Living in the Light - Part II

[Dawn70]

Sounds like life is good in DV land. Yay for you! I appreciate the update. I'm with kml on the Brook thing...don't bother with that one. He already showed you who he was and people just don't change, inherently.

As far as your stepdaughter, it is lovely to see what a great relationship you have with her. Speaking from a stepmom's point of view, it can be a very fulfilling relationship and one that takes work, but is so worth it in the end. To DnJ's point, if your SD has kind of put her dad out of her mind/heart, they can find their way to each other again. I have seen it. My stepdaughter's bio mom pretty much blew them off for a man and left them behind and tried to buy their love and all kinds of stuff. I was the one who was there for them through all the teenage drama that life hands to girls. But, as adults, all of the girls have come back around to a relationship with their mom and they all have a very solid relationship with her. I don't like the woman but I always encouraged them, even when they "hated" her to maintain communication with her since she was the only mother they would ever get. They have all since thanked me for that. I didn't do it for the thanks, or even for their mom for that matter, but because I felt it was the right thing to do. And, now, years later, it has, in fact, proven to be the right thing to do.

[DejaVu6]

Okay...so update time again. Has it only been a week?!? Yikes. Feels like a couple weeks at least...lol. Where do I start?

CV19 - Still no new cases on the Island despite the ferries stepping up their trips to and from the mainland. Physical distancing is still alive and well but people are definitely more relaxed. Spent some time at the waterfront close to my house with SD20 and XMIL...had a drink and shared some amazing food truck fries and just enjoyed the sun and the water. A small slice of heaven and it’s in my back yard. I am blessed beyond measure.

OLD Adventures... “Date” with Facebook guy was fun. He came over, we ate some lunch and played some pool (I was in the “zone” so he didn’t win one...lol) and just had a great time catching up. We are very comfortable around each other...like childhood friends really. It was really, really nice to see him.
Talked to a lot of different guys this week...almost got confusing. One stood out from the rest. Unfortunately someone on the mainland and not nearby. He called me on WhatsApp and we talked for two hours. Tall (6’7”), dark & handsome and divorced from someone who cheated on him. Our conversation was effortless. He hung up saying he loved the sound of my voice and later on texted me “you make me smile” and we would talk soon. Yep...well...you guessed it. I’ve had a couple of one-line texts since then and the last one was Thursday morning that he was “still grinning”. I replied but he did not and that’s kinda been it. Ha, ha... just as I’m writing this, I got a text... “hey good looking”...lol. This oughta be good. I’ll reply and nothing will come back. This IS such a FUN game...lol. Damn...my heart skipped a beat too. At least I know I’m alive...lol.

Disappointing but I’ve been doing this long enough now not to get my hopes up. I’ve figured out that I will only meet about 5% of the people I talk to. I’ve also figured out that any guy under 6 feet is lying about his height and occasional smokers are full time smokers. Hence my date on Thursday...lol. Also a guy I spoke with on the phone and while we didn’t have the connection that TDH (tall, dark and handsome) had, he was very nice and I knew we would get along. He’d texted me every day this week and I was busy so on Thursday, he texted to see what I was up to and I suggested we “hang out”. I ended up meeting him down at the yacht club and we went out for a cruise on his boat. Just puttered around the harbour for a couple hours and got pictures of the most amazing sunset I have seen in ages. It was breathtaking!!! Anyway... he was really nice. Attractive...really blue eyes, decent shape, polite, and just an all around nice guy. But... I felt like a giant next to him, even though we were probably about the same height, and he is a smoker. His profile said “occasional” but I think three cigarettes in two hours is more than occasional. Anyway...I don’t begrudge people their bad habits...I’ve just lost too many people to cancer. He texted me this morning to see what I was up to and I gave him a list of errands, etc... so he wouldn’t suggest we get together. Not really sure what I am going to say when he asks me out again. I would be happy to be friends with him, for sure, but most guys are looking for a girlfriend not a buddy. So...a problem for future me I suppose.

So that’s OLD...

In other parts of my life...

