Well, whatever I am doing is working for me and that's enough to stay the course. I feel a lot better about things than I did at the outset, but I am not particularly optimistic about saving my marriage. I'm four months in and four months away from divorce. Near as I can tell, she's content with her new life and I don't see her giving up the OM any time soon. Sure, she spends lot of time at our old house with me and with the kids. But I think that's about the kids more than it is about me. When I am home alone, I never hear from her and I never see her. And if she does absolutely nothing, then I'll be single by Christmas. Still, you never know what's going to happen and there's not much reason to worry about it in the meantime.
Once again, I have very little to report. More time has passed and not much has changed, But I am sleeping better than I was and I am not really depressed about my sitch any more. Sure, it makes me sad from time to time, particularly when the kids are gone and I'm alone. But I'm getting over it slowly. And I am making progress on detaching from her (although there's still plenty more detachment progress to make). DBing has certainly worked wonders for my mental health and taught me to avoid R talks at all costs. That's probably been a lifesaver.
But I don't think that DBing will help save my marriage. There's been precisely zero progress made toward saving the marriage and my sitch will almost certainly result in a D. There's only so much time left and her relationship with the OM seems to be growing stronger and stronger. It's hard to understand how she replaced me so quickly, so completely, and so easily. I know she'd like to discuss the R and tell me that there's blame on both sides. However, I don't inquire and tell her there's no reason to discuss it now if she tries to bring it. I can just read the forums if I want to know what she's going to tell me and I won't believe it anyway.
She still wants to be friends though and she's sad that I never call her or text her anymore. I haven't said that I won't be friends with a cheater, but I've felt like saying it. I suppose that's a terrible idea and, by now, I suspect she has stopped thinking about her relationship with OM as an affair.
Had a great 3rd and 4th of July, but the morning of July 5th was a depressing one and I was too tired to GAL. Yikes! I guess I'll just have to accept that there will be days like that, particularly on holidays alone. But I bet part of it is having friends who want to discuss the situation and "cheer me up." I think it is better to seek emotional support from the folks on this board than the folks in real life. The people here seem to get it a lot better than the folks in real life. I am doing alright now, but it took quite a few hours to shake off.
Of course, I was able to resist reaching out to her for comfort even though she had invited me to call and to text.
Hope everyone had a good weekend and was able to pull through everything.
Happy 4th to you and all other Americans! The swings will come and I believe we have to go through them and process our feelings, but they will also be less frequent over time. For me the frequency is way less and still they are most often triggered by W herself, directly or indirectly. You seem very solid and like som have said, natural to DB. Stay strong!
Thanks for popping by my thread btw.
Me: 34 Stbxw: 30 D:5 D:3 Mini bd: May/June 2019 Married: Aug 2019 BD: 6th Dec 2019 OM Confirmed: Feb 2020 March 2020: I filed for D Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
Glad to hear you had a good 4th! Those good days will fuel you for the bad ones.
Its always so impressive to read how well you are handling all this, you are so very strong to not fall into the R discussion trap. It really is an awful trap and I get caught up in every time and regret it.
I do agree with you that keeping to the boards is best, I have also tried to talk to folks IRL and there is always advice, well-meaning but irrelevant. Its hard, this is all so hard, especially your point of how they just walk away so easily.
With my situation, I have no recourse then to start really GALing and moving ahead - not really in efforts to DB anymore - but just to start a new chapter.
M:50 H:49 D:16 S:13 M:23 T:25 BD: Feb 25th 2020 EA/PA: Dec 2019 - June 11, 2020 Behind every broken woman is a broken man...
I don't know if I'm strong or stupid. And I don't care. Today, she asked me if I would always be there for her. I said no because she fired me as her husband and replaced me as her best friend. She didn't say anything else.
Just popping in to say good job. I just read through your sitch and I gotta say you handled that incredibly. Not saying it was easy for you as I’m sure it was crushing and still is. Just want to give you the props you deserve for standing your ground. Sounds like regardless of what happens, you’ll have your integrity and pride still in tact knowing that you did what you could, lovingly but firmly and that’s so important. Good for you man. I wish you the best of luck with everything going on.
