I understand both sides -- maybe a year ago, I would say my impulse to reach out was very much NGS. In this case, I feel it's really just more about doing the decent thing. I am not angry with her, I'm not trying to hurt her or cause a scene in front of her family. I assume this will invoke a larger discussion whether or not I give her a heads up.
As a poster said before, we generally have an amicable relationship and unlike some situations with exes, I don't believe her to be a bad person or something worth attacking. But I will also say that in most situations in which I've been somewhat ambivalent or whether to do something or not do them, I've ended up doing it and regretting it.
For someone additional context, we have had approximately 0 discussions about D and while that is clearly the most likely outcome of our situation, this move will be extremely surprising to her. It is the right thing for me to do, for myself, right now -- but it will definitely surprise her.
I will just just file the final papers. For reference.
Me: 34 Stbxw: 30 D:5 D:3 Mini bd: May/June 2019 Married: Aug 2019 BD: 6th Dec 2019 OM Confirmed: Feb 2020 March 2020: I filed for D Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
I will just just file the final papers. For reference.
For 100% clarity, I did file -- four months ago. I did so on the advice of my lawyer, who advised me to file in order to stop the accrual of assets as of that date. However there is a statute in NYS where you have to serve after four months, or withdraw and refile, which would then reset the date as of the new filing.
So this isn't about filing so much as it's about serving.
I will just just file the final papers. For reference.
For 100% clarity, I did file -- four months ago. I did so on the advice of my lawyer, who advised me to file in order to stop the accrual of assets as of that date. However there is a statute in NYS where you have to serve after four months, or withdraw and refile, which would then reset the date as of the new filing.
So this isn't about filing so much as it's about serving.
So what is the question? If the goal was to freeze the accrual of assets, and not serving would reset that date (presumably to a refile date of today or later) why would you not have her served?
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I will just just file the final papers. For reference.
For 100% clarity, I did file -- four months ago. I did so on the advice of my lawyer, who advised me to file in order to stop the accrual of assets as of that date. However there is a statute in NYS where you have to serve after four months, or withdraw and refile, which would then reset the date as of the new filing.
So this isn't about filing so much as it's about serving.
So what is the question? If the goal was to freeze the accrual of assets, and not serving would reset that date (presumably to a refile date of today or later) why would you not have her served?
The serving is going to happen. I'm full of very strong ambivalent feelings about it, but that ship has sailed.
I'm mostly just processing how I'm feeling about it, and wondering if it is the right thing to do to give her heads up about it, or not.
There's 3 reasons why you would not want to send it (summarizing what everyone is saying here):
1. She may dodge service and run out the clock (sounds unlikely). 2. Your X is a horrible person (not the case). 3. You are expecting an R talk or some connection (NGS - not the case).
