Journaling: --------------- Therpist meeting went really well. Therpist agreed to meet with my daughter this weekend in a special session. She stated the sitch was showing some signs of Parental Alientation Syndrome. I emailed my WAS a consent form to have my D15 interviewed and she agreed to it. I felt I clicked really good when I left therapy.
I got home after and just felt worse and worse. I finally felt isolated and in the abyss. It was like an elephant was sitting on me. After a while, I got up and went on a run. Came home and started feeling worse...went for a haircut and made a good lasagna at home. I just felt all of these crazy emotions - isolation, anger towards my WAS for all of this, thinking I'd never meet anyone again, sadness, just crushing sadness. I ended up cleaning all of the garbage out of my D15's room and laundering her bedding. Her room looked a world better when I was done. That "friend girl" (not girlfriend, LH19 ) called and inited me over, I respectfully declined. For once, i didn't reach out for an emotional life raft in a female! I just needed to spend time in the abyss.
Tonight I am writing a letter to the ex and not sending it. i am going to CrossFit. I am going to my son's gym meet on Saturday and taking pictures in hopes of getting a top notch one to enlarge. I have 3 firemen constantly in touch with me to make sure I don't jump off a cliff, as I've been having moments where I wanna do just that. I will go to church on Sunday.
I'm determined to show my family that the love of my kids in persistent, unconditional and cannot wait to be avalanched onto the kids when they feel the time is right. All of this is for them....my wants and needs matter not.
Firemann I hope you understand, I get on you because you are a lot like my WH, but less cheaty. I see all the potential of a great father there. All the potential of a self actualized person who is always striving to grow. But at the same time a man who fills holes with female company or other vices. A man that would rather blame others than be a real man and own his part, have enough humility to own his part out loud, and then make the effort to fix it. It's wonderful to see you making strides. You got this.
The only thing I'm going to say, is a good therapist doesn't arm chair diagnose people they haven't met themselves or have only met once. Be careful there. You know there is some merit to your daughter's concerns. Probably not all. But you two have a relationship. Parental Alienation is really about kids who have little to no contact and have a parent feeding them anxiety, fear, and anger. W seems like a handful, but not a scar my kids permanently to win handful. Seriously be very careful with this therapist.
Thank you guys. I will apologize and no longer burden my kids. I will be the positive rock that's good being solo and not add to an already stressful situation. I am grateful for your words and I will mentally chew on them today.
SUPER fireman!
Not sure how much time you are getting with your kids but "being there for them" can sometimes means not actually spending time with them. Be sure to do things they like when you have time, have fun, show them somethin you enjoy, teach them something. And turn your phone off (I have been doing that with mine when I have them and can really feel how I am catching some extra gold).
Me: 34 Stbxw: 30 D:5 D:3 Mini bd: May/June 2019 Married: Aug 2019 BD: 6th Dec 2019 OM Confirmed: Feb 2020 March 2020: I filed for D Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
I’m not perfect, but I also wasn’t the one who had an affair and stepped outside their marriage.
I **am** a great father. Please don’t compare me to a WH.
I know you are struggling firemann and I don't want to hit you when you’re down. I just hear so many people make comments about what a great mother or father they are - while abusing drugs and/or their kids, having no job, providing no shelter, protection, or food. You, thankfully are not close to being any of these. But based on your own statements and admissions, you are not a great father - yet. I only say that because if you think you already are it may prevent you from getting where you need to be. Great fathers don’t guilt or shame their children into spending time with them by claiming they are making them feel depressed, etc. they just don’t.
You’re not there yet buddy. I think you can get there but you need to start displaying the actions that make you a great father. Just thinking or saying it doesn’t cut it. Set out to become the great father you think you are. You’ll get there. Own it, it’s okay. The first step in solving most problems is admitting and identifying the problem exists first.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Therpist meeting went really well. Therpist agreed to meet with my daughter this weekend in a special session. She stated the sitch was showing some signs of Parental Alientation Syndrome. I emailed my WAS a consent form to have my D15 interviewed and she agreed to it. I felt I clicked really good when I left therapy.
Excellent, this is the way to handle this. D has a problem, rather than blame W you get D into therapy. Well done!
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I got home after and just felt worse and worse. I finally felt isolated and in the abyss. It was like an elephant was sitting on me. After a while, I got up and went on a run. Came home and started feeling worse...went for a haircut and made a good lasagna at home. I just felt all of these crazy emotions - isolation, anger towards my WAS for all of this, thinking I'd never meet anyone again, sadness, just crushing sadness. I ended up cleaning all of the garbage out of my D15's room and laundering her bedding. Her room looked a world better when I was done. That "friend girl" (not girlfriend, LH19 ) called and inited me over, I respectfully declined. For once, i didn't reach out for an emotional life raft in a female! I just needed to spend time in the abyss.
First of all, it's normal to have those feelings. They will come and go. Just remember it's not a reflection on you as a person, it is a reflection of the situation you're going through. Second, good job finding ways to occupy yourself. GAL is the answer, and running and cleaning house are maybe not great GAL activities since they are isolated, but they are still pretty good and WAY better than wallowing in self-despair. So again- good job!
In reading through your last thread you were getting clubbed pretty hard with some 2x4's. I think you know why, and acknowledge you needed it. But I do want you to know that you ARE doing a lot of things right too. When you make a mistake it's important not to dwell on it but to correct it, pick yourself up and keep moving forward.
Had a good weekend. My son did phenomenal at his gym meet (fifth overall in the state for his division). I avoided my ex while he was competing and just took a ton of pictures. I told him several times during the competition how proud I was of him.
My daughter is currently in therapy and I’m in the waiting room. She opted to stay home during my son’s gym meet yesterday. I apologized to her for dumping my feelings on to her and promised I wouldn’t do it again. She signed up to start taking firefighter classes this summer!! We talked some about her academic classes and her friends. I thanked her for taking the time to talk to a therapist today too.
I do have some female validation needs but they are starting to fade. I wanted to tell my ex she looked amazing yesterday but didn’t.
Since my ex and I began dating again 3 weeks ago, you probably are winning at the "How long can I go without female validation" contest. The time without dating was very helpful for me, though.
The time without dating was very helpful for me, though.