My plan is to put the photo album on her desk at work with a note saying "I do not know what to do with the album. You can have it and you can do whatever you want with it".
That sounds painful, an expensive memento of what was to symbolize happiness.
At least my photo album was terribly put together. Bad album. Bad marriage. My ex-wife gave me the album same as you are after I walked away. I put it in a box in the garage, figuring my kids may want to look at it someday. It's sat there for a decade. If I didn't have kids, I might have tossed it. I'm glad it's there. Someday I might incorporate it into an album of my life or my kids' life. It was a chapter of our lives.
"This is yours." says the same thing without the emoting.
Received a text from WAW this morning, she informed that we've been summoned to the court to discuss the divorce case. After a brief period of peaceful NC due to the pandemic, the gears are starting to turn again. The meeting will be at the end of this week. I'm guessing we'll be asked whether to proceed to the court hearing or to go through a period of MC first. I'll let her decide.
On a separate note, my birthday is coming up in a few days. Gonna spend the day going out on my own, buy myself a present, get a much needed massage, and watch the sunset and reflect on the journey that I am in.
Will WAW text me on my birthday? There a 80% chance she won't. I try not to put my expectations there.
I spent the past few weeks focusing on healing. A lot of alone time. A lot of reflecting, reading, watching motivational videos. It has done good on me. Slowly recovering and learning to enjoy the single life.
I wrote down a few goals for myself, I'll share them here:
Work on anxious attachment
Work on my fear of being alone and fear of abandonment
Identify and reduce NGS behaviour and thought patterns
Get assertiveness training
Workout three times a week and lose weight
I know these goals have to be specific and time based. I'll amend them once I figure out exactly what I want.
M: 28 W: 30 T: 2 years Married: Nov 2019 BD: 5 days after wedding (I know right?)
That sounds painful, an expensive memento of what was to symbolize happiness.
Two weeks ago, I had to do the same with our wedding video. I meet with the wedding videographer, collected the USB drive, watch the video once (it was nice), and passed the USB drive to WAW via putting it on her desk with a note.
It was painful. A momentary sadness. But then you cry it out, and then life goes on.
I'm just proud of myself for not doing anything out of spite (trust me, oh boy, I wanted to) and kept the peace.
M: 28 W: 30 T: 2 years Married: Nov 2019 BD: 5 days after wedding (I know right?)
Received a text from WAW this morning, she informed that we've been summoned to the court to discuss the divorce case. After a brief period of peaceful NC due to the pandemic, the gears are starting to turn again. The meeting will be at the end of this week. I'm guessing we'll be asked whether to proceed to the court hearing or to go through a period of MC first. I'll let her decide.
On a separate note, my birthday is coming up in a few days. Gonna spend the day going out on my own, buy myself a present, get a much needed massage, and watch the sunset and reflect on the journey that I am in.
Will WAW text me on my birthday? There a 80% chance she won't. I try not to put my expectations there.
I spent the past few weeks focusing on healing. A lot of alone time. A lot of reflecting, reading, watching motivational videos. It has done good on me. Slowly recovering and learning to enjoy the single life.
I wrote down a few goals for myself, I'll share them here:
Work on anxious attachment
Work on my fear of being alone and fear of abandonment
Identify and reduce NGS behaviour and thought patterns
Get assertiveness training
Workout three times a week and lose weight
I know these goals have to be specific and time based. I'll amend them once I figure out exactly what I want.
I like this.
As I tell a lot of LBSs, funbun: We live in an imperfect world. Disease, accident, murder, and people deciding to jettison us out of our lives means that we can have anyone removed from our lives, permanently, for many different reasons. Being overly attached, to the point where you cannot move on from such an event, is not a healthy place. This doesn't mean we won't be sad and mourn the loss, but it does mean that we continue living our awesome life despite these kinds of things happening in our world. So I like this. I know in these situations that things can be delayed due to working through the courts (pandemic didn't help), etc, but your goal is to come out the other side ready to live an awesome life! And you will if you do the things you are doing and planning on doing!
When life gives you lemons.....make lemonade!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
As I tell a lot of LBSs, funbun: We live in an imperfect world. Disease, accident, murder, and people deciding to jettison us out of our lives means that we can have anyone removed from our lives, permanently, for many different reasons. Being overly attached, to the point where you cannot move on from such an event, is not a healthy place. This doesn't mean we won't be sad and mourn the loss, but it does mean that we continue living our awesome life despite these kinds of things happening in our world. So I like this. I know in these situations that things can be delayed due to working through the courts (pandemic didn't help), etc, but your goal is to come out the other side ready to live an awesome life! And you will if you do the things you are doing and planning on doing!
When life gives you lemons.....make lemonade!
Thank you Steve.
Took a day off from work on my birthday and spent the time on my own, enjoying my own company. I had a pleasant day. WAW didn't wish me happy birthday, but I received a lot wishes from friends and colleagues. That was nice. It reminded me that I am loved.
But I'd like to believe that, even if no one wished me happy birthday on that day, I still be content with spending the day with myself. I am learning not to seek validation from others, only from myself.
M: 28 W: 30 T: 2 years Married: Nov 2019 BD: 5 days after wedding (I know right?)
The meeting will be at the end of this week. I'm guessing we'll be asked whether to proceed to the court hearing or to go through a period of MC first. I'll let her decide.
Currently mulling over what I've said here. I need input from the board.
The divorce case meeting will be tomorrow and how it will proceed will largely dependent on me. If the divorce request is uncontested, then we'll proceed straight to the court hearing and D will be finalized sooner. If it is contested, then we'll be sent to a round of MC, which lengthens the process to months, something WAW is not keen on doing. She doesn't want to suffer anymore.
I still feel conflicted. On one hand, I don't see prolonging this misery business any longer. WAW is absent in my life. I want to move on and find someone more deserving of my time and energy. On the other, my religion is against D and advise to do everything I can to save M, plus there is that sliver of hope in me that going to counseling will improve my R with WAW. However, I also know that WAW is reluctant on MC, and I've read multiple times on this board that MC with an unwilling spouse is often an unfruitful effort.
My current answer to this dilemma is to simply hand the decision to her, and then be at peace (or try to find peace) with whatever she has decided. She'll most likely want to D ASAP. It will hurt, but I will be okay knowing that I've done what I can and she's just not the right person for me. In the unlikely event that she chooses MC, that will be good and at least I know she wants to try.
My question is, does the fact that I am handing her the power to decide make me a pushover? Or should I be responsible and decide for myself?
M: 28 W: 30 T: 2 years Married: Nov 2019 BD: 5 days after wedding (I know right?)
Letting her decide is a bit weak. But so is contesting it. I'd go in and not contest, and be anxious to have it over.
If for some strange reason she has a moment of "I want to try", then you have a decision to make. Be warned, MC with an unwilling spouse is a punishment used in hell! I think you'd regret making that decision unless you knew pretty close to 100% that she was really going to try.
Personally, I'd cut bait and run.
Last edited by Steve85; 06/26/2003:18 AM.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
