DS I like the poem and found it interesting how you used a tree to represent your relationship. I used something similar with D14 about our family being a forest and D14 said "she burned the entire forest to the ground and it is gone." I told her the death of one forest is the nutrients and soil for a new one. I also use to write poetry and took a couple of classes in college. D14 and I are thinking about starting some Bonsai in our home. We have a starter kit and I have been devouring youtube videos about it. I am hoping it will make the house look nice and provide me something calm and relaxing to do. You are doing great.
1st BD December 26, 2008 PA admitted to by XW December 29, 2008
2nd BD May 23, 2019 Daughter confirms EA Divorce Finalized July 18, 2019
DS I like the poem and found it interesting how you used a tree to represent your relationship. I used something similar with D14 about our family being a forest and D14 said "she burned the entire forest to the ground and it is gone." I told her the death of one forest is the nutrients and soil for a new one. I also use to write poetry and took a couple of classes in college. D14 and I are thinking about starting some Bonsai in our home. We have a starter kit and I have been devouring youtube videos about it. I am hoping it will make the house look nice and provide me something calm and relaxing to do. You are doing great.
Hey Roo
Nice to hear from you buddy. Glad you enjoyed the poem. I chose the tree and a forest as metaphors for our R/M and the forest being our lives. That was an excellent metaphor you used with your daughter. I find my way of thinking and understanding is very metaphor driven.
Hope you get back into poetry mate. I used to write and freestyle rap songs as a kid and teenager, so got the hang of rhyming there.
It's so uncanny you mention bonsai! I was in the plant nursery yesterday and was choosing some to buy. I make terrariums, so was going to make one with bonsai. Check out Kokedama and Japanese terrariums. You could even make a fish tank with your daughter too. I get large (about 10 litre) glass bowls/cylinders and use these. You can have a beta fish/siamese fighting fish without need for a water aerator. If you plan on using dead wood as decoration, I get mine from the sea shore as it's very interesting to look at. Make sure you soak in fresh water for at least a day to leach the salt out.
Have fun!
Originally Posted by neffer
Thanks for that DS. It made me tear a little...as usual.
Keep DB man!
Hey Nef, no worries mate. Sounds like it struck an emotional chord with you. It was emotional writing it that's for sure.
Yeah mate, I'm going to keep DBing. I just got to stay the course and hold firm.
Cheers DS
Me: early 40's XW: nearly 50 T: 15 M: 5 BD: Jan 19 S:10 SS: 22 SD: 24
Methinks something is coalescing within. Inspired writings, especially poems, have their wellspring from deep inside. Let it flow. Find the pure sweet source.
May the river of your inspiration feed the forest of your life.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
Thank you DnJ - glad you enjoyed it. Thank you for the inspiration. I may never have thought of this if I didn't read your thread.
Thank you Wooba - I'm grateful for the compliments and look forward to reading your work if you decide to share it with the forum.
I've written something else. I was reminded of when I left the home all those months ago. I think this one captures how I felt at the time when I shut the door for the final time upon leaving...
One last time we close the door, As we turn our back to love, And emotions flood our senses, Recalling happier times before.
The door was opened many times, To warmth, to love, to life. But the door is locked, and all that's gone, Cut out coldly with a knife.
The rush of steps, a warm embrace, Now sand between our fingers. Deep brown eyes, an elfin face, Fond recollection lingers.
Where hands once touched, They now recoil. Dark eyes of a stranger stare, Cutting words are all that's left, and permeate the air.
And one last time we close the door, To that which was, now gone. Whispered memories of "Ti amo", Clash with hope, forlorn.
Descending stairs, we look outside, And all else seems the same The sun still sets, the moon will rise, Parallel universe in frame.
The door clicks shut, lock slides in place, Just as we turn around. The key, once freely given, Now nowhere to be found.
Head bowed low we leave this place, Of contradicting plot. That which was will never be, And what it seems, is not.
The door, the key, the stairs, the sun, All conflate in our mind. Confusion reigns and anarchy rules, In the land of left behind.
Sometimes there is no answer, As to why they closed the door. And even if there is one, It hardly matters anymore.
For us who walk the lonely path, In the land of left behind, There is one truth worth noting, To which I will remind.
The key one needs is still nearby, So close, but what to do? Search yourself, until you find, The key to cut is you.
The key they took is lost for now, their door is just too far, They may come one day, If they find their way, And you leave your door ajar.
