MLC partner ? opinions plz ? - long post apology

[MrBrside]

LH, I think it is approaching impossible to say someone respects you even if they cheat on you. Just my opinion.

I agree with you that's its tough but not impossible. You have never hid the fact on the board that you and your W have had affairs. Would you say you respect one another?

During the EAs, I would say no. For me my lack of respect was certainly pent up frustrations resulting in resentment. And I think the same for her. Her actions during her EA at the end of 2017 definitely showed a lack of respect since she was not willing to end it even after I discovered it and confronted. I certainly think that a WAS can still respect their LBS, but I think that a WS always has a lack of respect for the LBS.

interesting how mindsets work. I would never say i was resentful for long, but just before EA1 it did cross my mind to end it with the WW. I had gone though 6 weeks of her barely noticing me and just sitting on her phone every night. Now i know her mind was elsewhere. I think it was the holiday in Majorca that kind of got us temporarily back on track ( and she wasnt messaging / at work EA1) However, i never in all them 6 weeks or on previous occassions of her threats / emotional blackmails once felt the need to look elsewhere. My mindset just never functioned that way, yet hers obviosuly did.

[LH19]

Interesting - hence the reason i bumped my post. I know my WW resents me - but again, she has mentioned the Respect word on 2 occassions - yet she cheated.. so its a tricky one.

There are so many things at play here and sometimes it just equates to the perfect storm. Attachments styles, hormones, chance opportunities, childhood issues the human brain in general. Studies show 40-49 year old human are the most unhappiest people on the planet.

[SteveLW]

Interesting - hence the reason i bumped my post. I know my WW resents me - but again, she has mentioned the Respect word on 2 occassions - yet she cheated.. so its a tricky one.

There are so many things at play here and sometimes it just equates to the perfect storm. Attachments styles, hormones, chance opportunities, childhood issues the human brain in general. Studies show 40-49 year old human are the most unhappiest people on the planet.

Agree 100%. Most affairs result from a confluence of factors.

[MrBrside]

Hi,

Well its been a long time since I logged on / visited this community.

I was just going through my bookmarks spotted this link to my thread.

Its coming up to 6 years since I found out about the other guys, but it feels like a lifetime ago.

I just reread some of my initial posts and I sound like a desperate man.

That’s what the WW does though – your world can turn upside down in a few days or weeks.

Thankfully this forum really gave some amazing advise or perspective

I genuinely do think this forum and the “Dads Starting Over website” set me in the direction for a positive new life.

That life is great.

I’m doing things now I just couldn’t do when with the WW – I’m back to my hobby of restoring cars and work out a lot.

I’ve been with my current partner for over 2 years and it’s a very positive relationship. We have a date night every 2 weeks and focus on quality time when together (we don’t live together as she has her own children).

My eldest daughter ( 13 ) experienced the same things I mentioned in earlier posts from the WW / her mother… Irrational behavior, threats , always being blamed for things.

The courts ordered mediation to give D13 a voice and the WW went full scale attack on D13 because she was vocal about seeing me an extra day a week.

The threats / blackmail / guilt tripping from WW got so bad that D13 told the mediators she wanted to live with me, not her mum – D13 moved in with me in June and doesn’t see her mother – her mother just pushes her further away by her actions and threats – Always D13 fault – never hers. The same actions that I experienced.

The knock on effect of how WW treated D13 has caused a further issues – WW now no longer speaks to her own mother and has limited contact with her sisters due to her actions.

D13 is thriving though and is very very happy – we are loving life together.

WW got back with OM3 and they got engaged last month – and are getting married in 2 weeks – Although WWs mum, WWs sisters and D13 won’t be at the wedding – I just leave them to it and keep the interactions to a minimal.

Unfortunately WW will be in my life for about another 10 years until my youngest is older, but I just crack on, and for the most part there is minimal drama.


So for the LBS still here – life is what you make of it – Yes it is scary and you will focus on the negative. But you have the choice of how you behave and act – You have a choice of what to focus on and things will get better in most cases if you focus on you. You cant control the WW, but you can control your future.

And to all the people who gave me advise all them years ago – thankyou 😊