A parallel universe II

[DS9]

If I remember your step kids were older so I would error on the side of truth. You don't have to give them all the details of your life but you can be truthful and answer each question. You seem to be a great person and really working on becoming the best "you" possible, so showing and telling this to your step kids will only get back to W and reveal what

Yeah, they're older - early 20's.

I suppose I was dreading the question because I never thought I'd have to be in a position where I would have to answer something like that. The step kids knew I was always going to be a rock for them despite the sometimes tempestuous ups and downs we had, and they always knew that I was their step dad no matter what. I suppose it just felt weird being asked that question.

Gotta keep DBing, taking the high road, and being the machine til it becomes natural.

I may be thousands of miles away but I am cheering you on. I believe in you.

I heard Landslide come over the store radio when I was shopping the other day and felt emotional, so I know I'm not there yet.

I am not sure I ever want to be there. This to me is what makes me different than my XW and shows that I can truly love. I want to feel emotional but not be overwhelmed by it.
[/quote]

Thanks man, it means a lot that you believe in me! I'm gonna keep being the DB machine til I die!

DB skills are life skills too I feel. Going through my sitch, and what I've learned here with all these great people, is that the education system needs to give serious consideration to teaching our children communication skills, and basic psychology/self development/personal improvement skills as well. I knew nothing - not only did I know nothing, but I was taught through my own experiences as a kid all the wrong things about emotions, reactions, sub conscious behaviours, and all those other things that shape how we are as adults.

Haha yeah I do get emotional over songs and most movies! What I meant was the feelings that that song stirs in me.

That was a great response. If you do start dating then don't lie to him, but don't gush on and on about your new GF either. Despite your W not wanting you, she will likely become extremely jealous if and when you start dating. She may very well try to block you from seeing her kids just to spite you. So be very careful about disclosing dating info to her or the kids.

Thanks AS that's wise advice - I'll be mindful of that. Frankly, I think SS would welcome me finding someone. He told me a few months ago I deserve someone better than his mum, and he hoped I found someone.


[quote=AnotherStander]

Don't go jumping into a new R too quickly, but do go have fun and enjoy yourself and mingle and flirt and start getting your mojo back!

That's exactly what I plan to do. Have some fun and mingle with other people. Haha mojo! Yeah, I'm getting there.

[rooskers]

Just checking in DS and hoping things are going great for you.

[DS9]

Hey roo thanks for checking in buddy it means a lot to me. There’s been a few developments some good some bad, which may be a blessing in disguise. I’ll update more fully and come back to your thread as soon as I get a chance. Cheers ds

[DaB35]

Hi DS, just checking in and seeing how you're doing. Catch up soon.

[DS9]

Hi all,

Thought I'd better update. Guys, thanks again for checking up on me - my DB brothers!

What's been happening?

I went to the Meetup thingy and it was boring. I got some messages after the event from ladies I didn't know were there who wanted to meet me, but they were too young for me so I politely declined. In the face of this interest, I still struggle with realising my worth, but I'm getting better and tell myself I'm a high value guy with a lot to give. Frankly too, I'd been thinking about an old flame I'd reconnected with online.

I think I mentioned that I reconnected online with a lady I dated in high school. She was my first girlfriend and my first kiss - indeed the first girl I fell for when i started at my new high school. We discovered each other again by accident a few years after high school, and dated for a few months, til she let me go and drifted away. We were so young still.

We went on a couple of catchups over the weekend and finally met each other IRL. It was a revelation. She hadn't changed from all I remember of her all those years ago. She is shyish, highly intellectual, creative, understated, elegant and slightly left field, without artifice or false bravado. We stayed out til early in the morning both times (and frankly could've spent hours more together), catching up on our lives. She talked, I listened, which is the way I like it anyway. Turns out she had thought of me a lot since we last saw each other 20 plus years ago, and was so thrilled when we reconnected online. I got the sense she had never quite expunged me from her life. She also remembered my 'floppy hair' and the unique hi top shoes that I wore as I got on the school bus the first time she ever saw me! She still has the smouldering eye roll she gives when I compliment her, which I remember from all those years ago too. There was a connection. So many similarities, the most bizarre being the very obscure songs we both love (and I mean obscure!).

The intellectual attraction is huge, as is the physical. Anyway, we went out twice, and I felt no discomfort in letting her pay for some of the food and drinks (thanks R2C). We're catching up again in a fortnight, as we live a little bit apart and logistics with kids. We're also planning on attending some cultural and comedy events together.

The universe works in strange ways, so let's see what the universe plans with this one (3rd time's the charm?). I believe things happen for a reason. Everything's Zen. I'm allowing myself to be happy and not feeling guilty about it. Thoughts?

I've been made redundant at work. I've decided I'm going to take some time off before I get a new job. I wasn't entirely happy with my line of work. I am good at it, but the grind of doing it for so many years wears you down mentally. Maybe I'll do something more creative and artistic, or something different. It's not just about the money, is it. Who knows, I might even talk further with the guys down at the local craft bar about their informal offer to buy into a share of same - pouring craft beers whilst dispensing sagacious counsel might be just the change I need haha!

I haven't seen much of XW - maybe twice in the last few weeks. She was at my home the other day dropping my son as I arrived from work. She gave me a big grin as she left, waving, which was nice. The next day though she was angry, calling me to see when I was coming home and ranting as her remote for my my garage wasn't working and they couldn't get in (my son stayed with her during the day as he was ill and off school, organised between S and XW). I listened calmly and told her I understood how she felt, was sorry she felt that way, and appreciated she had our S for the day. I stay away from the unpredictable vortex and dispel the hold she once had.

My MIL called me a couple of times wanting to see how I am and to catch up for lunch. Her talk turned to XW. Turns out they're still not on speaking terms, though I thought they'd patched things up. I feel as though she almost wants me to join in criticising my XW's decision and what she's doing and venting with her, but I don't engage - just listen and validate.

I've been invited to a river boating thingy with some buddies in May so that'll be good. Tennis is still on my radar and I'm getting better, and played with SD again recently. Got my new mountain bike, and going to see a concert in April with my favourite 90's alt rock groups. Home gym is going well and I'm happy with my strength and physical changes.

Cheers DS

[AnotherStander]

Sounds like you're doing awesome! Nice job on not letting your XW draw you into a fight, great job of validating and diffusing the situation! Good luck with the new lady, she sounds like a good contender

[DS9]

Thanks AS

I'm feeling quietly confident about my future.

Thanks for the good luck wishes. She is mate, and if I'm to be brutally honest with myself, there was probably always an ember there as I knew deep down there was unfinished business with her, but I would never act on it due to my values. Also, she is actually the only contender now. I've closed all other avenues to other women being in contention as I want to see how this develops - it's just my style of doing things and part of my value system and honour code.

Thanks mate, DS