* Well, I am doing a great job at detaching. I don't call/txt/email at all and, if I must, its only txt about the kids or the dog. I will say though that hearing from her at all brings my anxiety back to like post BD levels and I avoid her like the plague. Sometimes it hits me at like 4am and I can't go back to sleep. This happened today! I know she will be moving out of our neighborhood soon, and I am just wondering how life will be. * That anxiety is previously mentioned is just relentless.... * The kids are maintaining their distance. I often text them that I love them and 75% of the time, I don't hear anything back. This, in my mind, is harder than losing my W!! I have been validating whatever feeligs they share with me, which happens rarely. A few of my friends have reminded me that D15 is a 15 year old female and they typically leave Dad at this point in life to explore life and come back later. They said the impending D only compounds the loss of her in my life. * My attorney wrote W attorney a letter warning her that her client does not get to unilaterally set the custody schedule and filed the letter with the court. * I need to be more thankful. I read a lot of threads on this board with people being ill, losing work, not having a place to stay, being tortured wayyyy worse by their POS spouses.
Pro's this week -------------------- went to church, working a night shift at the station, eating pretty well, started shopping on Craigslist for replacement furniture once she takes hers away and I got invited to some joint friends house to hang out with this Saturday!
I am going t try to go to a Meetup social gathering tomorrow night that's near my house. Is it me or do married people not seem to want to do much with single/separated/divorce people? LOL.
Con's this week --------------------- I'm still dependent on female validation. Hung out with that girl from a few months back. We have really good conversation and she's good company. I am starting to see that we are eachother's band aids and this isn't good. She isn't coming with me on Saturday night.
I've leveled with her that I am not ready for a relationship and she seems to understand.
* Well, I am doing a great job at detaching. I don't call/txt/email at all and, if I must, its only txt about the kids or the dog. I will say though that hearing from her at all brings my anxiety back to like post BD levels and I avoid her like the plague. Sometimes it hits me at like 4am and I can't go back to sleep. This happened today! I know she will be moving out of our neighborhood soon, and I am just wondering how life will be. * That anxiety is previously mentioned is just relentless.... * The kids are maintaining their distance. I often text them that I love them and 75% of the time, I don't hear anything back. This, in my mind, is harder than losing my W!! I have been validating whatever feeligs they share with me, which happens rarely. A few of my friends have reminded me that D15 is a 15 year old female and they typically leave Dad at this point in life to explore life and come back later. They said the impending D only compounds the loss of her in my life. * My attorney wrote W attorney a letter warning her that her client does not get to unilaterally set the custody schedule and filed the letter with the court. * I need to be more thankful. I read a lot of threads on this board with people being ill, losing work, not having a place to stay, being tortured wayyyy worse by their POS spouses.
Pro's this week -------------------- went to church, working a night shift at the station, eating pretty well, started shopping on Craigslist for replacement furniture once she takes hers away and I got invited to some joint friends house to hang out with this Saturday!
I am going t try to go to a Meetup social gathering tomorrow night that's near my house. Is it me or do married people not seem to want to do much with single/separated/divorce people? LOL.
Con's this week --------------------- I'm still dependent on female validation. Hung out with that girl from a few months back. We have really good conversation and she's good company. I am starting to see that we are eachother's band aids and this isn't good. She isn't coming with me on Saturday night.
I've leveled with her that I am not ready for a relationship and she seems to understand.
Sorry you're going through this firemann.
I told WW no more calls or texts and to stick to emails about kids and finances. I have an in-house separation. I do get a lot of anxiety from WW - just knowing what she is doing makes me nervous and anxious and it's very hard to detach.
I have two D and one is 15, the other 14. They are both taking the separation badly.
Got a nice letter/reply from her attorney today. It basically said that I wasn't an involved father and me asking for custody seems like a ploy to better my case. The letter also mentioned the kids didn't want to be over due to me making disparaging remarks about my W, alcohol use and that I was late being home on a night I had to watch the kids.
I've completely stopped alcohol in front of my kids since November. Our relationship is basically non-existant.
I was pretty livid when I read it. I work 8 hours a day and commute 3 hours total and I've done that the last 12 years. I work a night or two a week as a firefighter. Outside of those hours, I was historically always extremely involved with my kids. It's amazing how things get spun in the divorce process to basically smear your name. I may have been out of the house working 12 hrs a day, but it afforded our family a great life and allowed my W to work part time to be home for the kids.
Guess what, she still only works part time. I seriously feel like she's holding on to the kids in effort to max out her potential future child support payments.
Short of that, she and I don't talk at all. We attended our son's athletic event this weekend and sat entirely apart. I am full blown LRT. Have a busy week this week with lawyer paperwork and fire dept continuing education.
More than anything else in the world, I really miss seeing my kids...
Remember that this lawyer has a financial interest in making this a knock down, drag out fight. He is using language to provoke you, and you are responding just as he hoped. DETACH! Do not give his words power over you. Think and act, don't feel and react.
Talk to your lawyer, you need the kids too. Your W does not have carte blanche over the kids and where they go.
The lawyer sure doesn't speak for your kids either so don't buy any of the crap you read there.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
I read that firemann and it almost made me laugh with disgust. Classic smear campaign in an attempt to get as much custody as possible to get as much child support payment as possible. Of course your ex-wife's lawyer knows your relationship between you and your children better than you do for one, number 2.. a lawyer cannot legally or ethically coerce a child to take sides in a custody case without testimony as long as they're of age to give such. I would make several copies of that letter and use a couple of them for toilet paper. Might make you feel better. I have met a couple of attorneys over the last six months and I can tell you this....they're only interested in discussing with you how much they can get out of the case between the assets and liabilities. If your ex-wife willing to spend the dollar to chase a dime, because of slick mouth attorney is promising her something in her interest, you better be prepared to spend at least 20 grand an hourly consults in a custody fight.
Had a txt convo with the W yesterday. She said she is going to tell the kids she's going out of town and that they need to stay with me. She has been reiterating serveral times that she wants them to be OK in staying with me. She hadn't realize I reached out to them so much over the past two weeks.
She stated she wasn't sure where she was going to go out of town. I said "that's fine, I hope you have fun with whatever you chose. The kids and I will have a blast"
At the end of the convo, she asked to make sure I get home on time for them on Fri. As much as I wanted to say "I was late ONCE in SEPT", I stated "I will and appreciate your efforts in making them feel more comfortable".
I closed bysaying that I have always been a hands on dad, that I never missed a dance lesson of my D15 nor a gymnastic match of S12. That we chose together to buy a house further away from where I work to give the other 3 a better life. I was contradicting everything her [censored] lawyer wrote in that letter.
W replied "Yes, I know" W then replied "It's been hard on me too. Very hard" I responded "Yes, I get that and I can see how you feel that way 100% now" <-- validation I ** wanted to say** - "What if I took a job that paid less but was closer to home? What if we went out on a date." I feel like all of our problems could be solved if we'd both engage at the same time to try to fix them. Soooo frustrating. I know, I know, cheeseless tuneel and she doesn't want to hear any of that...
So I'm stoked I get to see my kids this weekend! What am I going to do? Validation!! Listen and mirror their words! Do whatever fun things they want to do and not talk about the D even once. I cant wait to see them!!!
You are doing well. She knows, she just doesn't wanna hear from you right now. And since you know that, you decided not to do something that you knew would be an immediate emotional negative. That is progress my man. Enjoy your kids this weekend.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