Cheers DS
Me: early 40's XW: nearly 50 T: 15 M: 5 BD: Jan 19 S:10 SS: 22 SD: 24
Thanks mate. Appreicate the kind words. I'm actually working on two more poems at the moment.
Anyway, life for me chugs on.
Saw SD over the weekend for a catch up and some tennis and dinner. Lots of questions about what I've been doing, who I'm going to places with, and the one I've been dreading - are you in a relationship. I said I'm just focussing on myself at the moment.
Anyone here have step kids to their ex spouse? How did the relationship with the step kids go? How did you handle these types of questions?
Thankfully, no pushback whatsoever from XW since the storage shed saga and the veiled threat. Havent seen her lately, but there's been a few texts asking if I wanted other minor things, which I replied with a short 'no thanks'.
Lengthy sms from her about another holiday, this time with S. There was no question, so I didn't respond. I sms afterwards with a request for her to do the changeover. Immediate response, indicating she always does, and a smiley face - haven't seen one since I can remember.
No mention of divorce incidentally.
I still see myself as the ghost - the metaphor I posted some months ago - I'm there in the shadows, always there for the kids, for the family, but not (unconditionally) for her.
I'm buying a new mountain bike with dual shocks, as I'm getting into off road riding and mine is a hardtail. I like the Scott Spark 960. Or maybe a Polygon?
I finally joined Meetup a couple of days ago, in a singles group. There's a Valentines Day singles party which I'll be attending. I'm actually excited. A dress in pink theme, so lucky I've got some pink shirts I can wear - matching pink slacks would be too much.
Gotta keep DBing, taking the high road, and being the machine til it becomes natural. I heard Landslide come over the store radio when I was shopping the other day and felt emotional, so I know I'm not there yet. Landslide was the song she kept playing after BD.
Hope everyone is doing ok.
Thanking everyone for their continued support and lending an ear.
Cheers DS
Me: early 40's XW: nearly 50 T: 15 M: 5 BD: Jan 19 S:10 SS: 22 SD: 24
Anyone here have step kids to their ex spouse? How did the relationship with the step kids go? How did you handle these types of questions?
If I remember your step kids were older so I would error on the side of truth. You don't have to give them all the details of your life but you can be truthful and answer each question. You seem to be a great person and really working on becoming the best "you" possible, so showing and telling this to your step kids will only get back to W and reveal what she lost. Why did you dread the question on whether you were in a relationship or not? I thought your answer was perfect.
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Gotta keep DBing, taking the high road, and being the machine til it becomes natural.
I may be thousands of miles away but I am cheering you on. I believe in you.
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I heard Landslide come over the store radio when I was shopping the other day and felt emotional, so I know I'm not there yet.
I am not sure I ever want to be there. This to me is what makes me different than my XW and shows that I can truly love. I want to feel emotional but not be overwhelmed by it.
1st BD December 26, 2008 PA admitted to by XW December 29, 2008
2nd BD May 23, 2019 Daughter confirms EA Divorce Finalized July 18, 2019
Saw SD over the weekend for a catch up and some tennis and dinner. Lots of questions about what I've been doing, who I'm going to places with, and the one I've been dreading - are you in a relationship. I said I'm just focusing on myself at the moment.
Anyone here have step kids to their ex spouse? How did the relationship with the step kids go? How did you handle these types of questions?
That was a great response. If you do start dating then don't lie to him, but don't gush on and on about your new GF either. Despite your W not wanting you, she will likely become extremely jealous if and when you start dating. She may very well try to block you from seeing her kids just to spite you. So be very careful about disclosing dating info to her or the kids.
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I still see myself as the ghost - the metaphor I posted some months ago - I'm there in the shadows, always there for the kids, for the family, but not (unconditionally) for her.
Perfect! Being invisible is the goal. No positive vibes or negative vibes, just no vibes, like you're not even there. You're removing yourself from the equation so she can A) figure out maybe you're not the problem after all and B) start to miss you.
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I'm buying a new mountain bike with dual shocks, as I'm getting into off road riding and mine is a hardtail. I like the Scott Spark 960. Or maybe a Polygon?
Sounds like a great GAL activity!
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I finally joined Meetup a couple of days ago, in a singles group. There's a Valentines Day singles party which I'll be attending. I'm actually excited. A dress in pink theme, so lucky I've got some pink shirts I can wear - matching pink slacks would be too much.
Yes, too much on the pants Don't go jumping into a new R too quickly, but do go have fun and enjoy yourself and mingle and flirt and start getting your mojo back!
