Midlife wife crisis13

[LITB]

Hey Wolfman,

Do you really know what you want? Couldn't that post have waited until the D is finalized? It was about being happy, but you just invited a bunch of drama into your life. What has your attention now?

I did something similar, so I get it. Slow down man. Maybe a good idea to get off social media for awhile. You don't need validation from the world about being happy.

Before posting, did you consider what might come of it?

[DejaVu6]

Sorry Wolf. I stay FAR AWAY from making any comments about my personal life on Facebook. You never know how it is going to be perceived by others. Her reaction was probably fairly predictable when you really think about it. Yes...She wanted a divorce...so this is what she set herself up for. But...remember...she wanted a divorce because in her mind, you were a crap husband who didn’t show her love and affection, took her for granted, etc... She has a whole story in her head that it is all about you and not about her at all. Your declaration on FB tells her, and anybody else who is reading, that it is, in fact, all about her because you are perfectly happy now. Do you see how that might come across? If you were in her position, how would you feel? Maybe you didn’t know it would send her off the deep end like this but when you posted that, you knew it would affect her in some way. It was a bit like rubbing her nose in it. Thankfully, my XH blocked me a long time ago so I never have to see any of his posts which, I’m sure, are pretty thoughtless as well. Also...mutual friends who are reading your post and not privy to the ins and outs of your M are probably not as happy for you as you would like to think. Many of them are probably thinking that you moved on relatively fast and rubbing XW’s nose in it and having some judgment about that. Not saying you don’t have every right to post that you are happy but just know that you are taking a risk when you do. (((HUGS)))

[Jac12]

Wolf - honestly it just seems like you are trying to throw things in her face. You need to think ahead a bit more.

This seems like a calculated move on your part.

[IHCLACS]

There is an old saying Wolf. "Never let the left hand know what the right hand is doing." Now if I remember correctly in your sich, not too long ago. (And yes I will find it.) That your XW accused you of seeing someone else because she heard through mutual friends. Give me the truth here. Were you seeing someone at that time when XW was accusing you of it? Now with that said. We all know people are going to hide $hit. Act like they are single... Keep to themselves. Not communicate their business, what they are doing where they are going in these situations.. Yada yada..No reason to broadcast it. Now. Refresh my memory. You are currently divorced and and divorce is finalized correct? At XW's initiative?
On one hand? What did she expect? Every one moves on at different paces. On the other hand. It does appear you are rubbing her nose in it and giving her, her family, and mutual friends all the confirmation they need to XW'S narrative of how you neglected her and made everything about you in the M. Im starting to wonder if the both of you have narcisstic tendencies. (Not full blown narcissism.) We all have these tendencies in certain areas of our lives. You are pouring gasoline on the fire my friend. Should have unfriended her on FB the minute you seperated. Unless she went looking for it. You should have definately had all your stuff and tools out before even attempting to broadcast stuff like that. What really concerns me in the long haul for you is, I know your happy with this other person right now. I hope you are growing. All of us are afraid here that you haven't taken the time alone and single to Introspect how you want your life to look, grow and change going forward. Especially in the area of relationships. Make sure you learn from your mistakes from R with XW. Or you are going to repeat the same behaviors in this one. WRITE THEM DOWN! RESOLVE TO WORK ON THEM EVERY DAY. It sounds like you are experiencing a retaliatory response from all the Ex's. Is it right? Is it wrong? Is it justified? Who knows? Everyone thinks differently. But YOU definately set youself up for it. So deal with it.

[AnotherStander]

Wolf, there's nothing wrong with being happy, you deserve that. And there's nothing wrong with posting about being happy on social media in general terms. But the specifics you posted did sound a bit like rubbing your W's nose in it. I know a couple that got into a "who's life is better" Facebook war that started out like this, the more they tried to convince everyone how great their lives were the less anyone believed it. It was not about their happiness, it was about revenge.

So by all means be happy. But try to avoid posting vindictive comments, or even comments that can be perceived by your W as vindictive. Hopefully you're not out for revenge, I would hope you are past that. But even if you are after revenge, living a great life is the best possible revenge you can get. Actions, not words.

[Wolfman]

I went to Norway with my GF the other day and I did not post anything about it. Went quietly without the ex knowing. It has been relatively quiet. Communication is a minimum. Only about the kids. Today my son had a basketball game. I sat next to my d and my ex sat on the other side of my d. My d got up and she moved next to me. Very little talk. But then she asked me. When I get my house and pick up the kids that I am suppose to bring the kids back to her. I said that is not in the settlement. She insisted it was. Just as she continued at started to get loud I said this is not the place or the time to talk about this. We can talk about this later. She said it’s never the time to talk to you. I said I am sorry we are not talking about this anymore we are here for our son. And the conversation stopped. Rhetorical question but why does she have to do this there. Do it through text. She likes to make a scene and I am tired of it. The reality is for the pickup it was an oversight in the settlement. Originally I was suppose to pick up the kids everyday and wait at her house till she got home on her days with them. But we switched that. It does say that I pick up the kids everyday and bring them back to my house. But nowhere does it say if I bring the kids to her or if she picks them up on her days. That was left out. She refuses to pick them up from my house which is only 10 minutes away. She we need to come up with a compromise. I was thinking pick them up get them in their house and leave. My d is 12 and s is 9. They would only be alone for 30 minutes before she got home. I will offer that up to her and see what she says.

[Wolfman]

Sorry I didn’t address everyone’s response. I guess I could have stayed off of FB. I very rarely go on there. I just blows me away how she can post things about me non stop. I never say anything to her about it or let her know I even see them. Oh and by the way I went to block her a long time ago and she blocked me. So her posts are people telling me which I usually say I don’t care to know. My post she has her friends report back to her. So either she tells them to or they love to start drama. Unfortunately I know there are some who were very jealous of our marriage and are loving that we are divorced and want to make sure it stays that way.

[ovrrnbw]

I'm not a fan of the text me mindset. I understand lots of divorced folks want a written record but you can't talk to her in person? It's ok if you can't, but why would you sit next to her then? You apparently know that she likes to make a scene so why join in on it?

A 12 year old and 9 year can watch themselves easily, and you guys should try to help each other in regards to the kids. I can see how you are both a bit agitated and prone to fighting though so maybe you can stop contributing to that, for your own sake.

Save the Facebook drama for someone else's mama.

I hope you heal and learn from this breakup so you don't repeat bad patterns.

[Wolfman]

I actually sat next to my d. Then she moved next to me. I like text because it’s just a record of the conversation. Sometimes I forget things when spoken to. I try not to say much to her at my sons games. Usually it’s just hi. I will be closing on my home in about a week. I am nervous about it because of the financial component. For the first time in my life I will be struggling financially. I have always been a saver but I will literally be counting each penny. Times like this make me angry that I have to start my life over. When I made sure we had a big home, no debt, living a very comfortable life and she took that all away. And why? Because he biggest complaint was I didn’t kiss her all the time. I was doing better for a long time but my depression is coming back. My GAL is going to slow down. I will not have money for anything. I guess a lot of board games with my kids or video games. Oh yeah occasionally a movie night. Sorry just need to vent. I feel myself sinking again when I have come so far.

I have read numerous times on here how it took many months for the WW spouse to “snap” out of it or start to realize what they did was wrong. I can honestly say that won’t happen in my situation.

[SteveLW]

Never say never.

I've seen stories of WWs that went back and I apologized and wanted to get back together after leaving their Hs, marrying the OM, and many many years have passed. It happens.