeless, PLC. It's hard when the feelings shift like that—some days a dream can mess with my PMA, and it really is like waking up on the wrong side of bed. Hard to shake. But: Tomorrow is a new day. When you feel hopeless, is there any small thing you can do for yourself? Cook or bake something, take a bath, etc.?
Hi Cardinal- Thank you for your comments. Small things for myself seems so boring-I am really stepping out of my comfort zone. I will go to the bookstore and look at new titles. It gets me away from the house and him. I have spent so many years making our home a sanctuary-comfortable to stay in, I sometimes just want to kick back. If feel if I do, I’m not a mystery to him. I think cooking might be a good idea. Try out things I’d like that I don’t need to see if he would like. He and I only have shared a meal on Christmas in the last 8 months. It’s just so crazy. I really am living with a roommate that we move like strangers in the home. I also am making plans for the weekend, this is my GAL and I do look so forward to those two days. In the beginning, I hated them now I love two days devoted to me, the queen! When I think of how the marriage has changed to this in the last eight months it’s insane. But that marriage is over and hopefully onto a better one. Thanks for letting me ramble!
Hi, PLC. I totally identify with home being a sanctuary and just posted something similar on my thread. Have you bookmarked any meals you might want to try out? It’s a bit empowering too, to know that you can choose something for you without considering what he would/wouldn’t like. I admire your weekend attitude—I hope you had a good one!