Had some sad news on Wednesday. I found out that one of the guys I played pool with when I lived in Vancouver passed away suddenly. We were the same age. He didn’t have a car and lived near me so I would always give him a ride to and from pool nights and tournaments. He had always had an issue with alcohol but apparently got into some drugs when he started dating a girl after I left. Accidental overdose apparently. He was always a kind and gentle person but a bit of a lost soul. I hope he is at peace now. . Friday I got a message from another guy I played pool with. He and I had been on the same team for 11 years and had become really good friends. He lost his wife, who I adored, a year ago to cancer. Anyway...he texted me some pictures of the deck of his condo that he turned into an outdoor pool room!!!! It looks like it belongs in a magazine, it is THAT beautiful...complete with an amazing view of the city. I asked him when we are going to play and he said “anytime” and that he had a guest room that I could stay in. So we decided we would have a team reunion with our other two teammates in honour of our friend who died. So....that should be happening in a few weeks and I am soooo excited!! Can’t wait to see them.

Finally...update on XH. The boatload of karma that was heading his way may have, in fact, found him. OW has been really sick lately and in and out of hospital. My kids are worried about her. I saw XH today and I can tell he is struggling as well. A year and a half ago, I may have felt a bit vindicated but not now. I just feel kinda sad about it, to be honest. As much as I wanted him to experience some of what he put me through, I did not want him to go through this...or her, for that matter. So...it’s an odd place to be in. Hoping things turn out okay and that whatever is wrong with her is treatable.

Anyway...that’s my update. As predicted, TDH sent me a couple texts and has disappeared again. So annoying. I still don’t get this texting game that people play. Why initiate a conversation with someone if you have no intention of having one? SD20 just told me that when he asked me what was up, he didn’t actually want to know and that he was trying to flirt with me...lol. When someone asks you what you are doing, why is telling them what you are doing the wrong answer?!? Here is our brief conversation... “Hey Good Looking (kissy face emoji)”. My reply: “Hey Handsome (kiss face emoji)”. Him... “What’s cracking.” Me: “Watching a movie with my SD20 who just had an unexpected phone call with her ex bf and needed a distraction.” Done. That’s it. What was wrong with that?!?!? Guys... Can you help me out here?? Maybe I’m just too old for this...

[DonH]

Here is our brief conversation... “Hey Good Looking (kissy face emoji)”. My reply: “Hey Handsome (kiss face emoji)”. Him... “What’s cracking.” Me: “Watching a movie with my SD20 who just had an unexpected phone call with her ex bf and needed a distraction.” Done. That’s it. What was wrong with that?!?!? Guys... Can you help me out here?? Maybe I’m just too old for this...

I think I might be able to help - at least from my perspective. But my first observation... “what’s cracking?” Kissy face emojis, had to re-check the ages. Really? Is this how people “our age” text?

As for what I’d guess went on, is what you had happening was more serious than what he had and he didn’t want to interrupt you or divert your attention away from SD20. Now I would have said something like, “I dont want to take your attention away from her.” That’s what I’d have been thinking.

I’m with you on the smoking - especially these “occasional Smokers”. But then seems like a huge effort being put into looks, height, and similar more surface type things. Sounds a bit like a high school mentality to it all - or at least a player mentality. I just get the feeling that if you found the perfect guy but he was under 6 feet tall you’d pass. If you keep finding guys who seem to be acting like players you might be picking players. Might need to adjust your picker?

[DnJ]

Good Morning DV

Sorry about your friend and teammate’s sudden passing. An accidental overdose and him being a lost soul looking for relief is heartbreaking.

Life is full of loss. Live long enough and you will definitely see your share of it.

I also share your “turn off” to smoking, and other destructive behaviours and habits. Seen to many taken to cancer.

YOLO, you only live once, is more of a warning than a dare from my perspective. Guess I got old. Of course I’ve always seen things more that way; more on the stable risk aversion side.

It is interesting to read about the relaxed attitude in your locale regarding the pandemic. Covid, at the moment, is basically banished from my province. It is a strange world right now. The heightened laws and protocols have no statistical need and people generally are at the cusp of going about things as before. There is a “feeling” of noncompliance and also a “feeling” of too much governmental interference and influence at play with nothing thankfully tangible in front of us. Still the draconian dictatorship that was welcomed as the world reportedly exploded around us in pandemic is becoming unwelcome. I’m not sure of, or pushing, a better way forward, it’s just this is not sustainable long term.

XH’s boatload of karma is sad. I completely understand and empathize with your view. Yeah, a time ago vengeance and vindication would have been welcomed, wanting our betraying and cheating spouse suffer some of what they did to us. Now, not really.

You can see XH’s current suffering and probably upcoming pain, and compassionately do not wish it upon him. That say much about you and where you are. Whole and healed.

Texting is such a difficult medium, IMO. No emotions can be heard - And no, quick emoticons do not count. It takes effort to put forth yourself in written form. To impress your emotions upon the words you write.

