I've seen stories of WWs that went back and I apologized and wanted to get back together after leaving their Hs, marrying the OM, and many many years have passed. It happens.
I think I am saying never. The only reason why is my ex is prideful and that’s her m-o. She cuts people out of her life and never speaks to them again. She has done it with a childhood friend, aunt, cousins, numerous friends, her own brother and list goes on. I am just another casualty I guess. I just miss my family. Being with my kids and in my beautiful home. I guess I just have to adjust to my new reality. Thanks Steve. I wish I had the stamina and patience you have displayed in your situation. You are truly an inspiration.
M:42 XW:41 T:19 M: 15 D:13 S:10 BD: 8/10/18 Moved out: 8/18 Moved in: 9/18/18 Moved out: 4/22/19 D papers signed 11/4/19 D final 3/18/20
I've seen stories of WWs that went back and I apologized and wanted to get back together after leaving their Hs, marrying the OM, and many many years have passed. It happens.
I think I am saying never. The only reason why is my ex is prideful and that’s her m-o. She cuts people out of her life and never speaks to them again. She has done it with a childhood friend, aunt, cousins, numerous friends, her own brother and list goes on. I am just another casualty I guess. I just miss my family. Being with my kids and in my beautiful home. I guess I just have to adjust to my new reality. Thanks Steve. I wish I had the stamina and patience you have displayed in your situation. You are truly an inspiration.
Thanks Wolf. I can't tell you I know how you feel because I don't. I am sure it is horrible and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, let alone someone I've come to care about remotely over the internet. So know that I pray for you daily, and others dealing with this garbage.
There is one difference between you and a childhood friend, aunt, cousins, numerous friends, her own brother etc.....she doesn't have kids with any of them. She does with you. That is an unique connection. She is 40. Women go through a huge transition somewhere between 40 and 55. Again, maybe you are right. But I have seen harder hearts softened by time, life changes (kids getting married, having kids, etc). As I said, I saw a story about a woman that left her H and kids, gave up full custody, to be with an OM. They were married, many years went by, and she realized one day that she had made a horrible mistake. Went back to her ex-H and begged for a second chance. Last I heard she had D'd OM, R to exH, and they had been remarried again for several years.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I think your number one problem is there is still to much conflict in your relationship with your ex.
That’s where I get confused. I tried being nice but get walked all over. Then I stand up to her and she gets angry and spit venom at me. I guess I don’t know what the happy medium is. There is nothing but anger from her. She is only slightly happy when I am giving in to her every need and I am not doing that anymore. I just try and keep my distance and when we do encounter each other I am happy and polite. I don’t want her to think I am down. But that is my ex, when she doesn’t get her way, she acts like a little kid and throws a temper tantrum. She tells and screams and gaslights me. So keep helping me because I am missing something.
Originally Posted by IHCLACS
^^^^Gee? Ya think? Lol...Wolf... Despite your own contributions to the downfall of the M. I think its safe to say you're W is a narcissist.
Absolutely she is. I have to run but what happened with my kids yesterday made me real sad. I will speak about it in a little bit.
M:42 XW:41 T:19 M: 15 D:13 S:10 BD: 8/10/18 Moved out: 8/18 Moved in: 9/18/18 Moved out: 4/22/19 D papers signed 11/4/19 D final 3/18/20
Well wolf you are kind of in a tough spot because you’re in love with two women. One who treats you amazing and one that disrespects you and treats you like $hit. The worst part is you prefer the latter. So yeah you’re in a tough spot because a narcissist will never change.
I just try and keep my distance and when we do encounter each other I am happy and polite. I don’t want her to think I am down. But that is my ex, when she doesn’t get her way, she acts like a little kid and throws a temper tantrum. She tells and screams and gaslights me. So keep helping me because I am missing something.
What worked in the past whenever she would have tantrum? Maybe I should ask if anything worked. Does she behave toward her parents in the same manner? If so, then you're probably seeing a pattern she developed quite young. That's not to say she can't change, but she has to see how the tantrums do not get what she wants.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Well wolf you are kind of in a tough spot because you’re in love with two women. One who treats you amazing and one that disrespects you and treats you like $hit. The worst part is you prefer the latter. So yeah you’re in a tough spot because a narcissist will never change.
I wouldn’t say I prefer the latter. I miss being a family. For a long time it was my ex, I miss the family dynamic. I miss the little things, like kissing my kids good night every night. Or in the morning seeing them and telling them to have a good day at school. It’s amazing that she has become a narcissist or maybe I am just realizing it now. I’ll tell you though, I never thought in a million years she would ever do this to our family.
