Newlywed and in limbo

[Ready2Change]

Hi FB,

Your English is very good. Is English your native language? Will the court be held in English or a different language?

[funbun]

Actually, now that I think about it, it’s actually a non-issue.

Emotions got the better of me I suppose.

As always, thanks Steve.

[funbun]

Ah *blush* thanks for saying that R2C. That makes my day better

English is my second language. The court hearing will be held in my native language, and it’s no big deal.

I wish I can tell you what language it is, but you know, can’t reveal too much info here.

[SteveLW]

Glad to see you are in a better place. Remember, if she ever decides she wants to R, getting D'd will not prevent that. However, you may be completely moved on by then.

[funbun]

Journaling

I am at a good place right now. Feeling at peace.

I've decided to take things slow. I thought about how busy I was for the past three years: work projects and wedding preparations. It's time I take a break from all of it. 2020 is the year for me to just chill. There is no rush, nothing to chase. I work on myself and find things that make me happy. At my own pace. I realized that I have done a lot of good work in those three years; I successfully completed all projects, and have proven to be a loving husband. I have nothing more to prove to anyone. Time to give myself some me-time.

I learned that gratitude and appreciation are key tenets to happiness. So I will start listing down three things that I appreciate and grateful for, on a daily basis. Starting today:

(1) Had a karaoke session with friends yesterday. That was a good stress relief.

(2) It's a lot quieter at work. Most of my colleagues are working at home because of the virus. W is also not at work, she is taking a two weeks leave. Out of sight, out of mind. Everything is at a slow and relaxed pace. No immediate deadlines. I can do work peacefully.

(3) Went out for breakfast with colleagues. Had a good 1 hour chat with them. Productive? No. Enjoyable? Yes. lol.

Our wedding photographer contacted me yesterday. He said our wedding photo album should be done and delivered by next month. I don't know what I'll do with the album. Saw the preview photos though, they were nice.

That's all for today

[funbun]

Journaling

Things I appreciate or bring happiness:

(1) Off work today. A lot of free time. I basically slept the whole morning. Feeling refreshed. I'll just Netflix and chill the whole day.

(2) I ran for 3 km yesterday while listening to music. Some songs hit me hard in the feels, I ran faster. It's quite
therapeutic. I plan to run regularly, probably twice a week. My go-to gym is closed so running is a good substitute for working out. Need to let a bit of sweat out to get them endorphins up.

(3) Most of my family members are working at home because of the pandemic. The virus situation $ucks but I'm glad they are here. I'm less lonely.

Since a lot of places are closed off nowadays, I go to YouTube, make sure I learn something daily. Last night I watched a video on the Art of War and how it can be applied to daily life. Two principles that caught my attention:

(1) Do not ignore the signs for war = red flags in the R.

(2) Pick your battles - learn to rest and fight battles you prepared for and have a higher chances of wining. NC with W on days I am tired, do not meet unless I am ready, and make sure to have a plan when I do contact W.

I'm pretty sure you can extract even deeper interpretations for these principles, but no time for that, gotta shower and start my day.

Carpe Diem

[funbun]

Journaling

Things I appreciate or bring happiness today:

(1) With the pandemic going on and everyone staying away from each other, my workplace is looking for ways to do everything online. Had a good discussion with colleagues looking into the various virtual meeting softwares. Always feels good to learn something new.

(2) Long weekend ahead; Monday will be a public holiday. I don't have anything planned yet, but just the thought of having the free time and freedom makes me happy

(3) Also, looking forward to not having to waking up early for work

[funbun]

Hello DB Forum,

W texted me yesterday informing that the court hearing will be pushed to a later date because the courts are closed at the moment due to the pandemic. It might take months.

I don't know how to feel after knowing that. A part of me is relieved and hoped that the extra time will perhaps make W turnaround. The other part of me feels disappointed and frustrated with the fact that I have to deal with this even longer.

