I went 2 days without texting or emailing her, but texted her and said Good Morning, how ya doing.. Then we talked about a few things unrelated to us or our situation via text, as I am overseas. It wasnt real difficult.. I do see, after reading how DBusting works and many threads on tactics, that she did the 180 for some time on me and was GAL, but it was for her, not to reconcile with me.. After her EA thing, and me finding out, everything came to light on us.. But, now, I need to as what is being suggested here. Its made her a somewhat stronger more independent woman. I am very independent, but still have havent fully accepted the marriage as dissolving yet.
Not sure I am following this. She is the one DBing?
Actually this is fairly common occurrence for them to detach and get out and get a life.
This is what I see she did a long time ago.. But, I dont think she was looking for reconciling more than just getting a life and moving on..... So her path was just moving on.
I was re-reading some notes I took, and boy, some of the things she says correlate to many peoples posts here.. I wont go into depth, but emotions are definitely more important to women when it comes to being in love.. Looks are not as important, important, but not the most. The ILYBANILWY speech should be taken to heart and worked immediately if your spouse ever says it to you. And trust, when she states she will never let trust someone ever again that put a hurt on her heart.. Listen and take it a serious sign things are over. Not sure how anyone recovers from that.
So my take on the WAS' actions isn't about GAL and detachment, as much as it is about MOVING ON WITH LIFE and UNPLUGGING. Very different concepts. GAL and detachment are about focusing on you but not giving up on your marriage. WASs start with giving up on the marriage. They aren't so much DBing as they Marriage Busting. They want out (at least they think they do).
But I think it is important to remember there is a difference in disengaging and detachment. The WAS disengages. The LBS should be detaching.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Seldom do I read the first few posts from a newbie, without reading how much they love their spouse.
Yet, here I am...... What is it about THIS relationship, that you want so much ?? What is it that is driving you so hard to save this ?? Is it.. Love ?? Guilt ?? Obligation ?? Familiarity ??
Reality is I want a second chance.. I really love this women. She and I have discussed my failures in the marriage, and hers. She has forgiven me for all but one.. So she says. Doesnt mean we are getting back, and I am not dealing with hopium.. I had an epiphany the other day as to what she has become after we separated.. She has become the women I envisioned when I married her years ago. But, I know, I am moving on, detaching and GAL. I sometimes will put my thoughts to the thread.. Hope that is alright..
I had an epiphany the other day as to what she has become after we separated.. She has become the women I envisioned when I married her years ago.
That could mean a lot of different things....
Its just me paying attention to her changes. When I first met her she was a workaholic, raising her first child by herself. No state help, nothing. Just worked and put herself through school and had a 3 jobs. When we got married, we decided it was best for her not to work due to cost of living, lack of pay for her work, in Hawaii. She became a stay at home Mom. Not making her out to be a something she is not, but after seeing what she has become, I just noticed it. I wont share it with her, it was me observing something about her. When she has a problem, she is not a lazy person. She puts 100% into whatever she has to do to get it done.
So my take on the WAS' actions isn't about GAL and detachment, as much as it is about MOVING ON WITH LIFE and UNPLUGGING. Very different concepts. GAL and detachment are about focusing on you but not giving up on your marriage. WASs start with giving up on the marriage. They aren't so much DBing as they Marriage Busting. They want out (at least they think they do).
But I think it is important to remember there is a difference in disengaging and detachment. The WAS disengages. The LBS should be detaching.
That makes sense... So many dynamics happening.. Hard to understand sometimes, especially when I dont have the book on hand.. I will soon. Only positive thing we have going on is we are amicable, and she actually stated she has noticed changes for the positive.. Other than, its a long journey. WIsh we had seen, or she had seen, divorce busting and got us both involved in solving our marriage issues and realized it was solvable.
So my take on the WAS' actions isn't about GAL and detachment, as much as it is about MOVING ON WITH LIFE and UNPLUGGING. Very different concepts. GAL and detachment are about focusing on you but not giving up on your marriage. WASs start with giving up on the marriage. They aren't so much DBing as they Marriage Busting. They want out (at least they think they do).
But I think it is important to remember there is a difference in disengaging and detachment. The WAS disengages. The LBS should be detaching.
That makes sense... So many dynamics happening.. Hard to understand sometimes, especially when I dont have the book on hand.. I will soon. Only positive thing we have going on is we are amicable, and she actually stated she has noticed changes for the positive.. Other than, its a long journey. WIsh we had seen, or she had seen, divorce busting and got us both involved in solving our marriage issues and realized it was solvable.
Since You don't have the book, I see you mention her noticing your changes. That's great! However, one thing that is key to DBing is you don't break two principles:
1) Never ever point out to her directly, "Look at the changes I am making!" 2) Never purposely demonstrate your changes to her. (IE, just make them part of who you are and she will take note).
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