Originally Posted by ovrrnbw
You should be expecting it from her at this point, why does it surprise you? Why does it still hurt you?
Does Wolf being the best Wolf depend on someone other than Wolf?
Can you do anything about this?
I guess it surprises me because she got what she wanted. Divorce. She got the home, she got her child support, I have the kids 50% of the time so she can be free and live like a teenager. Yet she is still angry? What else does she want? It doesn’t hurt as much anymore. I am working on being the best wolf. I am trying hard to learn how to make myself happy and not let my happiness come from others. It’s hard because my happiness has been my family but I am starting g to slowly to find happiness.
Originally Posted by sandi2
Quote
I just try and keep my distance and when we do encounter each other I am happy and polite. I don’t want her to think I am down. But that is my ex, when she doesn’t get her way, she acts like a little kid and throws a temper tantrum. She tells and screams and gaslights me. So keep helping me because I am missing something.
What worked in the past whenever she would have tantrum? Maybe I should ask if anything worked. Does she behave toward her parents in the same manner? If so, then you're probably seeing a pattern she developed quite young. That's not to say she can't change, but she has to see how the tantrums do not get what she wants.
What worked in the past? Eventually me giving in. She was relentless. When she got something on her mind she would not let it go. For example if she wanted to go away. She would just keep talking about it until I would just finally give in and book the vacation even if we didn’t have the money for it. Same with her parents, she would fight endlessly with her mom about a lot of stupid stuff. She was always a spoiled brat. When she didn’t get her way she would become angry or just keep hammering away at people until they gave in to her needs. It’s a shame she took our marriage for granted. My kids are the ones paying the price. My s is starting to become very angry and act out.
Monday my s had a basketball game. So my ex will have my s pack his basketball bag and put it in the garage. After school go to the house and he goes in the garage to get his bag. Well he forgot to do it. The ex should be making sure it gets done but she is only about her self. Anyway. So I text ex and tell her s forgot his basketball stuff. She said she will be home at 4 to meet her at the house so he can grab his stuff. I meet her at 4 he runs in grabs his basketball stuff and come out. Just as I am driving down the block I asked s you have your uniform? He said he forgot it. So my s calls his mom and she already left the house. She said she will not go home and bring it to the game later. Fast forward. His game was at 6:30 but we’d had to be there at 6 to practice. Ex is not there. She calls my phone at 6:10 I had the phone to s and the ex is saying she can’t find the uniform. My s starts to cry how is he going to play. He tells her to look in ano her spot and she still doesn’t see it. So she tells him it’s his problem and she is looking anymore and he can’t play and then hangs up on my s. Now he is hysterical crying and asking me to go home to get it. I said your mom might not be there and I can’t get into the house. He starts to panic and freak out because he wants to play. He is begging me to take him home. I said by the time we get there find it and get back the game will be half over. I said I will have to let your coaches know. Then my son yells out, “I hate this f#*king divorce. It’s not fair.” I wanted to cry because my ex thinks the kids are ok with this. She doesn’t realize how this affected them. She only cares about herself. The point to that long story is the ex thinks the kids are fine and that they are doing better now that we are divorced. She does not realize how much this is hurting them. I don’t want to force someone to stay with me but she could have tried to fix our marriage at least for the sake of the children. It’s not always about her. But she made it that way. My kids are hurting so bad and it kills me!!! I wish she would get her head out of her butt and see how much they are hurting. She thinks they are fine. He finally remembered where it was and called her back and told her where it was. She brought it a little late and he was able to play. Yet she had the nerve to tell me this is not fair to her that she has to remember these things for the kids. I’m sorry I thought being a parent was making sure the kids are taking care of and making sure they have everything they need. She wanted d I can’t be there to help her anymore. Again I don’t know what she thought d would be like!!!
M:42 XW:41 T:19 M: 15 D:13 S:10 BD: 8/10/18 Moved out: 8/18 Moved in: 9/18/18 Moved out: 4/22/19 D papers signed 11/4/19 D final 3/18/20
How old is your son? I do believe kids of a certain level of responsibility. If he is supposed to pack his uniform, then he forgets, that’s kind of on him and he learns. But ok, she meets you back there. And he still forgets his uniform. Divorce or not, this could be happening. You can blame her parenting and her selfishness on this.
I dunno. That’s the way I parent and I guess it’s not everyone’s cup of tea. My daughter has a responsibility to make sure she has her stuff. It’s forgotten sometimes and we help her out. But when she’s not keeping up with her responsibilities, she does suffer the consequences and is more aware .
I don’t think this has anything to do with the kids being fine or not form the divorceD your son forgot something twice, misplaced his uniform and I’m the end got the uniform to him.