Whilst thinking about it, I recalled W saying that she believed in "God's plan" and that she would leave her fate to god as one of her arguments for getting out of M. I wanted to take a jab at her "if this is what god has decided for me, then so be it" argument. So shortly after I replied with:

FB: It's going to take months... I was thinking to myself, if God decided that D is the best for both us, then why would He be delaying it?
W: Please don't dwell on that much because my decision is set. I take this as another obstacle for me, but I am strong and I am set.
FB: I see. It's unfortunate we cannot settle this soon. I hoped it won't add stress to the both of us.
-Conversation ended-

I wanted to know how she would respond to my rebuttal to her argument. Not surprised that she'd just dismissed her argument.

Thinking back, that was an unnecessary action on my part. Should've just replied "Noted". Gah.

Anyways,

Things I appreciate or bring happiness today:

(1) I have two cats that always come by outside the house. I go out, sit by the porch, the cats sit next to me, and I pet them while looking at the clear blue sky. It's nice.

(2) No work today. Woohoo!

(3) Played a video game with my little brother. He's 8 years old. That was fun.

[KitCat]

Hello DB Forum,

W texted me yesterday informing that the court hearing will be pushed to a later date because the courts are closed at the moment due to the pandemic. It might take months.

I don't know how to feel after knowing that. A part of me is relieved and hoped that the extra time will perhaps make W turnaround. The other part of me feels disappointed and frustrated with the fact that I have to deal with this even longer.

Whilst thinking about it, I recalled W saying that she believed in "God's plan" and that she would leave her fate to god as one of her arguments for getting out of M. I wanted to take a jab at her "if this is what god has decided for me, then so be it" argument. So shortly after I replied with:

FB: It's going to take months... I was thinking to myself, if God decided that D is the best for both us, then why would He be delaying it?
W: Please don't dwell on that much because my decision is set. I take this as another obstacle for me, but I am strong and I am set.
FB: I see. It's unfortunate we cannot settle this soon. I hoped it won't add stress to the both of us.
-Conversation ended-

I wanted to know how she would respond to my rebuttal to her argument. Not surprised that she'd just dismissed her argument.

Thinking back, that was an unnecessary action on my part. Should've just replied "Noted". Gah.

Anyways,

Things I appreciate or bring happiness today:

(1) I have two cats that always come by outside the house. I go out, sit by the porch, the cats sit next to me, and I pet them while looking at the clear blue sky. It's nice.

(2) No work today. Woohoo!

(3) Played a video game with my little brother. He's 8 years old. That was fun.

I liked your happiness list!!!! I need to try something similar. I as well had a convo with ex that I probably would have been better off not having. But, today is a new day. A new day NOT to engage. Let them feel our loss.

Look at the court delay as more time to focus on you. Nothing really has changed. True D has gotten pushed to the background for now but really nothing has changed. You have the gift of time to let her br free and miss you. Try not to argue her reasons for D... that just makes her defensive.

Good Luck

[funbun]

Hi KC! Thanks for stopping by my thread!

I liked your happiness list!!!! I need to try something similar

You should. You can just do it as a mental exersize but I find typing it down allow me to really engage the gratitude mindset and it has a better effect on me.

anddd here is today's list:

(1) I realized that I have been sleeping well for the past few days. A well rested body = better mood.

(2) No work again today, woohoo! Just lazing around the house.

(3) I used to edit videos for fun, then when I got into R with W, I stopped because I didn't have the time. I have started doing it again. Have a video project that is filling half of the free time that I have currently.

I as well had a convo with ex that I probably would have been better off not having. But, today is a new day. A new day NOT to engage. Let them feel our loss.

Very true KC. It's advice that I keep telling to myself as well. Though, I disengage so that I can free myself from the drama of my sitch and so that I can be happy. I don't concern that much whether my W is thinking about me / missing me / thinking about losing me.

Look at the court delay as more time to focus on you. Nothing really has changed. True D has gotten pushed to the background for now but really nothing has changed.... Try not to argue her reasons for D... that just makes her defensive.

Very true as well! Thanks for the reminder!