I feel better that this first meeting is out of the way. I guess for someone that actually wanted the D is expected a little bit more from her.
Well, you're forgetting a trait that's common among most WAS ... they expect that we will stay where they left us. You haven't. They created this insane narrative about us that has little to nothing to do with reality in order to justify leaving. Your ex just got slapped in the face with the reality of who you are and what she threw away.
I'm glad the meeting between the dr and the ex is out of the way as well. Should make things easier for you here on out. Just keep being you and enjoying the amazing life you've created from the ashes.
xoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
As usual, bttrfly makes the point I was trying to make yesterday in a far more succinct and eloquent way. XW just kind of assumed you would be sitting there, pining away alone while she went off foot loose and fancy free. She is concerned about how you will react to her bf because she is subconsciously measuring him against you (and as I said yesterday, he will NOT measure up...and not just because he's shorter). But, just as bttrfly said, now XW has to face the reality not only of what she gave up but that someone else has picked it up. The fact that it is a smoking hot doctor who treats you like a king has GOT to make it even that much harder for XW, not that you particularly care, nor should you because she made her bed and now she must lie in it.
Maybe I'm weird or just plain wrong, but I'm not sure why you expected one on one conversation between the XW and the doctor. What would be the point? I didn't have any conversation at all with my XH's new skanky wife when he introduced me. I shook her hand, said hello, and walked away. It was incredibly awkward, but that is a whole other story. I still have not had a conversation with her, but I have only been in her presence one other time and she acted like I wasn't even in the room, which was totally fine with me. I get that you want to have a conversation with the XW's bf, because if I'm not mistaken he lives with her and your girls, so I can see where you would want to put forth an effort to actually know that person, but you and the doc don't live together and while she sees your girls and will likely be their stepmother at some point, she does not have the same relationship to your girls as a non-live in gf as their mom's live in bf does. Does that make sense? Like I said, maybe I'm wrong, but I don't necessarily see anything wrong with the fact that they didn't have a one on one conversation.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Thanks everyone, a surreal moment for sure. In some aspects it is very liberating. Hard to put into words. I never intended to show her up or slap her in her face. If that is an out put of my own self discovery then so be it. I just took inventory of my weaknesses and sought to improve in those areas. Tbh.....I am a very blessed and lucky man as what i had to overcome was not a huge lift. Rather just some modifications here and there.
D.......I guess I expected the one who wanted the D to be all confident and wanting to meet and talk. I guess I would expect the one who didnt want the D, or the one who was cheated on to be angry and not want to have a conversation.
My situation it is reversed. Xw wanted the D, be happy, go have the conversation, talk, chat it up because you are the one that wanted out. I should be the angry one.
I get what you are saying. I just don't think your XW is confident. My situation is like yours. I was the one who was cheated on and I was the one who got dropped like a hot potato for someone else who was supposedly better. H3ll, maybe she IS better...don't know and don't care. Like you, I didn't get angry, I just moved on. My XH may feel exactly you and wonder why I didn't engage in conversation with his W, but I just don't feel like I need to. I'm over it. Now, granted, our situation is different in that we don't have young children so we don't have to talk to each other. We were able to totally separate and be away from each other where you have that link to your XW because of your girls.
I wasn't judging at all....was just curious as to why you expected that conversation.
Totally get what you mean about it being surreal, though...�..yeah.....totally.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
I didn't feel that way D money, I just assumed those like you and I that are the jilted ones would not want to talk and those that walked away would. He wasn't in the picture when we separated although he was when we got divorced. That said I would totally shake his hand and attempt to strike up a convo not like my xw did.
Just because she chose the divorce doesn�t mean she wants to be friends with your new Gf and have conversation. Wanting the divorce and striking conversation up with your new GF are mutually exclusive.
You know, in all the years, my ex has never kissed or held hands with his OW or really even touched her in my presence. And no one is probably more over their ex than me, but if they did I would find it weird. Might have been much for the ex.
TBH, no matter who�s choice, it�s always kind of awkward. Just because someone wanted the divorce doesn�t mean this stuff isn�t weird and an adjustment. It�s human nature.
As long as you could all be in the same room, great! I wouldn�t put any expectations any higher!
Makes sense.....the doc doesn't have a filter. Her touching me and kissing me is her normal default. I dont think she was going to do anything different. If anything it could have been a test. Doc is loyal and loves hard, it's just who she is.
