what DB approaches are right for me?

[Pommy99]

That’s a great thing to watch! I have a new mantra!

[oceangrl]

Just watched most of it today. Man, it really takes rewiring your brain to adopt a new healthy outlook.

This morning, I felt like not getting out of bed. Limbo, being unwanted for so long, is hard. It is draining and exhausting. But I sat and looked out the window and started "talking" to myself. That I would be okay. That I will be happy. That I cannot see my worth based on his view of my worth. That I cannot validate myself through him. I try to use words like "empower" and "opportunity." I pray a lot. It is a constant fight right now. It's nice to see here that I am not the only one doing the same thing every day, although I am sorry we all have to do it!

[Pommy99]

Just watched most of it today. Man, it really takes rewiring your brain to adopt a new healthy outlook.

This morning, I felt like not getting out of bed. Limbo, being unwanted for so long, is hard. It is draining and exhausting. But I sat and looked out the window and started "talking" to myself. That I would be okay. That I will be happy. That I cannot see my worth based on his view of my worth. That I cannot validate myself through him. I try to use words like "empower" and "opportunity." I pray a lot. It is a constant fight right now. It's nice to see here that I am not the only one doing the same thing every day, although I am sorry we all have to do it!

Hi OG I have had a bad day too, I’m thinking of you ! You are worth far more and you know it, but it’s hard , I know how bad you feel right now. I can’t offer any DB tips - leave that to the experts- but as far as feeling your pain, I’m with you. I don’t know why we hold out for people who show us no love, respect, etc. It’s not making much sense right now! Keep believing in yourself and remember how awesome you are!

[oceangrl]

Just watched most of it today. Man, it really takes rewiring your brain to adopt a new healthy outlook.

This morning, I felt like not getting out of bed. Limbo, being unwanted for so long, is hard. It is draining and exhausting. But I sat and looked out the window and started "talking" to myself. That I would be okay. That I will be happy. That I cannot see my worth based on his view of my worth. That I cannot validate myself through him. I try to use words like "empower" and "opportunity." I pray a lot. It is a constant fight right now. It's nice to see here that I am not the only one doing the same thing every day, although I am sorry we all have to do it!

Hi OG I have had a bad day too, I’m thinking of you ! You are worth far more and you know it, but it’s hard , I know how bad you feel right now. I can’t offer any DB tips - leave that to the experts- but as far as feeling your pain, I’m with you. I don’t know why we hold out for people who show us no love, respect, etc. It’s not making much sense right now! Keep believing in yourself and remember how awesome you are!

Thank you so much for your support and kindness! These days are hard. But rather than drowning in the sucking hole of discouragement, I am trying so hard to rewire my brain and do things differently. Its such a good question you asked -- why do we hold out for people who show us no love, respect, etc. It's something I've been really thinking about. What an I worth? I think what i do like about so many of the tips here is that it helps us find our self-respect again. I mean, how would my H ever respect me if I don't respect myself? If I am okay with being nothing more than a Plan B, and settling for crumbs of love that get thrown out here and there. I've been doing this exact thing for three years. Which is a little embarrassing.

We live in the same house, sleep in the same bed, but there is little affection. We talk, etc, and he helps with the kids and around the house. But he definitely has an emotional wall built up that he will not let me near. I have been throwing myself against this wall over and over, no matter how it beats my body up. But I am finally realizing that I can only control myself and my feelings. And my happiness. I've been working hard on being pleasant but not pursuing. I am determined to keep going, no matter how scary and new it can be.

[SteveLW]

Just watched most of it today. Man, it really takes rewiring your brain to adopt a new healthy outlook.

This morning, I felt like not getting out of bed. Limbo, being unwanted for so long, is hard. It is draining and exhausting. But I sat and looked out the window and started "talking" to myself. That I would be okay. That I will be happy. That I cannot see my worth based on his view of my worth. That I cannot validate myself through him. I try to use words like "empower" and "opportunity." I pray a lot. It is a constant fight right now. It's nice to see here that I am not the only one doing the same thing every day, although I am sorry we all have to do it!

Great job.

Listen to some Kelly Clarkson. Since U Been Gone is a good one!

[FlySolo]

You're doing great OG. I second Steves suggestion re listening to music - I set up a playlist of songs which I could scream at the top of my lungs (when he wasn't there of course). My girls and I would jump around the kitchen or sing (mostly out tune). I found Praying a really good one and anything by the Eurythmics.

Stand up comedy is good too - when I was really down and needed to laugh.

[wooba]

Listen to some Kelly Clarkson. Since U Been Gone is a good one!

Lol!! Also “I don’t think about you” is good too. I also listen to Jhene Aiko.

[Pommy99]

Thank you so much for your support and kindness! These days are hard. But rather than drowning in the sucking hole of discouragement, I am trying so hard to rewire my brain and do things differently. Its such a good question you asked -- why do we hold out for people who show us no love, respect, etc. It's something I've been really thinking about. What an I worth? I think what i do like about so many of the tips here is that it helps us find our self-respect again. I mean, how would my H ever respect me if I don't respect myself? If I am okay with being nothing more than a Plan B, and settling for crumbs of love that get thrown out here and there. I've been doing this exact thing for three years. Which is a little embarrassing

I reflected last night on how my H would feel if our daughter were in this situation; that our daughter was the W (me) and my H had to stand back and watch another man treat his daughter in the way H is treating me. He would be pretty upset, I am sure. He would find the other man’s behaviour unacceptable and would encourage our D to step up and show strength and self-respect, not be treated like a doormat. He would tell her she deserves better. I know I need to be that strong self-respecting person that he would encourage our D to be.

[firemann]

Momento Mori.

I loved this video, R2C. Thanks for posting it!!

[oceangrl]

You're doing great OG. I second Steves suggestion re listening to music - I set up a playlist of songs which I could scream at the top of my lungs (when he wasn't there of course). My girls and I would jump around the kitchen or sing (mostly out tune). I found Praying a really good one and anything by the Eurythmics.

Stand up comedy is good too - when I was really down and needed to laugh.

I love music, so this is a great reminder! Getting my body to move definitely helps. I notice today I did pretty great most of the day, and then I just have an hour where it feels so freaking hard. I question everything I'm doing and feel hopeless. So then I came here, and I'm doing my best to pick myself back up. Thanks for all your support!