SD20 may be correct about the flirting. I don’t think TDH didn’t want to know what you were doing, just doesn’t know the next step. It is interesting the term you used - texting game people play.

Courtship is kind of a game.

Traditionally, stereotypically, and still mostly expectedly the man is the pursuer.

Come on too strong, you must be too desperate, red flag, and she’ll run. Come on too weak, you lack confidence, red flag, and she’ll run. It’s difficult to let her know you are thinking about her, without stepping on a land mine.

And any other host of criteria which is completely unknown. Of course both sides have this exploring to see who this person is that they are attracted too.

I’ve also figured out that any guy under 6 feet is lying about his height and occasional smokers are full time smokers.

I’m 5’ 8”. I don’t lie.

You either smoke or you don’t.

I do agree many people probably exaggerate their online persona.

It is such a game. And people play it.

I’d rather live it. yolo. Authentic and sincere. Play by good rules! You will find someone who does as well.

Guys... Can you help me out here??

TDH - Hey Good Looking (kissy face emoji).

DV - Hey Handsome (kiss face emoji).

TDH - What’s cracking.

DV - Watching a movie with my SD20 who just had an unexpected phone call with her ex bf and needed a distraction.

Crickets - Chirp.


Did you just unintentionally call him a distraction? I am guessing you mean a pleasant distraction. (Oh the coldness of text)

Personally, “What’s cracking” does not equate to inquiring what you are doing. It is flirting! By all means tell him what you are doing - tell him “what’s cracking” - AND flirt back!!!

TDH - What’s cracking.

DV - Watching a movie with my SD20 who just had an unexpected phone call with her ex bf and needed a distraction. just as you texted. What a wonderful intermission you are. I’ll probably not be thinking about the movie after this. (heart emoji)


If you are interested, show it. Look, us guys, want to be pursued too.

Scary to think of isn’t it? How do you pursue? Don’t want to be all crazy stalker lady. Lol.

Well that’s kind of the view from the other side. More or less.

D

[Yail]

“Hey Good Looking (kissy face emoji)”. My reply: “Hey Handsome (kiss face emoji)”. Him... “What’s cracking.” Me: “Watching a movie with my SD20 who just had an unexpected phone call with her ex bf and needed a distraction.” Done. That’s it. What was wrong with that?!?!?

Hi DV, hope you're well. This one caught me, and perhaps a slightly different perspective here.

He asked you what YOU were doing. He doesn't know SD20, and honestly does not care what she's doing. Not in a rude way, but she's really not interesting to him. Looking at the response the majority of the sentence is about her. Perhaps more of a "Oh, relaxing with my SD20 watching a movie" which reframes it about YOU.

That's my (gently intended) 2cents.

[DejaVu6]

Just realized I forgot to respond to those of you who commented on my thread.

KML...I really hope things turn around for you in your area soon. In all of the US, really. It’s been hard to watch what has been happening. If only there had been some strong leadership in the beginning and a clear message to everyone, maybe things could have turned out a bit better. Certainly that is what I think made a difference up here. Anyway...sending you lots of positive thoughts and good wishes for a healthier summer.

Bttrfly and Dawn....thank you. Always nice to have good people in your corner wishing you well. I appreciate your thoughts on being a stepparent Dawn. Life IS long and I still have hope that SD20 and her dad will one day enjoy a positive relationship. SD20 just needs some time, I think, and maybe a bit more life experience to come to terms with the disappointing relationship she has had with her dad. He wasn’t a terrible dad to her... just not the dad she needed or wanted. Watching him be that dad to her siblings, I think, makes it very hard for her to understand how he was with her growing up. But...as she pointed out to me last night...he gave her half her genes so he did something right. I am staying out of it but I do tell her when I think she can hear it that I believe her dad is genuine in his desire to repair things between them...he just hasn’t really come to terms with his own actions or lack thereof.

DnJ...always so great to get comments from you on my thread. I do so appreciate your measured way of looking at life and doing the right thing...even when it is the hard thing. You have helped so much to keep me on a really good path. Thank you.

(((HUGS))) to you all.

[DejaVu6]

LOL...you guys are the best...

DonH... I wouldn't’ pass if the guy was under six feet tall. Jack was my height...maybe even an inch shorter. But...I am naturally attracted to guys who are taller than me. It’s is a hang up I’ve had since Jr. High... good or bad...it’s just the way I am. Same thing as guys who say they like girls large chests or prefer blonds to brunettes. It’s a preference thing..not a judgement. Having said that, attraction for me is way more about chemistry and I just haven’t found it with anyone I’ve met in person yet. I feel like I will have it with TDH because of our chemistry on the phone...if we get to that place.

DnJ & Yail...wow. Way to break it down for me. Yikes. I really need to get better at this...lol. Having said that, I did have a text from TDH when I woke up this morning (sent at midnight) apologizing for not replying and said that he dozed off. I’ve done that before so not a big deal. He texted me this evening... a picture of the dinner we made. We texted back and forth for a bit and then I had to go to mow my lawn. So...who knows...gotta definitely up my game in the flirting department...lol.

[DejaVu6]

Quick update... TDH and I texted back and forth until 11 p.m. We traded pictures and thoughts and engaged in lots of fun banter. I think I upped my game in the flirting department a little bit but was still me. TDH may not be quite as confident as I thought as he confessed that he doesn’t think I will like him because he already likes me. Hmmm...I was kinda thinking the same thing yesterday before we talked. In fact, pretty sure I told my sister the exact same thing when we were at the mall. He also told me he is “very interested” in me and that he can’t stop smiling when he talks to me. That makes two of us. First time in three years I’ve wished I was still on the mainland so I could meet him sooner rather than later. He did spent his formative years just down the road from where I live though and has told me he plans to move back here as soon as he can which, unfortunately, won’t be for a number of years given the age of his kids. So...it would be a LDR for us if it worked out which I am not totally opposed to. He’s only a 90-minute ferry ride away, not a five hour drive or a four hour flight. It is definitely doable if we both want to make it work. Anyway...that’s miles ahead of where we are at currently. I just really want to meet him soon to see if what we have over the phone and text translates in person. Fingers crossed I get to the second date!!

[DejaVu6]

Hi All. Another update...

On the XH front. He is spending a lot of time at the hospital with OW. Still can’t get over the irony of that. OW will be helicoptered over to the mainland on Monday for a liver transplant. Seems she lost the genetics lottery when it comes to her health. Hopefully the surgery will be a success. As much as I wanted the karma bus to hit XH, I did not want this. On a positive note, he and I are still rocking the coparenting thing. We’ve even had some pleasant conversations lately. It feels good to not be angry with him anymore.

On the dating front. Well...TDH and I have talked every day this week. He says he can’t stop smiling and he thinks about our conversations for days. He sends me random “I like you” texts and loves my humour. Every time I hear his voice my heart skips a beat. We talk about so many different things at a much deeper level than I have with anyone in a long time and he teases me the way one would an old friend. He says he really likes me, the person, and isn’t worried about not being attracted to me physically. We’ve traded lots of pictures so I have a very good idea what he looks like and I’m not worried either. He is exactly my “type” physically. Anyway...we won’t have too long to wonder as he is coming for a visit next weekend. Can’t wait to see if the connection we have over the phone translates in person. Regardless, he and I have agreed we will have a great time no matter what. We plan to visit a lot of his favourite childhood haunts and we’re making each other our “specialties”...fish tacos for him and Thai curry for me. Wish me luck!!

[DejaVu6]

Well...my weekend with TDH has been postponed. His nephew is sick and is being tested for CV19. Unlikely he has it (he’s 2 years old) but better to be safe than sorry. So...assuming the test comes back negative, he will come visit me next week. In the meantime, we continue to talk on the phone every day and I feel like I know him better than I knew Jack who I dated for a year. Personality-wise, we are a really good match and are both excited to see if the connection we have over the phone translates in real life. He thinks we’ll know the minute we lock eyes. So he is also a romantic like me...lol. Anyway...last week seemed to crawl by. This week is going to be worse, I’m sure. Trying not to have unrealistic expectations but I get just a bit more hopeful every time we talk. Anyway...seven more sleeps...

On the XH front. OW is in the hospital on the mainland and has a team of doctors trying to help her. No transplant yet...they are apparently trying to figure out a way to avoid doing that. XH has been with her at the hospital for the last few days and is returning this morning to take the kids for the weekend and look after his house. He’ll go back again at the beginning of next week and then return for the weekend again. He’s pretty stressed I think. It actually hit me the other day that he is the living the life that I was living. Single parenting, looking after the home and basically on his own most of the time with a partner that is in the hospital (well..his actually is...mine, as we know, wasn’t). The irony is really unbelievable. There really is such a thing as karma.